What Should I Do? (study nightmare)

[darkshine]

I appreciate the comments on my first attempt at asking for advice on this. I realised that because my question was a bit general (very general), the responses to it are also general.

 

If you would allow me another try at this I will endeavour to explain my problems better.....

 

I am studying for a degree, I have this course that I'm doing now and one other to do.

 

This module is social psychology - which is out of my comfort zone

 

I have to design a research project for this assignment ( 11 days late)

 

Then my next assignment is to carry out the project.

 

With some pushing from my tutor the research question I am using is about people's experiences of wearing a uniform.

 

I have to carry out 2 separate interviews with 2 participants (as they call them)

 

These interviews have to be 30 mins each and then I have to write a 4000 word report on it.

 

We have to use one of 3 'approaches' and I have chosen phenomenological - this requires me to investigate the participant's experiences while using the associated methods that the approach involves.

 

A big part of this is reflexivity - I am worried that my responses will not be good enough because how I interpret things seems to differ from the reflexive accounts that I've read. and it differs a lot!!!!

......................................................................................

 

It doesn't matter whether you understand all this as I am not asking for info on the subject (this would be against the rules anyway) I just feel that a little background may explain this in a context

 

My problems:

 

I can't concentrate

I feel lost

I don't know how to carry out the interviews

What to ask - I cannot ask for advice on this but am including it because its how i feel and obviously a part of the talking issues - this one is actually solvable - later - but for now is a worry....

How to hold this interview for 30 mins!!!! It sounds like an eternity!

I'm worried about what I'll miss or how I'll effect the interview because I can't meet their eyes and also because of the coping methods I use to be able to even do this type of thing!

With the reflexive parts I don't know how personal I want to get when writing this up and I'm worried that I can't interpret people properly and might miss things if i can't look at them!!!!

 

This is so serious - and I have to sign a document saying that if the participant's sue me then the uni isn't accountable, I have to follow ethical guidelines or I'm in breach of ethics, the participant's have to be briefed, recorded, and debriefed and it all has to be done as if it were 'real' - it is real cuz i have to do it but I'm not actually applying to an ethics board to publish my work - so this is what i mean by real.

 

That's what the assignment I'm doing now is for, and then i have to wait to get approval on my design before i can even start the actual project.

 

I'm also concerned about the word count which is double the usual count and considering my worries feels like a very big hurdle.

 

I have til the 6th of July to do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited May 29, 2011 by darkshine

[Mumble]

I could have written this a few years ago!! I'm now finishing off my PhD which involves lots of different interview research - now with hindsight I don't know why I was so worried, but I can see you having the same feelings which stop you (almost literally) doing anything.

 

I can't concentrate

I feel lost

I don't know how to carry out the interviews

I suspect the first two are related to the third - fear about doing something wrong is stopping you starting.

 

How to hold this interview for 30 mins!!!! It sounds like an eternity!

I'm worried about what I'll miss or how I'll effect the interview because I can't meet their eyes and also because of the coping methods I use to be able to even do this type of thing!

I think these probably relate again to fear - also I wonder if you're experiencing something I did - that having an ASD dx you've read/had people say that this effects your ability to talk to others/make eye-contact/relate/follow what people are saying etc., so you think you will miss all of this, come across strangly, this will impact on participants, hence back to the worrying and doing nothing.

 

Some things to think about:

People (those strange NT types ) love to talk, so let them!!! If you say nothing, NTs like to fill spaces (those spaces where we like the quiet), so you'll get more talk - yes before anyone hops on me, I am being over simplistic/simplifying NT/ASD-ness, that's purposeful. Just making the point that people do generally like to talk (about themselves) if given the opportunity - 30 mins will actually go quickly.

 

The difficulty will be starting the interview - so have a script.

 

Start by explaining what you'll do, how long it will take, then have some simple information gathering questions on data you need - and maybe have a table you complete (even though you're recording) so you have something to focus on - age-group, occupation, children in school, (whatever - you know what you need)

 

Maybe then have a task which again gets away from you having to talk so much but really focusses the interview - it's about uniform, so maybe make some cards with different pictures of uniforms then ask the participant to (for instance) choose three suitable ones. Get them to talk about their choice. Three not suitable. Etc. You could then have some semi-structured questions - what makes a uniform suitable, etc.

 

Then move onto more personal thoughts stuff. Ask them to think of a time they've worn a uniform - then have questions which work whatever they think of: did everyone wear one, did they mind wearing it, what would they have changed?

 

You could then do another task - maybe take some occupations (doctor, nurse, school-child, supermarket-worker, teacher, etc.) - I don't know what your computer skills are like but google images should help - have say 4 pictures of each in a line with different uniforms (so for doctor - white coat, scrubs, suit and tie, jeans and t-shirt) - ask the participant how they would prefer that person to dress if they were treating/serving them. Why? What wouldn't they like? Why?

 

 

Interview technique - don't worry about missing - that's what the recording is for, and say something about using the participants' words rather than wanting to place your own assumptions on top of this. If you're really worried, video it so you can check if there's some non-verbal language if something seems odd in the transcript. And get your participants to read their transcripts with the offer of adding anything else - that way you have an extra check as they have a chance to say 'oh, actually I meant this like...'.

