I need advice

[dana]

Hi all,

 

recently I posted about bulling in my son's school. One of the boys called him names, spat at him and threatened him that he would beat him. I tried to speak with the senco there but the result was (unbielivable) that they not only didn't want to help him (they denied that there was any bulling),but my son also got the detention for complaining!

 

Anyway, I pulled him out from that school and next week I am going to the meeting in another school (btw, closer to us). I have been thinking to tell them that my son was bullied in his previous school and ask about their antibulling policy and what they do to protect the children who complain about bulling, than and there, during that first meeting. I don't know what the previous school put on his records, they might even put that he invented the whole thing and, I have been thinking, once the records come to the new school, to ask them if I could read them and then give them my son's side of the story if neccessary.

 

What do you think of all this? Would that be a good idea?

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Danaxxx

Edited January 30, 2011 by dana

[justine1]

Hi

 

My NT son was racially abused/bullied by childen at a school in a village a few years ago,I have told every school he has moved to(he has moved to three since then.) The school in question did not handle the sitaution well at all and had an answer for everything.I did think they would make it out that he was somehow to blame or that I was over reacting,I never knew whether they did or not but all the schools took me very seriously and told him to always come to them straight away if there was a problem.

 

I dont have any answers really just my own experience <'>

[Sally44]

First of all I know that you have a better understanding of your son than most others.

But I just wanted to ask the question of whether it was possible that he could have said that as a way of getting out of going to school? If not and you believe what he has told you then that is good enough.

 

Yes I would tell any future school. And you have a right to see all their policies ie. SEN, bullying etc.

 

If in the future, you did have concerns about what was on his school file, you can put in a request to see this. It needs to be worded in a certain way so that they do include EVERYTHING. But you could do that if you felt the need to. Many parents do this before they go to tribunal because they find alot of useful information in the files in the notes and communications between various professionals and school.

 

As he had been bullied, have you also considered trying to get extra specific supports included in his Statement?

[dana]

Thank you for your replies.

 

He likes the idea of going to school, he loved going to his primary school even he also had some bullies there as well but the staff attitude to it was much better (not perfect though). I believe him, I know he wouldn't invent these things, especially that he tried to tell about it to his teachers many times before but they asked him to manage by himself. Also he is in general very honest and if he didn't want to go to school he would have said so. He is incapable of social imagination and is also very naive.

 

There is nothing about bulling in his statement but one of the goals is to develop his social skills and selfesteem and certainly doesnt help if he is called lier when he complains about bulling.

 

Danaxxx

[Sally44]

I agree. The best way forward would be for school to check that he can communicate these issues to staff. (Which you have said he did). And there should be a clear process that you, your son and school agree will happen in any future incident.

This may also be a good time to talk to school about mentoring, or buddying approaches they do or could use as well as dinnertime clubs etc. The more structure he has in environments overseen by adults the less he is likely to get bullied. Also if he has a social network around him (circle of friends/buddying etc), they can also be witnesses to any incidents and can also help him say and/or do the right things. See what school suggest. If you do not think it is sufficient then you can ask school to contact the EP service. You can phone the EP yourself and talk to them, but they cannot go into school without school inviting them. So you need school on your side.

If you have future incidents (and even with the incident at his previous school) did you write into school to complain and did you ask the teacher to put in writing what happened and why he did not believe your son or take any action after he had told you what had happened (and list the name calling, spitting etc). It is your evidence that you have written in, and even if school do not reply that is evidence that the school have ignored your concerns.

You can also look at the Disability Discrimination Act and see if suggestions to school could be considered "reasonable adjustments".

[dana]

Thanks, Sally.

 

I will have to prepare the questions for the new school and make sure that I get the answers before we take him there. Aparently,it is not enough just to ask about antibulling policy because I am sure that every school will say that they have a strong one. What happens on the ground matters. Your suggestions are very good and I will include them in my questionaire.

