lindy2017 Report post Posted September 21, 2011 Hi, My 12 year old son and i went to childrens unit today got aspergers dx......it is a relief as i thought he had it as his step brothers and sisters have traits....she gave me some phone numbers will have follow up appointment in 6 weeks time ..to see how we are.....he is ok about it as he thought he ahd it......lindy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted November 12, 2011 Hi Lindy - its good that you can begin to find a direction now - have you had the follow up? (I might answer that myself if you have after I've caught up with reading what I've missed ) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy2017 Report post Posted November 14, 2011 Hi Lindy - its good that you can begin to find a direction now - have you had the follow up? (I might answer that myself if you have after I've caught up with reading what I've missed ) Hi, We were suppose to go last week but the appoitment was 4.15pm i didnt want to drive in the dark as it would have been when we came out its approx 8 miles from our home.....so ahve asked for new appoitment it came and its the same time have phoned to get one earlier.....he was anxious about going....he cant see the point in it....lindy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted November 15, 2011 Typical (about the appointment time thing) A case of third time lucky maybe I think it's difficult for someone of your son's age to be able to see into the future - there may be ways this dx can help him at school or in other areas of his life - of course at 12 he is old enough to have his own opinion of things but seeing time in the same way as an adult isn't always easy... I'm afraid its probably going to be a one step at a time kinda thing though - for all of you - its a lot to understand for everyone, and it'll take a bit of time to find out how things can move forward now the dx has been done. Hope the follow up gives you and him the chance to ask questions (maybe he could think of some he has so that he gets to know more about what this is all about etc) plus it'd be good for him to be involved wherever he can cope/deal with things. I guess you'll all have a slightly different experience of how this dx feels so getting him talking about it (even if he thinks it is pointless) talking about it is well worthwhile (no point arguing the point with him - just continue explaining and see if he sees where you are coming from) there's plenty of time for him to see the point I think. Let us know how it goes? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted November 15, 2011 Pleased you managed to get a diagnosis. I had to wait until i was 16 before we got my diagnosis. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy2017 Report post Posted November 15, 2011 Typical (about the appointment time thing) A case of third time lucky maybe I think it's difficult for someone of your son's age to be able to see into the future - there may be ways this dx can help him at school or in other areas of his life - of course at 12 he is old enough to have his own opinion of things but seeing time in the same way as an adult isn't always easy... I'm afraid its probably going to be a one step at a time kinda thing though - for all of you - its a lot to understand for everyone, and it'll take a bit of time to find out how things can move forward now the dx has been done. Hope the follow up gives you and him the chance to ask questions (maybe he could think of some he has so that he gets to know more about what this is all about etc) plus it'd be good for him to be involved wherever he can cope/deal with things. I guess you'll all have a slightly different experience of how this dx feels so getting him talking about it (even if he thinks it is pointless) talking about it is well worthwhile (no point arguing the point with him - just continue explaining and see if he sees where you are coming from) there's plenty of time for him to see the point I think. Let us know how it goes? Hi, His tutor came today but he ahd a meltdown so didnt go to nurture unit or come downs tairs we have realised now the nurture unit is making him anxious andhe worries about it in the days in between he is suppose to attend 2 days 5 hours all together i think its better if he has tutor at moment as i think he has a school phobia ...he is clever abd we dont want to stop him getting work due to anxities about school i just want him to be happy as he can be ....lindy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy2017 Report post Posted November 15, 2011 Pleased you managed to get a diagnosis. I had to wait until i was 16 before we got my diagnosis. Hi, I have 4 children eldest 33 today and my youngest is the one who is dx all of them have traits some more than others their not dx i dint know thye had it but now it all makes sense i used to think does everyone find it this hard brining up children ....youngest to 2 nd hubby its good to know for definate as we can gather more information and coem on here andread stories and identify with them....you ahvent got a problem its just that they are something special......lindy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted November 16, 2011 Hi, His tutor came today but he ahd a meltdown so didnt go to nurture unit or come downs tairs we have realised now the nurture unit is making him anxious andhe worries about it in the days in between he is suppose to attend 2 days 5 hours all together i think its better if he has tutor at moment as i think he has a school phobia ...he is clever abd we dont want to stop him getting work due to anxities about school i just want him to be happy as he can be ....lindy Its a hard one - on one hand he has a real fear that is making him unhappy, and