 

With the reflexive parts I don't know how personal I want to get when writing this up and I'm worried that I can't interpret people properly and might miss things if i can't look at them!!!!

Write it personally, put it aside, come back to it and decide what you're happy to share, re-draft.

 

I'm also concerned about the word count which is double the usual count and considering my worries feels like a very big hurdle.

Once you put extracts from interviews in, you'll find you use the word count up pretty quick.

 

 

Now, back to my work which I'm suitablly procrastinating from... :lol:

[Tanya52]

Hi Darkshine,

 

I interviewed my neiborgh for my dialectology project. 45 min long it seemed happened very quickly. I even enjoyed myself after 10-15 min.

 

Before I do something really scary I need to take into account that my behaviour can affect the outcome. Thus I talk myself out of worrying bits. I think about it with curiosity, learn how to like it and encourage myself that I can do it and do it well – all this positive sort of stuff.

 

Please correct me if I’m wrong. I think that you are a bit hooked by your fears of doing these two interviews. I can post you a technique how to unhook your thoughts and take control, if you like. I guess that it’s much easy when you think that it’s doable.

[darkshine]

Before I do something really scary I need to take into account that my behaviour can affect the outcome. Thus I talk myself out of worrying bits. I think about it with curiosity, learn how to like it and encourage myself that I can do it and do it well – all this positive sort of stuff.

 

Please correct me if I’m wrong. I think that you are a bit hooked by your fears of doing these two interviews. I can post you a technique how to unhook your thoughts and take control, if you like. I guess that it’s much easy when you think that it’s doable.

 

Thank you Tanya for replying again to my nightmare...

 

I'm replying to you first cuz its simpler than my other response

 

I do appreciate your thoughts and your right, my behaviour is causing a part of the problem. I like how you describe talking yourself out of worrying bits and looking on things with curiosity - I can't encourage myself it sounds hollow - but I can certainly try to look at these problems in new ways - you have given me some things to think about.

 

I am hooked by my fears right now, I am being ruled by them in many parts of my life...

 

I'm intrigued about 'unhooking' thoughts so yes please post about this technique

 

best

 

darkshine

[darkshine]

Maybe I could just some up my entire response with this smiley?

 

 

Not good enough though....

 

OMG mumble, thank you thank you thank you, this whole things is a nightmare and I'm so worried and isolated by it all, even though 2 people live with me and I do correspond with people by phone and email, they never understand what I'm going on about so I am largely left with my own thoughts when it comes to studying - its where I regret not being able to do this at a college or uni - the value of other people's input can be immense sometimes - even if its just so you know they are struggling too!

 

Quote 'Mumble'

I think these probably relate again to fear

 

Your right (as was tanya) about the fear side of things.

 

Quote 'Mumble'

I wonder if you're experiencing something I did - that having an ASD dx you've read/had people say that this effects your ability to talk to others/make eye-contact/relate/follow what people are saying etc., so you think you will miss all of this, come across strangly, this will impact on participants, hence back to the worrying and doing nothing.

 

Unfortunately this isn't the case - I wish it were the case - I've never been able to maintain eye contact properly, it feels like people see inside me and their eyes burn into me, I can manage it for maybe 3 seconds but after that it becomes really uncomfortable and I always end up looking away, well, I end up looking at everything and just slide my gaze past them when it sounds like they need me to look at them cuz they think I've stopped listening. It also makes remembering faces awkward - if you lined up my family I can tell you who is who, but to describe any of them? I wouldn't have a clue - I only remember details like hair and glasses - I'm glad I've never had to do a photofit thing for the police cuz the picture would just be a floating picture of hair.

 

I have compassion and can relate to people - when I can find empathy again (bad patch - hoping it comes back soon) - kind of need it back before interview....

 

I am worried about what I'll miss cuz of the stress of it, the thought of being in a room and me being the focus, they'll look at me cuz I'm doing the thing and this feels very daunting. Also, part of the experience of it requires me to acknowledge how I feel to what they say at different times and I don't want to be so wrapped up in all the stupid things in my head when I need to be focusing on the interview.

 

I like the idea though - can people really act a way cuz people say so?

 

I wish this worked cuz I'd ask a million people to tell me I'm alright and that my life has all been a bad dream....

 

 

Quote 'Mumble'

Some things to think about:

People (those strange NT types ) love to talk, so let them!!!

.......30 mins will actually go quickly.

 

I think your right, and I will write this down so I don't forget it - and hope that they don't clam up instead of me!!!!!

 

Quote 'Mumble'

Now, back to my work which I'm suitablly procrastinating from... :lol:

 

Thank you for all the tips between my last quote of you and this one - I'm going to print out the page to remind me - and for taking the time - even though I have been told all these things before my mind is just not firing on any cylinders as they say - I am very grateful to you

 

sorry the quotes are blue I've lost ability to quote altogether now!

 

This hasn't been a convenient time (study-wise) to be recently diagnosed, but there was never going to be a good time.

 

You know what?

