Hi

[electricwizard]

Hi I'm new to the boards, although I registered years ago, I haven't been visiting but I've decided to start posting again. The main reason for this is that I've been going out with a girl for about one year, and she is convinced that I have Asperger's. She actually thought this before anyone else had suggested it to her and this has made me think a lot about it again. Other people have suggested that I have Asperger's before but I have never really taken it too seriously, however now that she has said it as well, with no prompting, it makes me think that it might be true after all.

 

At first I was quite upset when I realised I might actually have it because I had always brushed it off before, also in a strange twist of fate I'm actually a carer for people on the Autistic Spectrum. This is really just a coincidence as I applied for the job not knowing it had anything to do with Autism, but this also influenced the way I feel about possibly having Asperger's because it sounds bad but I don't want to be in the same category as the people I care for. They are very much 'lower functioning' autistic, i.e. not speaking, severe learning disabilities, smearing, etc. so for me to find out that I may be in the same boat as them was quite shocking for me. Although I realise that it is a spectrum and everyone is at a different point, and please don't think I'm trying to be offensive to the people I care for because I'm not but I was just shocked to think that I was being compared to these people who can't do anything for themselves.

 

I've decided to start posting here again in order to gain some more insight into this disorder and to try to understand if this really is what I have or not.

 

Thankyou.

[Tally]

Hi Alex, and welcome.

 

I felt similar to you when someone first suggested Asperger's to me. When I started learning about it, it made a lot of sense. Then I read it was a type of autism and I thought, "I can't have autism," and disregarded it for another few years.

[philtfa]

Then I read it was a type of autism and I thought, "I can't have autism," and disregarded it for another few years.

 

pretty much how it was for me too!

 

Phil

[electricwizard]

I'm still not convinced and I would like to try to get a diagnosis, to find out one way or the other, but as I said my girlfriend is convinced I have it, she also says that my mum is convinced I have it. My mum has mentioned to me before that she thought it was a possibility but I didn't realise she was convinced so if that's true that's quite suprising for me as well. The syptoms that I have as far as I am aware are that I have never been very interested in friends and human company, I will get lonely after a whilebut generally it takes me longer than with others. Related to this I am very quiet most of the time and very bad at making small talk, if I find a common interest with someone I can talk about that, but often I find that I am repeating the same topics of conversation, i.e. if I know someone is interested in fishing I will mention that every time I talk to them as I cannot think of anything else to say. I always feel like there's some kind of emotional barrier stopping me from becoming close to people, other people seem to feel a closeness between friends and even family which most of the time I do not feel. I love my family and girlfriend but I just feel like we can never be 'close' in the same way other people are. Also I can find it very hard to tell what other people are thinking or feeling unless I am concentrating hard and even then I am not good at it. As a result I often say the wrong thing and get social clues wrong, although I feel I have got a lot better as I've become older I feel as though part of this is from knowing my limits and from staying away from social situations which I find difficult. Particularly I find it hard to socialise in groups of people, I find I always tend to get left out, whereas one to one I find it a lot easier although still relatively difficult.

 

I also appear to be fairly obsessed with certain subjects, for example at the minute it is politics, although in the past it has been other things such as religions, computers or exercise and healthy eating. I tend to become fairly fanatical about one thing for a few years and then generally move on, although the interest/obsession with politics has lasted longer than most. Also I do not generally show much emotion, I have a very unresponsive face and I have to act in order to feel like I fit in with other people, for example smiling when I know they are trying to be funny etc. I do have a sense of humour which is generally fairly dark but I seem to have been losing it over the years and becoming more humourless. The only time I'm ever truly relaxed is when I'm either with people I'm very close to or on my own and I generally prefer being alone.

 

Also there are various other things that may be relavent, for example sometimes, usually in the winter, when there are cold winds my eyes water and I tend to rub them a lot so in the past they have become quite sore and even bled. I used to believe that this was all down to the wind or that I was somehow sad so I was crying but now I think that it may be completely psychological as it happens when I am inside as well and not only in winter. I feel it may be an example of mild 'stimming' although now I only do it after I yawn, when my eyes always water. I also find that I do get obssessed with other strange rituals, i.e. recently I have become slightly obsessed with pulling my socks up all the way, and if they are not pulled up I sometimes feel slightly anxious or uncomfortable, I realise this is completely illogical but I find it hard to stop it sometimes. I have also had various behaviour like this in the past, for example when I was younger I would often rub my ear lobes with my finger or grind my teeth together lightly as it felt somehow 'good' or comforting. I did it slyly enough that no-one would really notice but I feel this may also be stimming.

 

There are some other symptoms as well for example I have been described as having quite 'intense' eye contact, and I realise that I do tend to stare at people when I am talking to them instead of the usual, relaxed way that others tend to look at each other, and in general I can probably be described as quite uptight and formal in social interactions, not really joking around or smiling much. Also throughout my life people have always thought there is something quite 'strange' about me although I have always been considered fairly intelligent, people have called me retarded on a number of occasions, not just as an insult, but in disbelief at some things I have done. These are the main points I can think of for now but just wondering what other people's opinions are on these.

[baddad]

Hi Alex - It does sound as though your girlfirend is convinced you have AS and also from the way she represents your mum as though when people acknowledge any 'symptoms'she takes that as confirmation too.

Nothing else in your post (unless I missed it) suggests that you are disabled by the disability 'AS' or that your 'stims' are anything more than 'habits' and that you are socially retiring and/or 'uneasy' - possibly even that old fashioned concept (that isn't autism) 'shy'...

 

Of course you may be underestimating or even playing down your disability, and either way I - nor anyone else here - could say one way or the other whether you are or not, but if it's only become an issue for you and your 'stims' and stuff have only been an issue for you since your girlfriend decided to label you then it's not very likely.

 

What I can tell you is that if you go looking for a diagnosis - either for your own peace of mind or your girlfriends - and you retrospectively label aspects of your behaviour as 'stims' rather than 'habits' and characteristics of your personality as 'autistic' characteristics you will find a diagnosis. That's not necessarily because the diagnostician is just giving you what you've paid for (thought that is a possibility) but because he/she will be restricted to only the information you (and yours) choose to give him/her for making a dx.

 

A full assessment should consider aspects of your entire life, childhood development and any issues arising then and evidence sought from your family/mother etc. That's not always the case these days - in fact I've heard of cases where dx's have been made on the basis of a single ten minute phone call or equally brief consultation - but it is how it should be done.

 

What problems do you have in your life and what problems have you had in your life that you feel indicate you are autistic? While i'm not saying your girlfriend is consciously 'projecting' it is entirely possible that she is projecting some need of her own on to you - whether a need to 'nurture', or 'martyrdom' or as a fall-back to blame if problems develop/have developed in your relationship or any other of a myriad of psychological imperatives that can and do evolve, in one form or another, in almost all relationships.

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD