Aspergers and QLCs

[Hughey]

Am I the only person on the site that has had a quarter life crisis? I'm curious....

 

I'm off to see a councillor tomorrow, I hate councillors, but I guess they are the only people who can help even a little bit. Last time I went to one was about 5 months ago now, and this has been the longest since I last saw one. I said that I'm not too happy in the direction that my life is going, and I'm having a hard time trying to figure out which direction I want to go in. I explained that I had just been diagnosed with aspegers syndrome and explained a bit more in depth what I explained in the other thread I created recently about me wasting my youth. My anxiety of life passing me by and getting older and people who are younger than me, anybody born in the 1990's (I was born 29/11/89). I feel as though that if I want to do something with my life to make it interesting then I need to figure it out and get doing it now before I'm 30 and probably to old to break the "ordinary life". I'm too old to become something like a professional boxer or mixed martial artist or something like that. I wan my life to make sense and have a point or some kind of journey to it rather than just life day in day out. I never want kids (I would hate to pass any kind of autism onto them) and I don't really want to own any property or "nice stuff"... I don't know what to say either... I don't understand and that's why I need some kind of therapy, if only to try and make sense of some thoughts...

 

I told her about how I'm insecure about my age and how I have an obsession with age and how bad I feel at 20 and how I'm a but worried because I'm on the run down to 30.

I first saw a shrink called Brian when I was 15, tbh I saw Brian as more of a friend than a shrink because he was on my wave length and he was very good at helping me speak about this stuff. Back then I didn't even know what aspergers was and I thought I was just weird and unconfident, so I used t do random things whilst talking like try and solve a Rubik's Cube or roll tonnes and tonnes of cigarettes and maybe end up rolling an entire pack of both tobacco and rizzlas whilst talking for an hour. But this new one didn't like me doing that stuff, I told her about the stuff that I think about and she just got angry with me.

 

I think this has a lot to do with a quarter life crisis or something. :wallbash: :wallbash:

 

I'm going to go train in Phuket for 6 months at the end of the year and I'm thinking of taking my bike (by that I mean bicycle) and riding home

from Thailand to England through China, Mongolia, Russia (avoiding the middle east at all costs), Finland (avoiding the rest of eastern Europe at all costs), Sweden, Denmark, Germany, France and then having my 22nd birthday money wired to me by my family to get a flight home. I hate my birthdays. I haven't had a birthday party since I was 11 and I treat them like any other day although now it just seems like I'm one year closer to death rather than being one year older and wiser. Then After I'm going to try and save more and go build things in Peru with "Pisco Sin Fronteras" for about 6 months. When I get home I will be 23 and in the final year of my "early 20's" and eve though I have had some good times, I will still feel like I'm not on the track I want to be on and then I will still be worried about stuff.

 

I don't know what to effing say tbh...

 

I'm posting this here because maybe somebody knows what I'm talking about and might be able to say something. Is there a private section here?

I was on another forum and they had a private section for members with a certain amount of posts where they could post stuff that they didn't want everybody on the web to know about. I'm a bit unsure if I want to post this, hope I wont regret it.

[Sally44]

I don't know if what I am about to say is going to be any help at all, but here goes:-

 

First of all i've read this and your other post and although you say you went to a special school and you quoted your IQ etc - I think you are not of low ability at all. But you may definately have specific learning difficulties, or a language disorder (if you find it hard to retrieve words etc to speak or write stuff down).

 

I have a son who has been assessed as around average for cognitive ability, and yet he cannot read or write, he has severe problems with formulating sentences and problems with short term and working memory. My son is age 10. I don't know if it would help you to actually know where your difficulties lie (and you would probably need a private educational psychologist that was qualified and experienced in diagnosising SpLD in children/adults with AS) - because Aspergers may explain some of your difficulties, but not all of them.

 

You talk alot about anxiety. And that also seems to go hand in hand with the ASD diagnosis. Do you/can you use strategies to try to reduce this eg. daily/weekly planner. Writing lists of what to do. Can you organise yourself and your day. Can you make choices and predict outcomes. Do you need routines at all?

