I seriously doubt the dx

[mygifts1306]

dear all, My son was diagnosed as having aspergers syndrome when he was 5 years of age, he is now 8, and things are the worst they have been, i feel i am constatly in his case as i have to keep correcting him, I have read umpteen books about his condition and have read lots of book on strategies to try, its now at a point that i actually dont believe the diagnosis, perhaps i have not parented him properly. some examples, he is so unkind to his brother, he calls him poop head, he heats him, i have to be in the same room as them to avoid this happening, he shouts at his brother, all the things i have taught him about how to behave go from one ear to the next, I just want to be able to take him places and not have to deal with this behaviour, how can i change things about, we are all very unhappy right now in my house and really tearing our hair out, how to we deal with this, is he always going to be like this. he is in main stream but struggles a lot, socially, i am really frustrated.

 

thanks for reading

[smiley1590]

yeah his AS will make him struggle socially AS isn't due to bad parenting at all! it easy after diagnosis is made to blame or feel guilt yourself you will feel strong emotions feelings around whole situation takes a while get your head around so take your time! maybe speaking to the NAS will help parent to parent line ? denying the diagnosis is part of acceptance stage ....

 

Hope this will help you out!

 

XKLX

[Mandapanda]

dear all, My son was diagnosed as having aspergers syndrome when he was 5 years of age, he is now 8, and things are the worst they have been, i feel i am constatly in his case as i have to keep correcting him, I have read umpteen books about his condition and have read lots of book on strategies to try, its now at a point that i actually dont believe the diagnosis, perhaps i have not parented him properly. some examples, he is so unkind to his brother, he calls him poop head, he heats him, i have to be in the same room as them to avoid this happening, he shouts at his brother, all the things i have taught him about how to behave go from one ear to the next, I just want to be able to take him places and not have to deal with this behaviour, how can i change things about, we are all very unhappy right now in my house and really tearing our hair out, how to we deal with this, is he always going to be like this. he is in main stream but struggles a lot, socially, i am really frustrated.

 

thanks for reading

 

Hi

 

I am sorry to hear things are really difficult at the moment. It is not your fault - there are many factors that contribute to how a child behaves. We do our best, we may mistakes here and there, but beating yourself up will achieve nothing <'>

 

It could be possible a child could be 'mis'diagnosed, or other conditions a child also has could have been missed.

 

I have 2 children on the spectrum, they have and do present very differently. Also, although they can learn how to behave, it takes much longer and more emphasis than for 'normal' children. It sounds on the face of it that you think he may not have AS because you have tried the suggested strategies and they haven't worked. Unfortunately life is never that simple . Each child has their own personality, different levels of comprehension, different levels of stubborness etc.

 

In my personal experience, this type of behaviour can be caused by frustration and anger, and being unable to express this in the 'normal' ways. My youngest was extremely horrible to his brother for quite some time. It was a nightmare. Looking back, now that things are better, I can see it was because my youngest was so desperately unhappy, struggling to cope with life (particularly school), hated himself, had zero self-esteem, was perhaps jealous of his brother being able to cope with life.

 

You need to get help for all of you. Go to the doctors for yourself - you need to be emotionally well yourself to cope with all of this. Go separately for your son, explain the risks to his brother, and they should refer him to CAMHS for assessment. CAMHS may also be able to offer family therapy which could offer some support to your other child.

 

As far as 'being on his case all the time' - I would suggest you decide which battles are most important and be very firm on those, but let less important things go. You are only human and it is totally exhausting and draining.

[mygifts1306]

Thanks a lot Mandapanda and smiley too.

 

kind regards

J