ASD, age gaps and children sharing rooms

[lisa2701]

hi everyone, i am not around very often to be honest but I do lurk occasionally and have a read through things. Thing is, i've found myself in a situation and as much as my friends and family all have opinions they do not live with someone with ASD so I am looking for opinions or thoughts from people who truly understand my point of view.

 

So, I currently have a 6 year old boy diagnosed with classic ASD (high functioning in my opinion). Hubby and I are trying for baby number 2. ASD and ADHD/ADD do seem to run in the family on hubby's side (all of the males are effected in some way or another, including my hubby in my opinion although he's not got a DX yet) so I suppose we run a slightly high risk of having another on the spectrum.

 

Currently we live in a 4 in a block, ground floor with two big bedrooms meaning any children would have to share a room. We have been offered a 3 bedroom semi detached house but it only has 1 double room and 2 small singles. The two bedrooms that the children would have are pretty small. So I'd love to hear your experiences and thoughts of having a child with ASD sharing a room, with such a huge age gap (keeping in mind I'm not even pregnant yet) as a posed to having two children is small bedrooms? I am truly torn as to what is best, one large room between them, or space of there own to retreat to if needed but it only being small?

 

I know no one can make my decision for me, I am just looking thoughts, opinions, and experiences?

 

Lisa x

[RainbowsButterflies]

From my POV, I would rather have my own space even if it's small. And I wouldn't worry too much about the age gaps - I am in the middle of two brothers with 10.5 year and 4.5 year gaps. The bigger one definitely works better for me

[lisa2701]

Thanks for your POV rainbowsbutterflies. DS says he doesn't want a small room but i don't think he realises what the alternative is, such a difficult decision, not only will i have to move him house but also eventually schools. Its a huge upset for him, but the house is bigger so its making it a really tough decision. hubby wants to move so its all down to what I want now.

[justine1]

Sharing is a no,no for my ASD boys,even though right now they have absolutley no choice! Sam used to share with my eldest Josh(NT) but Sam would destroy everything of Josh's and he would not sleep,he would be playing most of the night,in the room.

Then Dan came along all 3 boys had to share,nobody got much sleep,as Dan would usually wake and cause a fuss.

 

Your situation is reverse in that your eldest will be the ASD one,I think it could work while the baby is little as he/she can be in your room and then move to the other room.Providing the baby and your eldest sleep through so neither would disturb the other.However I would say once the baby is 18mths- 2 yrs they will need their own rooms.My ASD boys hate their toys touched/moved and they need a place to calm down.If they are upset they will break things in the room even if its not theirs.

 

Obviously its your choice,but I am in a 2 bedroom now with FOUR boys(two that have ASD) I have no room for myself as I want my eldest to have his own room.If the council offered me a small three bed I would defo take it.

[lisa2701]

Yes you make a good point Justine. My son still doesn't sleep through the night, he's up at least once every night despite melatonin.

 

We have tried talking to him before about moving and what it would mean but he never seemed to comprehend what we were saying , but we thought we'd try one more time and have just sat him down and spoken to him about he feels about it. Broke it down into small chunks for him, writing down some bullet points (he is very visual and reads very well) and this seems to have worked. As soon as I mentioned that a little brother or sister might make mess or cause noise he was horrified at the thought of sharing. So we have now managed to get him to understand and he says he would prefer a small bedroom than sharing one with another child who might mess it up. i suppose my decision has been made, ultimately i love the new house but was worried that my son would HATE moving from a large room to a small room so i felt really guilty, but seeing as he seems happier with not sharing I can move now without any guilt, and if for any reason we don't have another child the other room can be turned into a toy room/games room for him allowing him more space.

 

Phew....so glad that decisions made, its been a horrible few days humming and hawing over it. Had one day I wanted to move, one day i didn't want to move and today was completely un decided. Its a hard decision at the best of times but when you throw ASD in the mix it just gets harder.

 

Thanks guys, you both made very valid points! x