 

Secondly there are very few people that have a perfect life. Lots of people are doing jobs they don't particularly like etc. So don't hanker for an ideal that doesn't exist. Just try to make one or two changes to your life that would make you feel better. And when you've done that, think of another thing to do/change that would make you feel better/more positive. Set yourself realistic goals and challenges over a sensible timespan.

 

Are you not employed at the moment (as you talk about cycling from Thailand). I don't know about a QLC. I know alot of people find themselves suddenly questioning the path their life is taking. Usually that is because they find themselves in a rut/routine and can see the rest of their life infront of them and are not too impressed with what they see. I remember a time in my 20's when I had been married for a few years, and one evening I suddenly thought how my married relationship had suddenly turned into one similar to my mum and dad (I was in my 20's and my parents in their 60's and we had the same lifestyle!) And that was something I had never wanted to do. My marriage ultimately failed, and I decided to do something i'd always wanted to do ie. live abroad. So I packed a suitcase and some money and off I went and lived abroad for 7 years.

 

It wasn't easy. I learnt a new language from scratch, and a new culture. At times I was the second class citizen as the foreigner. I worked for an international law firm, as a nanny, and as a holiday rep. I did end up meeting my second husband - and now have two children. I don't regret it, and am glad I did it because it is something I always wanted to do and would have regretted getting to the end of my life and not having achieved it. There are charities that you can go with into another country to do something worthwhile like build a school or something. Do you realistically think you would be okay doing something like that? Have you ever been abroad?

 

Now i'm in my late forties and most nights settle for TV and a cup of tea! Now i'm trying to think of ways to make some money to set aside for the children - because at the moment we literally live hand to mouth.

 

Could it be that your recent diagnosis is causing you to examine your life much more closely at the moment. I know it took me a long time to come to terms with my sons diagnosis. I can't imagine what it is like to receive one yourself, especially as an adult (because there must have been very difficult times you just had to deal with). Although you were in a special school - so to some extent they did recognise you had difficulties, the reason for them was never known. You may need some time to think about and come to terms with your diagnosis? Or doing something like your suggested cycling challenge might be what you need to give yourself a challenge.

 

In your other post I remember you talked about weed alot. It can cause depression, paranoia etc. You may actually be self medicating to help with the anxiety, but it could be making you even more anxious. And if you are smoking alot I would imagine you don't do much else, as it tends to sap your energy and you never get round to doing anything other than smoke it! So it might be worth trying to wean yourself of it to see how you are without it. There are a number of countries you could get into serious trouble if you are found with any kind of drugs on you. You don't want a cycling trip to turn into a life sentence in a thailand jail!

[GaryS]

When I get home I will be 23 and in the final year of my "early 20's" and eve though I have had some good times, I will still feel like I'm not on the track I want to be on and then I will still be worried about stuff.

 

 

I've felt this way SINCE my early twenties.

 

If you feel your public words may come back to haunt you, don't use them, perhaps find someone you can PM and get it off your chest that way if face-to-face is too daunting.

 

I find with many smart people on the spectrum have a different sense of intelligence because of their intelligence. Many "intelligent" people I have met with the mainstream accolades of PhD's etc are actually not that smart. Sure they can tell you all about the mating habit of some esoteric South American mollusc or recite page and verse on some photon time dilation proof of Special Relativity but they can actually be quite dumb. Don't get hung up by mainstream assessments of intelligence, there is more than one method of judging how clever people are and we should be the last to make that judgement of ourselves.

Edited May 9, 2011 by GaryS

[rannoch]

Quarter-life crisis? Never heard of it until now.

I think there are certain transition points between life stages, e.g. adolescence, early twenties, which are natural developments in becoming a mature adult and finding our place in the real world. They can be scary times and don't always go smoothly, particularly for those of us with AS. I don't think it's helpful to label each setback and low point as a "crisis". Life is a learning curve and self-doubt and questioning are part of the process.

 

Travel is a great way of seeing the world and changing your outlook. Hope you'll enjoy it.

[Hughey]

I didn't go to a special school, I was put in special education which is just a class for the remedial dumb kids who couldn't do the work properly.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your son, although it does sound familiar from a different perspective.

