is it a common trait ?

[blue71]

i may have aspergers and I'm wondering if its a common trait to ( as my sister in law would put it ) want everything your own way ? i don't see it like that, i have a need for things to be a certain way, but because of this I'm jeopardising what little relationships i have left, I'm hurting other people and i cant seem to change how i am x

[baddad]

Yes, blue 71 it is a common trait, within both the autistic and neurotypical populations. I think neurotypical people who behave this way also feel it is a 'need' - they tend to be labelled 'control freaks', and it jeopordises their relationships too. In very young autistic people the desire to have things their own way is often described as a 'need' and it does to a certain extent demand different responses, because they often lack the theory of mind to cenceptualise their behaviour. That's obviously not the case for you, as you realise that your behaviour is having an impact on others and having a negative impact on your own life and opportunities. The answer is not in finding a diagnosis that will absolve you of responsibilty for your behaviour (which I'm sorry, but I do get the feeling you're looking for), but looking to overcome the controlling impulses that are causing your problems. That would apply equally whether your suspicions that you may be autistic are correct or incorrect, and to a large extent the same types of responses would apply (counselling, psychology etc etc). For some autistic adult routines can be very important, but this is not the same as seeking to control others. Autistic people who do depend heavily on routines etc have to make compromises, and accept that - as with any other disability - some of those compromises will be barriers to other areas of their lives. It's very important that they reach conclusions about compromises they are or aren't willing to make for themselves, because they have to live with the consequences.

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

[blue71]

that is very helpful and thank you x im not looking to be absolved im just looking for an explanation, which you gave so thank you x im not a teenager i am female and 40 next month, my gp suspects i have aspergers, its not a route i would have went down as it never occurred to me as a possibilty, even although there is aspergers in my family x

[trekster]

It is common to only understand your way of doing things so appear to want things your way.

[MelowMeldrew]

It is common to only understand your way of doing things so appear to want things your way.

 

 

If being single-minded is Autism most of us are..... It's these blurring of distinctions without further information that casts doubt on Autistic diagnosis. As stated elsewhere Deaf people were said to be autistic because of their lifestyle, when autism had nothing whatever to do with the way they lived. Autism is a lot more than a communication issue.

[blue71]

thanks everyone i appreciate your advice, its been very helpful x