rannoch

Tony Attwood explains the difference in one minute:

I think it was my post you were referring to, so I'll just mention that planning an email is very different from talking to people. I find it difficult to talk to others and to find the right words at the right time. I used to be intimidated by people who seem to be eloquent and articulate, but realised that they aren't necessarily better communicators; they just have more words for things. I've met aspies who sometimes use complicated or obscure words that other people don't use. This just sounds strange and eccentric. There is nothing wrong with using simple words to explain things. It's better to keep things simple and be understood!

That's very interesting, though the diagram looks rather complex. I must read more about this. Thanks.

Perhaps this could be why he is upset and over-reacting?

I'd never heard of The Core Quadrant of Ofman until you mentioned it. Do you think it is useful for mapping autistic traits? I tried it for one of mine:Core quality: systemising Pitfall: trying to impose order and predictability on things that cant be systemised Challenge: accept things in their disorganised state Allergy: chaos and disorder Is this correct? Back to the original thread, I am INTJ or ISTJ. It varies.

Education and Skills Act 2008: The minimum age at which young people in England can leave education = age 17 from 2013 and 18 from 2015. ("education" means school, college, apprenticeship or part-time course)

There's one big reason you've missed out: cultural expectations. In some cultures (e.g.some Asian countries), kids are brought up to not make eye contact when spoken to by elders or people in authority; it's seen to be disrespectful, so they may look down instead.

No, don't answer the phone!

It would be best not to take your uncle's comments to heart. Try to brush them off. It seems that your uncle doesn't know what kind of person you are and misreads people quite often, so there's no point taking his opinions personally. There's a possibility (if he's like my uncle) that he will continue to blame you for misleading/lying to him. After all, no one likes to find out that they're the only person who has not understood a joke! Accept that this is the flawed logic of a very literal-minded aspie and humour him. You'll get through Christmas more easily this way. Many people have strange elderly relatives and take the approach of humouring them. For example, I knew an old lady with dementia who said the most horrible, personal things: the only way people tolerate this is if they don't take it personally. As far as social networking goes, I keep friends and associates separate from family.

Oh dear. He sounds like my elderly uncle too! My uncle misunderstands situations, fixates on details, over-reacts and gets angry when his attempts to "help" aren't appreciated. And he will persist until he either gets what he expects, or someone explicitly spells out the facts of the sitation, so he can change his mind.

I learned French and German at school. I dropped German in Year 9 and continued with French. I got thrown out of adult Spanish class, but will explain why later. I suspect son's difficulty with learning languages is probably not with the language itself, but the style of teaching used. The more interactive, noisy and auditory the style of teaching, the more stressful and overloading it is for someone with AS. I think we learn better in a calm and structured classroom environment. I can still remember the horror of our French teacher making us all stand up and sing one line of a song each. In a language class, the demands placed on a student with AS are massive. It involves a lot of listening (stressful if auditory processing is a problem), pair-work, role play and dialogues. The curriculum usually has a social context, e.g. talking about family, friends, hobbies, holidays, writing imaginary holiday postcards to friends, etc.....things a NT teenager should find easy, but perhaps less easy for someone on the spectrum. As for my adult Spanish class, I got thrown out of the class because the teacher found me to be unresponsive to his style of interaction and not verbal enough for his liking, which he interpreted as "low ability" and affecting the group dynamic. He arranged for me to have 1-to-1 lessons with a colleague. They went slightly better, but now I am taking an online course. I'm learning a lot more this way, as it removes the pressure of the face-to-face interaction and I can do it in a calm, quiet environment. If I don't understand something, I replay it. It may be worth asking your son about French lessons. What is stressing him out? is it too noisy? Too interactive? Too much teacher talk? Lack of structure? Can the school accommodate him in some way, e.g. doing some course work in the library or online instead of attending some lessons?

This zoo incident reminds me (AS female) of a similar incident from my own childhood. It might shed some light on his motivations. My parents' sanction for my behaviour was that we wouldn't go on days out, e.g. to the zoo or the beach....so I played up, because I didn't want to go. They assumed I'd want to go to the zoo, as I love animals, but I didn't like the thought of the change in routine, crowds, sensory issues and social demands of a family day out. So I actually got what I wanted, which was to stay in and not have to engage with others. My parents interpreted this in the same way as you did. As soon as I got old enough to stay at home unsupervised, my family would leave me at home rather than have to spend unpleasant days out with me (they weren't going to let me dictate what they did in their leisure time). I much preferred this arrangement, although looking back, I would have benefited from the practice in social interaction and appropriate behaviour in a family group. Missing out on this practice has made adult life harder. But going out for fun or spending quality time with family would not have occured to me as reasons to participate; as an adult, I'd say this is an extremely self-centred adolescent attitude and should not be indulged. I actually wish my parents had forced me to practice social and interpersonal skills. Perhaps you'll need to rethink your sanctions and approach to your son's behaviour from the point of view of acting in his long-term best interests. Remember that things that adults and NT children consider to be "fun" or a treat, e.g. a day out, are probably not your son's idea of a good time. NT kids respond to sanctions, praise, rewards and encouragement, but it's likely that your son's motivations and reasoning are very different from a typical NT teen of the same age. Keep talking to him and find out more about his thought processes. You'll probably be surprised.

I know I'm being pedantic, but it's Asperger's Syndrome with a 'p'. It's named after Hans Asperger.

The NiTP IT apprenticeships are for school leavers: There are other options for training that don't specify an age limit.

I don't doubt for a second that your son could be telling the truth...at least, the truth as he sees it. Without knowing the details of the incident that set this off, it would be impossible to say either way. Sometimes, issues are not worth escalating on principle, just because you believe school is "telling lies". Children's difficulties in school are rarely a simple, black and white issue. By taking a confrontational approach and accusing the teacher of "telling lies", you are actually making life harder for your son at school. Kids have to learn to get on with others, maintain and repair relationships and (like it or not) submit to the decisions of people in positions of authority. Kids also learn that they will encounter unfairness and dishonesty in the world, and that things are rarely a matter of "truth" and "lies". These things can all be harder for autistic children to cope with, so they need all the support and encouragement they can get.