 

To be honest I don't really give a damn enough about life any more to actually plan stuff and use planners and CBT and all that ######, everything I have written here comes from my subconscious which I'm trying to get rid of so I can be somewhat satisfied with life being this way.

I don't expect a perfect life, but I don't really want any of this ######. I don't talk about suicide and I'm not so depressed that I become catatonic, but if this is it, then what exactly is the point?

I'm going to die within the next 50 years, I will return to the state on non-conscious that I had before I was born for the rest of eternity, right? So what's the point in just doing ###### you don't like in the middle?

I'm not afraid of death, it doesn't bother me at all, so why do all this mundane ###### in the middle? Sure I can go out and join clubs and just do stuff to pass the time, but that's all it is.

Life sucks and it isn't fair, those are common phrases I hear a lot, but if people insist of saying that, then I think they should also state a point to life in the first place... because if this is all it is then I don't really want it, the universe can take this life I have and stick it up its eternal ass.

 

I am employed on a temporary basis, my contract is over in July.

 

Wow, you did the same thing... but in a different location... sweet.

 

That's why I want to die before I reach 40.

 

I guess so, but its mostly my age and my station in life which has made me look at it.

 

No, weed doesn't have any negative side effects, its all propaganda to make people fear it. Don't tell me I'm wrong because I have heard it all before. The fact that I'm 22 and live like this is making me anxious and those sleepless nights where I'm up at 3am and can't sleep are the only times I smoke it, there isn't really a lot I can do at 3am. If I take away weed and star watching television and start drinking alcohol to escape my problems, then I will be seriously depressed because in my eyes watching tv and drinking beer is the lowest I can go.

A life sentence in Thailand? Meh... life's practically wasted doing the stuff I do here, how is a life sentence in Thailand any different other than Thailand having nice weather?

[Tally]

Hughey,

 

If you are interested in doing that cycle ride, you might find it interesting to speak to my brother. A few years ago he planned to cycle from England to Cambodia. In the end due to time restraints he could only cycle as far as Istanbul, but he may have some advice for you since he spent some time looking into a safe route all the way to Cambodia. I remember him having some concerns about "inhospitable" countries.

 

Drop me a PM if you are interested in speaking to my brother about this and I will put you in touch.

[GaryS]

 

 

No, weed doesn't have any negative side effects, its all propaganda to make people fear it. Don't tell me I'm wrong because I have heard it all before.

 

No lecture, simple facts....

 

I'm a biochemist, worked in forensic toxicology and been around and interested in "recreational drugs" for over 30 years.

THC, one of the "active" constituents in weed, appears exactly the same to the brain as a natural substance called Anandamide.

"Anandamide is synthesized enzymatically in the areas of the brain that are important in memory, thought processes and control of movement. Research suggests that anandamide plays a role in the making and breaking of short-term connections between nerve cells, and this is related to learning and memory. Animal studies suggest that too much anandamide induces forgetfulness."

Half-life of Anandamide is 20 mins or so. (Half-life measures how fast the body removes a chemical)

Half-life of THC is around 24hrs

THC stays in body fat for a longer time.

The brain is mainly fat.

Those on the autistic spectrum have unusual brain growth and unusual or incomplete processes in each of the neural pruning stages.

Late adolescent/early adult neural pruning is perhaps the greatest and may affect the rest of the individual's life, certainly the subsequent twenty years or so.

It is CBD not THC that provides beneficial effects, THC brings along euphoric effects.

Current illegal weed husbandry is selecting breed high THC producing strains and not concerned with CBD.

 

 

Now I'm not sure about "negative side effects" but I'm completely sure that I have a great deal of respect of a chemical that mirrors a very powerful natural neurotransmitter, stays around in the brain over 50 times longer and really messes with inter-nerve cell communication. I'd have extra special respect of it if my genes were telling my brain cells unusual things particularly at a time when my brain is going through a major, perhaps THE major spring clean.

[Hughey]

Beats prozac.

[GaryS]

Possibly, neither are free of side-effects.

[Hughey]

Yeah, if you are going to get crappy side effects you might as well do the fun one.

[GaryS]

I'd rather not screw my brain up at all.