sylv Report post Posted July 4, 2005 Hello all, Until last year we had actually not that many problems with this....Saturday we had a bbq birthday party for two of my sons. My youngest (dx ADD, poss ASD) couldnt cope at all. He was waiting for two boys to come, who are the sons of a friend of us, but when they didnt arrive by 3pm and then not by 4pm he really couldnt cope anymore. He stood at the kitchen window to watch the street, he was running round when husband told him that he phoned them up and they said they had forgotten the time the party starts, and he was going to hide etc...when they finally came by 6:30pm he was so low that he just played up. As I was rushing in and out the house because of the other guests I just got some of the odd scream and shout from our son...when I saw the video my husband has made, I saw him staying there screaming and having his hands on his ears when his oldest brother just played with all the boys with their walkies talkies and he couldnt cope with this noise anymore. I felt quiet sad for him though. Did you experience something like this before too, does anybody have any advice? Thanks for letting me rant........ SylvX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted July 4, 2005 (edited) <'> <'> <'> Hi Sylv, Neither of my two sons like any change to arrangements. One is 17 and one is 8. It's even harder for them to cope if this happens when they have been looking forward to something. We do not have many meltdowns with our youngest now but a few weeks ago we had made arrangements to go to the Bowling Alley with his Sister who is 21. She was late by over an hour and Matthew was like a cat on a hot tin roof. He kept repeating 'where is she. where is she?' He had his face glued to the window. He made us ring her mobile, which she did not answer. By the time she had arrived I could see that the trip was probably already ruined, even though he had been so looking forward to it. When we finally got into the car she announced that she needed to go to a bank machine first. Even though her Dad said that she would not need any money she would not budge. Matthew started ranting and screaming as we left the door in the car. When we did get to the Bowling Alley he was in such a state that he was coveringt his ears every time someone bowled. I think that when they are stressed it brings out all of their sensory issues and magnifies them. I think that they build up a picture and a running order in their heads. If that changes without prior warning then they can sometimes lose the ability to alter the picture. Hope today is better for you. Carole Edited July 4, 2005 by carole Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sylv Report post Posted July 4, 2005 Thank you Carole!!! Your description of the trip with your son matches almost identically with that what Nick experienced on Saturday. He stand on the kitchen sink where the window is most of the time, made my husband calling them and just when they were around then finally to play made strange noises and covered his ears with his hands when his older brother only joked around with the other boys with this walkie talkie as he couldnt cope with this noise anymore.... As you said, the party was ruined already when they announced they were late...we have special kids, for them it matters, isnt it. I am so glad I did post that here!!!! Thanks for the reply ever so much!!! Love, SylvXXXX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted July 4, 2005 You are right Sylv we do have special kids and sometimes that means we are in for a rough ride. It's bad enough when plans are changed or delayed by people who we cannot expect to understand. But my stepdaughter delights in winding her brother up and that really winds me up. However after the bowling incident Matthew has decided that she is a liar. Which I am afraid is how he sees her as she is always changing plans and arriving late. Of course her Dad is not too happy with Matthew's understanding of this but I can understand why he feels this way. She arrived yesterday just after Matthew got back from his weekend away with his Boys Brigade. She wanted him to go to the beach with her and her boyfriend and her dog. Matthew declined the invitation. She said that he would have a great time with her. Matthew replied that she always says that and he never does She was not too happy at all. I was quite pleased that Matthew stood his ground because I felt that at last he is begining to understand that some people actually enjoy winding him up and she is one of them. Sorry Sylv had not meant to rant at you about this. Carole Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darky Report post Posted July 4, 2005 hi sylv, i have found the same. both my younger 2 have to know where, when and why all the time. if someone is late i get tantrums gallore and its like they loose interest when that person finaly turns up. also have found though, things you expect them to enjoy they just dont. i thought the repeated questioning was excitement but have since been corrected by the consultant who informs me thats anxiety. so in that case both my kids are really anxious kids, repeating over and over. i then wonder why when i expect them to enjoy something, they really dont. but thinking of it logicaly, if they are anxious then its not surprising really. i now know that i dont expect my kids to like something just because they are kids, sad fact but true. it can be really upsetting at times. i know how you feel <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sylv Report post Posted July 4, 2005 Thanks Carole and darky, And again Carole there is a similar thing....my stepdaughter, ok she is only 12 used to wind Nick up as well. So much that Nick doesnt even ask for her anymore, which I regret very much as I like her and she doesnt really want to come anymore, but never mind... For my boys as well, the oldest is more or less alright with Nick but then winds him up occassionally as I think he doesnt understand what Nick is suffering. My second, who is 19 years is worse he says Nick isnt his brother as Nick is his stepbrother and just wind him up constantly. He didnt like Nicks father as he only behaved like a child and never took responsibilty for the things he has done or not. So Nick doesnt exist for him as brother, and I am very sad about this, but I am not able to change this. Anyway, thank you both for your replies, I mean we need that from time to time, people who listen and are alright if we tell them what we are through.... Thanks ever so much, SylvXXX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericho Report post Posted July 5, 2005 I really hate it when people say they will be coming round or doing X and then don't do it. They don't seem to realise the problems it can cause. It's got to the point where I don't tell my sons that someone is going to be coming to visit - just in case they don't turn up. Of course the flip-side is when they DO turn up and the boys are edgy because they hadn't been warned....... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lil_me Report post Posted July 5, 2005 My son really hates parties, he just hides somewhere quiet, we have had BBQ's at my house before but it is explained to everyone that he reacts to the noise etc badly so they keep it down when he is still awake, just pleased I have understanding friends Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted July 5, 2005 Yes I can relate to this one: my daughter hates it when plans change - I posted on another thread about the massive meltdown she had when the car broke down on our way to the bookshop - not merely because of the disappointment - she couldn't cope with the sudden switch in plan: in her own words it made her scared. Unlike those of us who can hold two or more possible alternatives in our mind, "plan A and if not, switch to plan B" she can't do this easily: whether this can be learned over time, I don't know. Where other people are involved I often say that something is going to happen half an hour or so later than the arranged time to cover any lateness. When people say they will arrive at 3 she takes them at their word and starts agitating if they aren't there by five past. K Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sylv Report post Posted July 5, 2005 Thank you all for the replies!!! Honestly the annoying thing is, that one of the visitors has 2 boys (age 7 and 9) but she was dependend on her brother to pick her up and bring her with them....never mind her brother and his wife never will understand and when we should invite them again I probably will not announce it till the last minute to my son. Sunday, the day after the bbq party he was playing very calm and alone in garden and house....you not even could hear him......it makes such a change and is unbelievable. I feel for him sometimes....I mean we know changes in his routine are so unbearable for him. We only need to have an doctor appointment after school and he is completely down and has a meltdown. Thanks again for all the support, it is good to have people around who do go through similar situations.... Love, SylvXXXX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
