Maintaining good home/school relationships

[flappyfish]

We have been very fortunate in that the High School my rather challenging son started at last September have been very approachable and supportive. It has been a tough year and we have just embarked on the applying for a statement thing. As many of you know, the run up to this and then the actual process is incredibly stressful and involves lots of people having to do the right thing at the right time. As a teacher myself, I know how many pressures school are under and what a lot of work this creates for them and so I am reluctant to add to it, but then I do have to think about the needs of my child. I feel as though I am forever writing notes and emails and as though they must be sick to death of me. I also find it hard to ask questions about things (especially as they know I know what I'm talking about)without sounding as though I am being offensively challenging. I think it's vital to work together. Does anyone have any good tips about keeping things positive?

[av16]

Like you I'm a teacher and did a teaching practice at the primary my DS attended. His behaviour got worse at school in the juniors and by yr 4 he was given a couple of fixed term exclusions. As you can imagine it was embarrassing all round I made sure that I always tried to see the school's point of view - easier for us maybe than those not working in a school and I always suggested things in a positive way by saying that a different approach might make things easier for the school as well as him. I also didn't get too involved in the day to day minor events and at home was always supportive of the school in front of him. We go the statement by yr 5 and things went really well . Secondary school was a different matter, I tried the same approach and for the first six months at least things were terrible. I ended up doing a training session with the ASD outreach teacher to all his teachers, this helped but I think that building up a relationship with the HOY, Deputy etc was crucial. They did start to listen and make reasonable adjustments, I did write to the Chair of Govs over a couple of issues but I was always made sure I praised and named individual members of staff and again suggested ways to improve things.

I hope you carry on working with the teachers - you seem to be doing well.Just remember there are always some who won't listen or change, I just move on

[Sally44]

No answers really.

Try to have a heart to heart off the record chat with the Head or SENCO, whichever you think is more supportive or understanding. And just say that you are trying to get the right placement and provision for your child so that he will be more independent as an adult.

 

In my experience there are so many things wrong with the system. For example schools are under alot of pressure from the LA to "include" children regardless of what the school really thinks or what the parents want for their child.

 

The fact that you have to prove that provision has not been sufficient or has not been provided and progress has not been made always puts you in a confrontation with the school. Heads always want to protect their staff, but often don't realise that that is counterproductive for the child. It is much better for the school to say we have done everything we can and we just feel we are not able to meet his needs - but the LA can still bring the Head to the Tribunal to say that they will do everything within the Statement. So schools hands are tied.

 

Also there are almost two parallel systems at work. There is delegated funding and budgets for EP/SLT etc that the school holds the purse strings for. School will refer children to professionals as and when the school sees fit. But Statements are different, they are supposed to quantify and specify professionals input, hours of support and therapy. Often schools say things like "parent are not being realistic as to what can be provided", but that is not the issue. The issue is that reports identify every need and provision is quantified and specified to meet that need. The LA is responsible to ensure that provision is made. It doesn't matter how much it costs. The school contribute out of their funds and the rest is topped up by the LA. So it isn't about being realistic, it is about what the Statement says and the Statement is binding.

 

Just try to be as matter of fact as you can about things. Although the school may appear not to understand, they often know alot more than they let on. And LA's are dealing with requests for Statements all the time. Don't think they don't know what they are doing. They do. And they will be in touch with school and other professionals and coach them through what to say or do.

 

Just try your best. But most of all try your best for your son, because no one else will.

Edited May 27, 2011 by Sally44

[Sally44]

Another mother I knew once said to me "you are not going to Tribunal to try to make friends", and that is very true. You are not looking for more than your child needs. There is no point him having something he does not need or a school placement that is inappropriate. You are just trying to make sure he has an adequate education that meets his complex needs. (Statements don't have to provide the Best, just adequate). But that still means all needs have to be identified and provision quantified and specified to meet those needs.