 

Danaxxx

[Sally44]

Your local council should have someone employed regarding disability discrimination. Or speak with Ipsea or any of the other helplines on this subject.

 

My son attends Cubs. The only way we manage to keep him there is for the leader to pair him up with someone. His usual response to going to cubs is "I don't know what they will be doing and I don't know if I will be any good at it." He has said that that makes him "worried and confused". Yet Cubs suggested themselves to buddy him up. It works.

 

The EP and SALT services should be well aware of these types of approaches.

 

It has always been assumed that my son can identify emotions because he can point out the relevent card that matches the emotion. However I have been saying for a long time, and school now finally agree, that my son cannot label his own emotions. That is a big difference. So he has no idea how he feels or what his face looks like. He has no idea. Things are either good, or so bad he wants to come home. So don't assume your son has these skills because having difficulty recognising emotions in themselves and others is typical of being on the spectrum.

 

And if you don't know your emotional state, you don't really know what to do, how to respond etc.

 

I would find out as much information as you can for your meeting with school and broach the subject carefully and slowly. Does it say anything in his Statement about needing such supports? If it doesn't then events at previous schools are evidence that he does need extra support. Is your son now going to move to this new school? Will the EP and SALT be the same ones as before?

Edited February 1, 2011 by Sally44

[dana]

My son has not moved to the new school yet. In fact, tomorrow I am having the first meeting with the school near us about the possibility of my son going there. This is just the initial meeting.

 

He hasn't got any NHS SALT or EP. EP assesed him once in his primary school and he's never seen him since. I am paying a private SALT because in the town where I live they don't give any SALT therapy to the children in secondary schools.

 

I couldn't use Disability Discrimination Act because the boy who bullied my son himself had a statement (but did not have ASD, my son was the only one in his class who has autism). However, I will look at it for the future references.

 

Please, wish me luck tomorrow.

 

Danaxxx

[Mishmash]

Hope it all goes well! it is possible I know! Imoved schools for the same reason my NT son was being horribly bullied. After we moved to the new school I spent the first term crying - it was such a relief to have a happy child, whyo was believed in school and to have found a school that actually meant what they said! He's gone from hating school, people and wanting to kill himslef to being a wonderful 10year old child ago! So I hope it wll goes well for you <'>

[BuntyB]

I have had an awful time with bullying issues too. Whenever the bullying happened we got diverted into the Special needs route where we've ended up with CAMHS, autism support, etc all meeting to help my daughter deal wither her own issues (which incidently were't there before the bullying happened!) It's so hard to get anyone to take bullying seriously when thinks that it's inevitable because she looks and acts differently to other girls her age (you don't say!)

Our schools have these policies on their website. Have you looked?

I've printed off 'B is for Bullied' from the NAS website and also the guidance from the Dept of Children,families and schools (is that the right way round?!)which makes interesting reading. Our school's policy has nothing about SEN included in it. I've written to the governers to suggest it could be updated to improve it.

 

out of interest, does anyone's school have a really good autism friendly anti-bullying policy? If not, I'm inclined to write one!

[Kazzen161]

Ours says:

 

Bullying is deliberately hurtful behaviour, repeated over a period of time, making it difficult for the person concerned to defend themselves.

Bullying both verbal and physical will not be tolerated in this school. It is everyone’s responsibility to prevent it happening and this policy contains guidelines for all members of the school community.

 

In our school children and staff have the right to be respected, safe and happy.

 

Bullying can take many forms. The 3 main types are:-

• Physical – hitting, kicking, taking belongings

• Verbal - name calling, insulting, spreading rumours or making racist remarks

• Indirect – spreading unpleasant stories about someone, excluding someone from social groups

• Cyber – by internet, e-mail or text

 

It does not need to specify SEN specifically, as bullying is defined as above and covers all possibilities eg: calling someone by a name that is innocuous but where it is one that they know will upset that particular child.

 

If the school think that bullying her is ok, then there is something very wrong with the school/staff - bullying is NEVER ok.