matzoball Report post Posted July 24, 2011 Boyfriend decided we were going out on the bikes - I haven't been out on the bike with him at all but have been out by myself. He just wanted to pop over to the country park which is a couple of miles from my house. I tried stalling him a couple times because I was starting to freak out and made out my ankle was hurting(it was, but not as bad as i made out). He called me lame, and I went home and got changed into better trainers etc. We went over this flyover - I am really really afraid of heights and I started freaking out. I cycled away from him because I was feeling really resentful and didn't want to take it out on him. But when he caught up I did. He told me to stop bitching and went ahead. I sat there for a minute until he was out of sight, then started to make my way up the hill - just as I was getting to the steep bit he appeared at the top. I freaked out again - turned my bike said see you later and went home. He didn't follow. That was nearly an hour ago. I am so angry at myself for letting my anxieties control me, but I am a little resentful of him for not understanding what a big deal it was to me. I felt under so much pressure from him, even when he wasn't really doing anything. He loves biking - it's one of his passions. I was so afraid of letting him down and embarrassing myself I let him down anyway. I don't know if he is coming back and I don't know if we are still together. I really let him down and I feel like I am just a big hassle. When he is scared or freaked out - he pushes through it. It's one of the things I love most about him. I don't understand how I can push through my anxieties and fears at work, but I can't do it around him? He loves horror movies - I am scared stiff of them because they make me have anxiety attacks. I point blank refuse to watch them or when I do I make s big hoo ha over it. I keep trying to give myself a big kick up the butt but my fear overtakes me and I end up being angry at myself and taking it out on him(not all the time - just once in a blue moon). I am so scared that I've pushed him away for good. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted July 24, 2011 Hi matzoball I don't see why this would be enough to push him away for good - and really - this is just my opinion - if it were me I'd get on the phone and apologise and explain why I acted that way. One thing about guys, well, about anyone really guys or women, they aren't mind readers Just remember that your the one who left him standing (so to say) so your the one who should make the first move IMO Dunno if that helps and it really is just an opinion Best darkshine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted July 24, 2011 I've since called him - he just thought it was funny... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted July 24, 2011 I've since called him - he just thought it was funny... Well done for calling him He might have found it funny cuz it might have looked like a complete over-reaction to him - dunno - but I know one thing, if he found it funny, he's not as judgemental as you might think, which also suggests he's quite understanding - and if you think about it - everything you said in your OP - well, it might sound kinda funny when you look back? I mean you just left went off and left him it kinda could be funny Regards Darkshine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted July 24, 2011 Yeah, looking back on it the whole situation was daft - the dude knows i get worked up over things so he lets it glide over his head! I just get so worried that one day it won't! He's still winding me up about it as we speak... Thanks for being so straight with me - really appreciate it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted July 24, 2011 Yeah, looking back on it the whole situation was daft - the dude knows i get worked up over things so he lets it glide over his head! I just get so worried that one day it won't! He's still winding me up about it as we speak... Thanks for being so straight with me - really appreciate it S'alright - sounds like you got a good one there Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sally44 Report post Posted July 24, 2011 That's the best advice i've seen so far. "No-one is a mind reader". I have this issue with my 10 year old son all the time. He gets anxious and worried about stuff but does not communicate WHAT is worrying him. Then he freaks out. But if I had known he was worried, and what he was worried about, I would have explained it or approached it differently. He's recently had an operation and had like a bit plastic seethrough patch over the incision. The hospital had said to remove it after 4 days. So I tried to do that and my son panicked and was crying and trying to fight me off. I managed to get the plastic patch off, and then my son told me that he had thought the patch was holding the incision together and he had thought that when I removed it his guts would all spill out. Now if I had know that that was what he thought I would have handled it totally differently. Instead he said nothing, but over reacted, and I thought he was afraid that it might hurt when I removed the patch! Talk about a misunderstanding. Anyway, communication - on both sides - can often avoid alot of misunderstandings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted July 24, 2011 I should have added earlier that I've done this kind of thing so many times now I've lost count, but another thing that's important matzoball is that you have a sense of humour after - there's something about being able to laugh it off that feels healthier Sally - I can totally see where both you and your son were coming from from my side of things there's many reasons why I don't tell someone things (that are vitally important and relevant) the main ones being I don't want to sound stupid I don't want to be scorned or laughed at I don't always think to tell people I assume they must already know I don't know which bits of things are relevant always and miss the crucial info out The list goes on But your right, if people knew things they could have the chance to react accordingly as opposed to having to sort it all out after - its just a shame that it gets prevented from happening due to misunderstandings and the like You gotta laugh though Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandapanda Report post Posted July 25, 2011 Hi matzoball Hmmm, it must've looked like you were OK until you saw him He must be a good 'un to put up with that! Perhaps he was half expecting that reaction but is trying to encourage you to challenge yourself. It is hard but you do have to push yourself to get through anxieties - have you learned any relaxation techniques you could use in that situation? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted July 25, 2011 Hi matzoball Hmmm, it must've looked like you were OK until you saw him He must be a good 'un to put up with that! Perhaps he was half expecting that reaction but is trying to encourage you to challenge yourself. It is hard but you do have to push yourself to get through anxieties - have you learned any relaxation techniques you could use in that situation? Yeah, he is a good lad He likes to push me when he thinks that I can handle things - I think yesterday was the culmination of feeling under pressure because i was doing something he loved and didn't want to mess up, letting my anxieties rule the roost, and going over a really high flyover - was a trifecta of poop I usually use cued relaxation, but i think because it all happened at once i couldn't handle it. I know now I would have been able to handle it incrimentaly(spelling?) - so we are going out tonight No flyovers though... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted July 25, 2011 Yeah, I'd probably give the flyovers a miss for a while The thing that strikes me as funny with your story and the one by sally, is that to me, it would have been obvious what the problems were. But maybe that's just cuz I have those problems and also struggle/fail to communicate them, so therefore pick up on the visible and emotional cues easier rather than requiring a verbal explanation straight away (I would obviously have asked questions after seeing the cues) Its good that you understand why it happened though matzoball cuz it increases the chance of reducing these feelings in the future (I think) cuz awareness of things has surely got to be a good thing. Its good that your fella is understanding, and even though him laughing about it could be annoying sometimes, I think it's probably a good thing for you so that you can brush it off and carry on without it being made to be a huge issue for you both. Have fun tonight Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