on the other he needs to learn the social interaction side of things with people his age... I don't know what I'd advise on this - of course you want to protect him, but in some ways life needs sink or swim moments too (but knowing when these moments are useful and when they are detrimental is very difficult!). All I'd say is that if its a major problem, home tutor him for a bit and get him involved in other types of interaction on a regular basis with some kind of group or other interest he has. My biggest concern (if I use myself as an example) is that if my parents had done this for me - they'd have had a blooming hard struggle to get me anywhere near the place ever again - obviously I do not know your son - but do you think this might be similar for him? The problem with school is that it can be an ideal simulation of how the world is - kids can be rude, pushy and cruel, but at the same time they can be fun, loving and caring (this seems to me to a certain degree to be a fair representation of life in the bigger world as an adult). It would be a shame for him to miss out completely on this experience as the skills required to cope are definitely important to later life. (just some things to consider on top of the mountain of stuff that's probably already on ya mind ) I'm sorry if this does nothing to help - just throwing ideas around really But if you really feel he should be tutored (at home I presume) then in my opinion I think it might be wisest to have the goal of getting him back into school within a certain time - even on reduced hours (like an hour a day and increase as he is able to cope) - even if this takes forever to get the hours up and continue part time tutoring in the mean-time... Best Darkshine PS - as you know I have no children so my views are purely based on personal experience and general opinions I have - these may be highly inaccurate but I hope are not offensive in my potential ignorance x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy2017 Report post Posted November 16, 2011 Its a hard one - on one hand he has a real fear that is making him unhappy, and on the other he needs to learn the social interaction side of things with people his age... I don't know what I'd advise on this - of course you want to protect him, but in some ways life needs sink or swim moments too (but knowing when these moments are useful and when they are detrimental is very difficult!). All I'd say is that if its a major problem, home tutor him for a bit and get him involved in other types of interaction on a regular basis with some kind of group or other interest he has. My biggest concern (if I use myself as an example) is that if my parents had done this for me - they'd have had a blooming hard struggle to get me anywhere near the place ever again - obviously I do not know your son - but do you think this might be similar for him? The problem with school is that it can be an ideal simulation of how the world is - kids can be rude, pushy and cruel, but at the same time they can be fun, loving and caring (this seems to me to a certain degree to be a fair representation of life in the bigger world as an adult). It would be a shame for him to miss out completely on this experience as the skills required to cope are definitely important to later life. (just some things to consider on top of the mountain of stuff that's probably already on ya mind ) I'm sorry if this does nothing to help - just throwing ideas around really But if you really feel he should be tutored (at home I presume) then in my opinion I think it might be wisest to have the goal of getting him back into school within a certain time - even on reduced hours (like an hour a day and increase as he is able to cope) - even if this takes forever to get the hours up and continue part time tutoring in the mean-time... Best Darkshine PS - as you know I have no children so my views are purely based on personal experience and general opinions I have - these may be highly inaccurate but I hope are not offensive in my potential ignorance x Hi, I am 53 my son is the youngest of my 4 children im feeling my way around things asmy eldest alerted me to him having aspergers years ago so jigsaw puzzle peices in place.....im not going to wory too much as all of my children have turned out well with a future etc......at the moment baby steps...........lindy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy2017 Report post Posted November 16, 2011 Hi,I want to thank everyone who replied ....it helps alot i am thinking now its me who is the common factor i havehad the same troubles growing up but its life and were all n it together ......lindy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted November 16, 2011 (edited) Hi, I am 53 my son is the youngest of my 4 children im feeling my way around things asmy eldest alerted me to him having aspergers years ago so jigsaw puzzle peices in place.....im not going to wory too much as all of my children have turned out well with a future etc......at the moment baby steps...........lindy I'm sure you'll do a great job in the end - its kinda hard when your feeling your way around and putting together pieces of puzzles! (I haven't worked out my own puzzle yet lol) your boy should be happy he's got a great mum who's willing to do what it takes Hope the next appointment goes well - it all sounds so much to organize, I bet that's why it needs baby steps just now til you all find your feet - I should use that more often in my own life owing to a tendency of wanting to leap forward - I think I'd do badly at parenthood myself - it is interesting to hear how people deal with life's problems (big and small) xx Edited November 16, 2011 by darkshine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
