leaky problems?

[BuntyB]

Does anyone have advice on how to tackle this? A couple of people mentioned daughter's personal hygiene. It surprised me as she's quite good now at showering and washing her hair etc but I have notice little stains where my daughter has been sitting and think she could have a minor continence problem. I'm not sure how long; it's just I got a new car with lighter colour seats.

I asked her and she just walked off and denied the stain was anything to do with her. I've tried asking if she might have a water infection, tummy ache or anything but I get blanked. We have some problems with periods too; she just says she didn't know it was going to happen and now refuses to discuss it. I'm not sure how to tackle this one.

[flappyfish]

I'm afraid my 11 year old son 'leaks' too. he nearly always smells a bit at the end of the day and is sometimes more wet than that. I think it's down to organisational difficulties like leaving it to the last minute, not noticing the need because of focussing on other things. I was advised by CAMHS to go to GP but he just vaguely talked about star charts and eneuresis clinics, and I'm afraid I can't face another set of appointments so just do lots of washing and wait for him to grow out of it!!

[lisa2701]

Not entirely sure to be honest, but if I were you i'd try sitting her down and explaining that lots of women have weak bladders and its nothing to be ashamed of and if she does have ones there is things like pads, pelvic floor exercises etc that she can get or do to help. If she refuses to talk about it maybe just say to her that you will buy such pads for her and leave them in a discrete place for her if she ever wants to use them just to go and take some she doesn't have to ask. That way she doesn't have to come and talk about it or admit that there is a problem if you know what i mean? Also, if you do buy her pads, you open the box so she feels she can discretely take one and not have to make it obvious by opening a box of them. i presume she is a teenager as you talk about her having periods, such a difficult age, bodily functions are just so embarrassing! Sorry wish i could be more help.

[WillR73]

This isn't going to offer any solutions, but might help a bit anyways. I'm an Asperger, I'm 37, and I've been living fairly independently since I was 21. So I should be able to handle the simple stuff.

 

Scenario. I pick you up in my car on Saturday morning and you point out I still smell like Friday night, and maybe you should drive, I'll shrivel in embarassment and my mood will collapse. Because I can follow the logic - had a few Guinness, went bed, woke up, jumped in car....forgot to brush the teeth, or maybe wore the jeans I spilt the booze on last night.

 

I understand it logically, but my emotional reaction would be "Oh my god I screwed up and what must she think of me? She probably thinks I'm a drunk-driver!!!!". Logic goodbye, being confronted with the limitations imposed upon me by my condition just feeds that permanent fear of 'not being able to do it right'.

 

This doesn't solve your problem, but maybe it's part of why the 'sit down and talk about it' path goes wrong. I don't have any answers for you, but I hope this bit of info will help you understand the response.

[DaisyFulkirk]

It took me a very, very long time to learn to recognise That Feeling as having a full bladder and needing to go and use the toilet. I have a catheter now for unrelated reasons but until I got my catheter I was still sometimes having accidents so until I was 23 years old. If I was ever distracted at all that would be a risk time, and also being very cold made me not be able to feel if my bladder was full.

 

I mostly learned to manage it by being really careful to use the toilet as often as I could and setting the alarm function on my phone to beep every two hours if I was having a day of staying at home (reading books or playing computer games) and not having changes betwen what I was doing to help me remember to empty my bladder.

 

When I was a bit older I had a long time in hospital while they were trying to understand what was happening with a physical health issue and the nurses there helped me to be more sensible about using pads as just one more tool to help me be comfortable like having painkillers if you have a headache, or a special chair if you need help to sit up. They were really good about helping me not be embarrassed and I noticed that my genitals were not sore or itchy any more once I was using pads, I think I must have been at least a little bit wet quite a lot of the time to get that sort of problem but I can't remember ever actually properly noticing at the time.

 

To BuntyB I would tell your daughter that lots of grownups of all ages have some leaking sometimes and that she can have some pads (like the little Tena ones) so that she won't have a wet bum, and that nobody will know that she is using pads unless she tells them so she doesn't need to be worried about being embarrassed. I would tell her rather than asking so that she does not have any chance or risk of feeling like there is any sort of accusing happening because it sounds from what you wrote like she might be feeling embarrassed or defensive because that is the sort of thing people do if they are feeling defensive.

 

I have little strips called reagent strips for urinalysis which you put some wee on and there are little squares which change colour to show if there are certain substances in the urine, for instance I would use one to check if I had a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) by looking at the indicator squares for telling me if there is blood, protein, leukocytes (pus, yuk) or nitrites in my urine. You can buy reagent strips from big medical supply places, I go on medisave, or maybe you can ask the GP for some. Having your own at home means that you don't have to try to wee in a pot which makes it easier.

 

I'm sorry that this message got very long!

[K_46]

On many occasions i have close calls! i never seem to recognise that my bladder is full until it is at the last minute and then i HAVE to go right now! to combat this i am always going to the bathroom before i go on a journey, at every stop on the journey, before i leave the house. any chance i get when i know i am going somewhere or doing something even if i dont need to go right then, otherwise i know i am going to have a very uncomfortable time, trying not to burst. If i am in the house or in the office however, i forget because i am too distracted and it is always a last minute thing.

 

i can imagine this kind of conversation for your daughter being uncomfortable, maybe try to be more light hearted about it rather than making it in to a serious sit down discussion. eg "i know you're doing a hundred things/focused on XYZ, but can you remember to go to the bathroom too, please :0)"

 

As WiLLR73 also pointed out; the worst for me is knowing that i screwed up again! that once again i didnt do something right in the eyes of someone who i need support and love from and that they are probably now disappointed with me, think i dont care etc etc. however big or small the issue to me it is a on-going tally and knowing that you cant help it makes it all the more worse. So maybe a reminder and gentle prodding rather than an awkward discussion might be easier for your daughter to deal with and learn from and possibly open up conversation about her problems with you.