Separation "anxiety"

[justine1]

Hi

 

I have recently been having a problem leaving Sam (8) he seems to have reverted to how he was as a baby,very clingy. I don't go out that much because at the moment I am on a break from uni but when I do go out he seems to panic,not sure if I can say it is anxiety but he does get upset and keeps asking when I come back. The main trouble is I have always been able to tell him a time I would be back but sometimes I feel its better not to say in case I am running late.

 

Yesterday I went to see my brother and Sam was crying when I left I said I would not be long but was unsure of when exactly. He was asking my partner when I would be back and asking why I left him. At about 7pm my partner told him I would be back soon,when I arrived 7.45 he said I was 45min late,even though I had not told him when I would be back

 

I am at a loss of what to do and really confused about why he is suddenly clingy again. I am going back to uni in June and I worry about how he will be when I am not here.

[Sally44]

Rather than giving an actual time we use a line of dots stuck onto a line with velcro. Then we take one dot off at a time. This helps with transitions, and also with anxiety because giving a time is very concrete, whereas the dots can be taken off slower or quicker depending on how the child is coping, or if you are delayed the time between taking off the dots can be extended.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

When my sons asks when I will be home, I give him a time later than I anticipate I will actually be. Therefore if I'm home hopefully he sees that as a bonus! Also, when I'm out I tend to phone home and have a very quick chat with him to see how his day has been provide reassurance that I will actually be coming home.

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[justine1]

Thank you both <'> Some good advice. I will try with saying I am coming at a later time and see how that goes. Phoning him is tricky as I usually go out to meetings and at uni and placements(at a hospital) we cannot use our phones unless there is an emergency. I do a sneaky text sometimes to my partner who can then pass on a message to him it does help sometimes but other times it makes him more upset and insist I get home straight away.

 

 

I also wanted to know if anyone knows whether some kids with ASD need more sleep than the average child? Sam used to nap when he was younger until almost age 5 (when he started full time school) I find he is very tearful when coming in from school and it appears to be a tired cry if that makes any sense. He gets just over 10hours sleep everynight, once he is asleep he does sleep well though when he wakes up he says he did'nt

[bid]

Hi Justine,

 

I would also try to avoid making this into something it probably isn't. Take a kind but firm approach, because if you focus too much on this you may well end up colluding with or even creating the problem you are worrying about.

 

Good lcuk,

 

Bid

Edited November 10, 2011 by bid

[justine1]

Hi Justine,

 

I would also try to avoid making this into something it probably isn't. Take a kind but firm approach, because if you focus too much on this you may well end up colluding with or even creating the problem you are worrying about.

 

Good lcuk,

 

Bid

 

Thanks Bid. I agree with you there,I don't have the time to fuss to be honest. With three other kids and another on the way I hardly have the time to dwell. I don't get upset or worry when I leave because I know he is perfectly safe and happy. It is just that I can tell he worries he won't say why this is and it is a relatively new thing so not sure why.I don't like him to worry or think I am not coming back he is still young so just trying to find ways to reduce this. I would'nt even say it is anxiety as he does not have any type of panic attack and does play or occupy himself when I am out, so in that sense I can't worry too much.

[MarieM]

Hi Justine,

My son has always had a problem with tiring early. When he was younger it was not unusual for him to have to go to bed at 6:30 as he was so tired. He has built up his stamina now (he's 17) and can stay up later but still takes himself to bed at 8:30 on a school night. He is also Dyspraxic and it is not uncommon with these kids to get so tired. Apparently it is because they have to put so much effort into everything they do. I suppose it is the same with ASD/AS. The mental effort to concentrate etc must be tiring. When he was younger (up to 8ish) we used to put him to bed at the weekend if he was tired or if he needed to stay up late for something.

Hope this helps.

Marie.

[justine1]

Hi Justine,

My son has always had a problem with tiring early. When he was younger it was not unusual for him to have to go to bed at 6:30 as he was so tired. He has built up his stamina now (he's 17) and can stay up later but still takes himself to bed at 8:30 on a school night. He is also Dyspraxic and it is not uncommon with these kids to get so tired. Apparently it is because they have to put so much effort into everything they do. I suppose it is the same with ASD/AS. The mental effort to concentrate etc must be tiring. When he was younger (up to 8ish) we used to put him to bed at the weekend if he was tired or if he needed to stay up late for something.

Hope this helps.

Marie.

Thanks Marie <'> It is funny you mention Dyspraxia as I have suspected Sam may have dyspraxia as well. I am waiting to be seen by a paed for his annual check up and hope to mention it then. Thanks again.