justine1 Report post Posted October 21, 2011 Hi all Sam (8) has been doing really well at his ASD unit, having started in May he has settled in and has made a few friends. He has one friend in particular who he gets on so very well with and school have been thrilled with the friendship because Sam can talk well but this boy struggles with his speech, the boy is not aggressive and has definatley helped Sam calm down so he to is no longer aggressive, so the friendship is helpful to them both. Recently at Sam's annual review I did say that I am worried as he is so close to this boy and the boy is a year ahead a fear Sam will be devastated when the boy moves up to secondary school. The school also said that although Sam is helping the boy with his speech he can also sometimes just assume what the boy wants and is not always right. They have now said he is becoming increasingly controlling of the boy and does not like his playing with anyone else. Sam has always been this way since starting reception, he almost instantly has a best friend and he becomes so attached that he begins to become jealous. This,in the past, has always ended up badly as he will either hit the best friend or someone else who the friend wants to play with. I am so fearful of this happening because he has not hit out since last year! Its hard for me to monitor what happens in school but I wondered if there is something,other than social stories(I have used various stories with regards to this in the past as well as talking to him about it but only lasts short term) that I can do to help him. Thanks in advance. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2pink2blue Report post Posted October 22, 2011 Hi, I have no advice but my daughter was very like you describe your son. She would become friendly with someone and then would become totally obbsessive with them and smoother them. So in the end she would lose the friend! We did lots of social stories and talked a lot about what friendship was, how it felt, how it felt to the other person etc. At 10 however she made a friend,a best friend!, and two years on and attending different schools they are still very friendly. She also made new 'best' friends and other friends when she started secondary. It just took time and maturity in the end to be able to deal with the give and take of friendship. If you asked me at 8 if I ever thought she would get there, I probably would have said no!! Keep plugging away and he'll get there. Also keep focusing on the positives, he sounds like he has settled really well with no hitting out and is trying to be a good friend! As the saying goes, keep doing what your doing! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sally44 Report post Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) They could and should set up other social interactions with other children. My son's SALT started up a lego club which was really a social communication club. It would involve at least one adult, my son and one or two other children. Those other children's names would be repeated and they would wear a name badge [my son cannot remember names or faces]. And the lego model would be put together by one child being the designer [which the instruction manual], who would ask the other child [the architect, to find the parts and give them to the Engineer], the Engineer would be the child to actually build the model. In that way it forced the children to communicate whilst doing something they all enjoyed. I think this did have some success, although again those skills do need to be taught and generalised out of those sessions, otherwise they become small islands of learnt skills that never get used in everyday life. However due to a culmination of problems, my son isn't even in school presently. Edited October 23, 2011 by Sally44 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justine1 Report post Posted October 24, 2011 Thanks for your comments He has grown out of a few things and I had thought he had grown out of this already but I guess not. It is hard and I hope he won't lose this friend as he is such a good friend. The school are encouraging him to spend time with other children, also not to speak for his friend all the time. In fact Sam had made friends with a new boys who started in september however the two of them have similar personalities and I guess they clash alot.Sam also is in a different year group so his mainstream class is not the same as the friend. He goes to a different group for SALT and maths. So these are positive steps the school are taking to ensure they are not together all the time. I am just trying to re-inforce the message hope he will get it some day. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
