Totally devastated.

[matzoball]

Anyone who knows me on here knows the trouble I had when I came out(so to speak) to my 'best friend' about being on the spectrum - now she has found a new way to screw me over. But just to refresh your memory...

 

I was best friends with her for 10 years - until I told her I had Aspergers. She didn’t believe me because I was creative, and (her words) didn’t act like one.

 

So she told everyone at her work that I was a sick git who was pretending to have a disability.

 

So I cut myself off from her. I couldn’t go into a Starbucks in Glasgow for 6 months after that.

 

She got back in contact about a year ago and I gave her another change - but this time around the blinkers came off and I saw all the cruddy behaviour that I refused to see before - like meeting new friends of hers who I would get on with, then suddenly hated me the next time I met them. Because she talked ###### about me behind my back. Or saying snide remarks whenever I was openly happy in my relationship - or at all. Ignoring me or saying I was getting on her nerves when she found a guy. Playing me off against a mutual friend because she needed emotional validation for her cruddy behaviour.

 

Over the last year she has become a really toxic person to be around. She has a lot of issues, and I have tried to help her out of the hope that the best friend I once had in her will somehow re-appear. She just keeps hurting me.

 

Anyone who knows me knows that my goal, my one major goal in life is to save and move to Berlin - East Berlin ideally, but Berlin all the same. It’s the one place in the world I actually love and feel myself when I am there. It’s my fresh start, my clean slate - my chance to become me again.

 

She comes on msn a couple of hours ago - tells me she is now saving to move to Berlin. East Berlin specifically.

 

Berlin wasn’t even a part of her vernacular until she got wind of how much I loved it. She even slagged me off for choosing a city full of weirdos. I know that this is her trying to find a way to hurt me all over again, just because I don't pander to her anymore.

 

Next to telling people I was faking being on the autistic spectrum - this is the most hurtful thing she has ever done to me. I have been having anxiety attacks on and off for the last hour - and am just calming down now.

 

I just don’t know how to process this.

[Mandapanda]

Hi matzoball

 

It sounds to me like she has very low self esteem and is in some ways jealous of you. You have plans and are taking control of your life - whereas she looks to other people for validation all the time.

 

You've tried to help (I've done the same myself on occasions), but in the end it is you that is suffering and she is probably beyond help, with her behaviour so entrenched she can't even see it.

 

It's taken me many years to realise that friendship should definitely be a two way thing, anything less than that is not good for me.

[Suze]

My first thought is that she has done this deliberately to wind you up and upset you.I don,t for a minute believe she intends moving to Berlin shes saying this to nark you.She sounds pretty horrid and not what a true friend should be.Yopu could call her bluff and tell her how fantastic it is shes moving there , that you can,t wait to share a flat with her lol and spend all your time together.Or you could ignore her and rise above this behaviour(which is what I would do)..and carry on with your own plans regardless.

 

..............In the meantime try to stay occupied , go for a walk and get some fresh air ,meet up with another friend who is nicer lol and have a chat with them about it.Hope your feling less panicky soon take care suzex

[Lyndalou]

This 'friend' sounds like someone you could totally do without. Like Suze, I think she is just finding new ways to hurt you and not in a 'you hurt the ones you love' type way. I know it's easy for me to say but you need to find a way of getting her out of your life. She knows you keep giving her 'one more chance' and so she keeps on trying to make herself feel better by attacking you. She's a classic bully and will continue with this behaviour until you delete her phone number, don't answer her messages and don't answer the door when she comes round. If she needs it spelled out, say it straight - 'I don't need someone who abuses me to be my friend'. She's likely to turn it round on you (these types always do) but don't let her screw further with your head. Make your decision and stick with it. You might be frightened to totally make the break as she might escalate her bitching? Get as much support as you can and talk through what you are going to do with someone you trust your boyfriend?)before you make the final break so that when/if this happens you have the support and backing of the people who matter. The people who know you and who count will not be swayed by her nasty comments.

 

<'> <'>

Edited September 8, 2011 by Lyndalou

[matzoball]

I have gotten the same advice from The Dude(boyfriend) and a couple of other good friends since i posted this morning - pretty much confirms what I am going to do which is cut her off for good this time.

 

I haven't slept since last night, so I'm going to focus on staying awake til proper bedtime and wake up tomorrow with a better outlook!

 

I feel bad because she is starting to have no one around for her that truly has her back - but she hasn't had mine so that's the way it goes really.

 

Thanks for the great advice - it's been really needed and appreciated xxx

[dekra]

I completely agree with the other posters.

 

This girl is jealous of you and is trying to hurt you. Take her sick twisted little game and turn it around - take it as a complement that your life seems so full of promise that she has to try to sabotage your happiness.

 

Also I would not even give her the satisfaction of cutting her off.....just distance yourself discreetly but quickly without making a display of a falling out which will just give her more ammo against you.

[Kathryn]

<'> ><

 

She sounds like the complete opposite of what a friend should be - have nothing more to do with her. Hope you feel better soon.

 

K x

[Pancakemaker]

Cut her off,lose no more sleep,cuddle smoky and the dude.xx

[matzoball]

Cut her off,lose no more sleep,cuddle smoky and the dude.xx

 

Done, done, done and done

[Adam Mars]

 

I feel bad because she is starting to have no one around for her that truly has her back

 

 

There's a reason for that, and you've experienced it twice. She'll either learn from the consequences of her behaviour or not, but you shouldn't have to put up with the damage it does, nor should you feel guilty for not wanting to be damaged a third time.

Edited September 9, 2011 by Adam Mars

[Pancakemaker]

Done, done, done and done

Good honey no use wasting energy or mind space on someone who's a waste of time and is no help and brings no positivity to your life at all.xx

[indiscreet]

Matzoball, why do you want to go and live in East Berlin? What's the attraction?

[matzoball]

There's a reason for that, and you've experienced it twice. She'll either learn from the consequences of her behaviour or not, but you shouldn't have to put up with the damage it does, nor should you feel guilty for not wanting to be damaged a third time.

 

thanks

[matzoball]

Matzoball, why do you want to go and live in East Berlin? What's the attraction?

 

I lived in Berlin when I was a child, then returned a year ago and stayed in Prenzlauer Berg in East Berlin. So I have strong links with the city.

[philipo]

sorry to hear that matzoball.look on the bright side ,you've got rid of a vamp!look on it as a new cycle where your awareness of peoples superficialness can protect you.I suppose many of us feel like making big changes after ehat we feel is personal betrayal,but don't run off to east Berlin,at least not yet.Just think about it,i reckon she's a jealous cow ,and wants what you've got.i've been backstabbed many times for having an overdose of 'creativity', a hundred ideas and only 50 of them anygood.Pride yourself on knowing what you don't want,let her hang on her own rope,you've more important things like your close ones,they come first.