 

This dx upsets me so much cuz it seems to make it real to other people.

 

For me? Its just a name for everything that has always been with me, I just didn't know what it was.

 

I've been having flashbacks like sledgehammers, all the millions of things that never made sense have all slotted into place and its breaking my heart because how could my family not notice? Then I ask questions like - would it have been different if they'd known? Would they have treated me better and tried to understand me instead of making me feel how they did? Would everyone? Or would it have been worse.

 

I was the only kid at my school who at 15 got put on report (which meant a parent interview and having have it signed in each class) for not going out partying like the other kids.

 

Pre-dx I never knew what asd traits were, only the text book versions of autism which is not portrayed the same as they are outdated, my courses also mentioned autism but in the sense of history and theory of mind. I didn't even look at traits til after dx cuz I didn't want to influence my mind, imagine my horror, when at the height of my denial I checked the website the psychiatrist told me about and saw myself described there, I nearly died.

 

I'm still in denial, I keep getting angry at nothing and everything.

 

I haven't told anyone about this dx - well, I told my tutor, but other than that I've told nobody, not my friends, not acquaintances, not my family, not even my parents.

 

One event was quite funny - in an inappropriate way - but I couldn't help it. If anyone's read my other post, I see some woman on a monday, well she's been involved in all this for about a year and the first she knew was when we had a review and my care coordinator told her, and I'd seen her twice since dx and that, she just looked at me in horror, like how could you not say?

 

Basically this is why the studying is a nightmare for me now, because I'm not coping and there's noone to turn to and I am so lost and scared, and I don't want to insult anyone but to me it feels like a death sentence because I had always deluded myself that I could make myself normal and that I could make all this go away and I just can't, and this is so much to deal with alone :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

[Tally]

With the eye contact thing, are you able to look at people's faces? I've been told on a number of occasions that I make really good eye contact even though I actually watch their mouths move when they speak and not into their eyes. People don't seem to notice as long as I am looking vaguely at them.

[darkshine]

Hi Tally, no long response this time, just here to print off the bit I said, plus I have about 30 hours to finish the proposal - which thankfully requires no interviews - but does require a lot of typing - 2000 - for this one.... I have a few hundred and am not the world's fastest typist so lots to do

 

With the eye contact thing, are you able to look at people's faces? I've been told on a number of occasions that I make really good eye contact even though I actually watch their mouths move when they speak and not into their eyes. People don't seem to notice as long as I am looking vaguely at them.

 

Not really I can maybe get to 5 seconds - which is longer slightly, but feels really weird and I wonder if they know I'm counting!!!! The problem is I have such good peripheral vision, so even if I try to look at their mouth or chin or forehead (which is actually what I'm looking at instead of eye contact most of the time) it still feels like the are boring holes in me.

 

It's so hard! I say to myself "they are just eyes for goodness sake!" but it doesn't make a difference, even thinking about it my hands are shaking!

 

Vaguely looking at them huh? I wonder if I could put a subtly placed yet visually grabbing objects behind where I seat them, or a poster? It's gonna be done at home so I could do this.... It might help so at least I'm looking in their direction instead of everywhere else....

[Tanya52]

Hi and sorry that I'm a bit late.

 

I don’t claim the ownership of this tip – someone from an autistic network shared it with others. It works for me and hope would for you too.

As soon as you feel emotions coming up you separate them from the external circumstance and just concentrate on the emotion, same with uncontrollable thoughts, and then you make decisions about how you want to do deal with them, if they are over whelming then you may decide to just do them for a while so you may tell them I'm going to do you for an hour or a day or what ever and a then you are going to tell me some thing about yourself, you should try to stay conscious of them and a bit separate.

 

At the end of the allocated time you might ask them if they've got some information for you and if they haven't you may tell them to go away or you might just tell them you'll give them the time but then you expect them to stop or you may ask them if they've got some thing to tell you or you might tell them; 'I'm not doing you now but I'll let you act out later when we've got time alone so I can find out more about you.'.. The idea is recognition that these are your thoughts and emotions. With this technique you should be able to get some mastery and learn how to make choices about how you want to think and feel, eg: I don't think I want to feel sad at the moment so I'll do happy what can I do at this moment to feel happy, it not about suppressing or denying the thoughts/emotions it about owning and controlling them ... this is recognition that you created them and its your responsibility to control or master them instead of the other way around.

 

First you have to take responsibility for your emotions, and separate them from the outside triggers, when you have started to control and understand your reactions (emotion/thought) you can go back to the external circumstance or situation with clarity and strength. The idea is to validate and own these emotions and thought, not judge them it’s; "Ok now I'm doing sad, do I want to do sad? Yep, I don't mind, I’m going to sit here and do sad for while and comfort myself or no not just now I don't choose to feel sad, I choose happy, if its over whelming its ok I'll do you for half an hour and then you can nick off... creating an internal dialogue help you recognize yourself as separate from and the creator rather than the victim.

[darkshine]

Hi and sorry that I'm a bit late.

 

Thanks Tanya I'll have a think about that - I think I've heard something like this before but had completely forgotten about it! Thank you for reminding me