Hello

[RobH]

Hi

 

My son's (age 6) school has an educational psychologist come in every month or so to look at the classes and view the children at work/play. He watched my son for a while then spent some 1-2-1 time with him and has written a report saying that he may be "grazing the Asperger's graph" and suggesting that my ex-wife and I get a clinical assessment.

 

To put this into context, we split residential 50/50 so he's with me half the week. My son is very bright (with things he's interested in), gets bored and becomes a distraction in class if he isn't challenged, his behavior can be an issue for his mother if she doesn't set clear guidelines and enforce consequences... and of course sometimes with me too but he doesn't seem to be any worse than any of our friend's children of similar ages. It was especially a problem if he didn't go to bed on time the night before, something the school and I have worked on together with his mother to ensure when he's at her house he gets his sleep...

 

I suppose what I'm saying is I don't understand what's happening and what happens next. He seems fine to me (I always thought he was bright coupled with being a bit lazy, a boy thing if you like, he'd rather do stuff he enjoyed than dull things...). I got my father to dig out my old school reports and they say exactly the same about me.... I've read quite a lot about Asperger's over the last few weeks and although I recognise some of the traits it seems that they could all be applied to most people I know. He doesn't have tantrums or meltdowns, he's very social, has some good friends, plays well, shares toys/stories etc, he's popular (but isn't friends with everyone who thinks he's nice)... the list goes on.

 

I really want the best for him but, and no disrespect to anyone reading this, I don't want him "labelled" with something he isn't. Does this make sense or have I just rambled on? Has anyone else been through this? If he is on the graph, how do I help him, what can I do differently with him? what can his mum and I do together to help him?

 

thanks for listening

 

Rob

[Tally]

Hi Rob, and welcome to the forum.

 

A syndrome like Asperger's is basically a collection of traits. Most people do have traits of Asperger's, but it's only when enough come together in one person that they meet the criteria for diagnosis.

 

Other than the EP's report, your son sounds completely normal. It might be useful to ask what exactly the EP has noticed that suggests Asperger's. You'll need to know what he actually needs support with before you can start to find strategies.

 

Especially if your son is your only child, you may simply be subconsciously meeting all his needs without realising you are doing anything different to other parents. So if someone else has noticed something different about your son then it is worth pursuing a little further.

[justine1]

Hi

Welcome to the forum I have four boys,my middle two age 7 and 5 both have a diagnosis of ASD.I am also a single parent,my 5 yr old is in a similar position to your son,in that,of my four boys he is the only one spending 50/50 time with me and his dad.

 

Well.. its obviously not possible for any of us here to say whether he has Aspergers or not and it seems you and his mum are trying to work together to help him,which is very good.To get a diagnosis your best bet would be to go to the GP and discuss any concerns,if possible take the letter from the educational psych that states they suspect Aspergers.The GP will then refer you onto a specialist,which can take another from a few mths to a year,takes longer if he is'nt aggressive.

 

To get a diagnosis he would have to meet the triad of impairments,which includes speech(thats not just delayed speech but also understanding of comprehension,non-verbal communication,lack of eye contact and echolalia)social interaction(knowing/understanding boundaries,lack of empathy,taking turns etc) behaviour(such as rocking,short attention span,hyperactivity etc)and emotional difficulties(understanding other peoples emotions but mostly his own,lack of self awareness,low self esteem)

 

I know you may see it as labelling and to be honest I felt the same,there are very few parents who would want to delibratley label their children.However,in my case I had no choice,especially with my 7 yr old,he missed out on 18mths of his education as they could not help him without the diagnosis.To get support in school its often vital to get a diagnosis and more so with all the cuts happening,as the help he may need will cost money so they need to give it to the right children.

 

He may not need help at school now but you may find as he gets older his needs will change.Also it is slightly easier to get a diagnosis when they are young than for him to grow up and have to start the process as an adult.If he has not got Aspergers it is very unlikely he will be mis diagnosed as having aspergers especially,as I mentioned,these things cost money.So you won't have to worry about him being wrongly labelled.

[RobH]

Thank you both so much. Your answers were very helpful. Reading through the forum posts had made me feel quite positive about our situation but also sad for all the people who are actually having issues, or at least worse issues than we're "apparently" having.

 

I think it's probably best to get the clinical assessment done and then see what that shows up. It may all come to nothing. The report from the Ed Psy person should be here in next week or so, and it's parent's evening in a week or two so that should all make things clearer. Or murkier.

 

Thanks again, it's good to know there's people out here with good, helpful advice.

 

R