Seems autistic society judo group isn't working out for kiddo

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My son's been having a particularly tough time over the past few weeks, particularly prior to Christmas e.g. did a runner from school resulting in police looking for him, etc etc. Anyhow, he's been going to a local judo club which is specifically for ASD kids for about 1.5 years. He loves interacting with the older boys, but has always had problems working with younger kids (he just doesn't like them, and I also think he fears he may hurt them i.e. for years he's been taught to be gentle, etc etc, but he's a big strapping lad for his age). Christmas week he went to judo and was paired with a younger kid and he snapped - he refused to work with him and was extremely rude to the coach. Hubby told me that the coach gave him a good talking to in front of the group about his attitude and moods and basically told him that there were plenty of other kids on the waiting list should he decide not to come back (R did say he wasn't going back). Anyhow, I spoke with coach a few days ago to say that kiddo finds this time of year tough because of excitement, change in routine, etc and ask if there was anything we could do collectively to short term to help him. By her response, I've been left feeling pretty let down. She basically said that kiddo has an attitude and has lost interest, was unenthusiastic and has a problem working with all the kids. I did say that I disagreed with her, that kiddo appears to be unenthusiastic, but nevertheless he enjoys going, it's good for him, and yes although he doesn't like working with younger kids, the younger kid concerned is rather over-zealous (leaving R with bruises week-after-week). I felt coach was labelling me as a soft touch parent who was pandering to kiddo, whereas I actually feel that a one-size fits-all approach isn't going to work for them all (it's a special needs group after all!!!) and that it was best for us to work together to help kiddo continue with judo (he's earned 5 belts so far, and is proud as punch with that achievement). Feel really let down that she's just there to make a quick buck out of whoever (she reminded me that there are other kids on the waiting list)! I'm in two minds whether to speak to the local autistic society that set up this arrangement. Just feel really miffed for kiddo that someone else is ready to give up on him. Unfortunately, we haven't been blessed with a little angel that does everything he's told, etc etc - instead, I've been blessed (I do mean that - he can be a lovely kid) with a child that really struggles with authority, controlling his temper, etc etc. I thought this was the one place that kiddo would be given some understanding, but fear that the coach is keen to howf him out and replace him with an easier customer! Don't get me wrong, kiddo needs to learn that it's not okay to be disrespectful, non-compliant, etc etc, but he needs adults to stick with him (where most have given up!!!) and give him boundaries, discipline, consequences, etc etc, but allow him the chance.

 

Sorry, that's a bit of a story. What do you guys think?

 

Caroline.

[Bluesbreaker]

sounds like Coach has been employed for a special group and has the one tar brush.

 

I have had this before as a kid and a teenager, and in my teens I have made a stand and told them right.. but that is beside the point.

 

I say go to the NAS in your local area who set it up and explain the situation to them, you have spoke to the coach in a nice way and tried being diplomatic and constructive, to no avail, therefore I say go to NAS and see what they say.

 

In all honesty, I think it is a typical physical activities instructor acting like 'the one and only' in this world. I have had tutors for various sports (cricket, basketball among others) and the majority of the time, specialist group or not, a lot of the tutors, A) do not fully understand the varying degrees of Autistic/Asperger's issues and how they work B ) they are overly big headed and seem to not always place their brain in the right place (I.e. Making suitable work and achievements based on the individual rather than their own goals as a tutor) and C) as you have suggested, they want to make a quick buck.

 

The issue I see is issue A and B here (C i do and don't but I shall explain) The tutor has basically expressed that they do not fully understand your child's needs and requirements which may also include challenging behavior. Your child has five belts which is a great achievement and even I would be proud of that, and with this in mind the tutor must be doing something right, but perhaps the tutor needs to be instructed by someone on putting measures in place to keep his behavior under control during lessons. the tutor also needs to try and control the overly pain in the rear kid. I would love to congratulate your child for not whacking them one and just keeping the outburst as a vocal thing, which is in many respects, a positive sign.

 

I say C does not really apply here, when I put my mind to it. I think it is more of 'threat' (but more to scare you???) to try and get you to deal with the problem. I get the feeling that that tutor is trying to make out that since it is your child you must deal with the whole situation and that they are not interested. Not fully making a quick buck, but I think this goes back to A and how the Tutor does not understand your son's needs.

 

As previously suggested I would take it to the local Autistic society.

Edited January 3, 2012 by Bluesbreaker

[DMM]

Hi, My son has been going to a special needs judo class for the last year and a half too. He also loves it, but is not the most enthusiastic sometimes. At times like this we just give him a little time to sit out and usually he'll settle down and join back in. I suppose it's different for me as i help out with the class and ours is a very small group. We don't have a waiting list and are trying hard to get new members. We have one 19yr old who is a well built boy who was a little over rough with the smaller ones sometimes, (not intentionally) but after a lot of hard work for us and him, he's now very good with them, and a little scared of hurting them. Something else we'll work on! My son has people he can't seem to work with and we do try to keep the kids who don't mix apart as much as possible, although it's not always possible. It sounds like your boy is doing well going up his grades and it would be such a shame for him to give it up. Hopefully now the stress of xmas is over he'll get back into the swing of it and settle down again. I know how difficult it is trying to coach when they don't seem to be interested, but as i have the same problem with my son, i see it from the parents side too, and i suppose on both sides it should be encouragement and perseverance. (have you brought the bruises etc to the coaches attention?)

Sorry i can't be any help, but hope to hear that he's back on track and working his way up the belts and with a few medals to show off.

Good luck

Edited January 3, 2012 by DMM

[Sally44]

My son went to a foil fencing club for just over a year. He went with a support worker from Aiming High. He never fenced against the other kids, because he would not handle it. The one time he was put with another child was the last time he went. He lost. Got very angry and upset with himself. Told everyone he hated them and was never coming back. Then came home and self harmed.

 

He was going through a bad patch in school. His confidence and self esteem were rock bottom and that incident proved to him again, that he was rubbish at everything.

 

Not long after this event he refused to go into school. So I would advise that you look at ALL areas of his life and see how his stress/anxiety levels are and how he perceives he is doing.

 

My son stopped doing everything for a while, and he needed to. He is now gradually returning to school and that is very hard work at the moment.

 

I had asked that he was never paired with a child, and that was agreed with the Club. I knew he was not ready to have a formal match with another child. But he himself had asked to be rigged up to the electronic scoring machine and for some reason he ended up having a go with another child who was very good at fencing, with disasterous results.

 

If you think he does not cope with younger kids, then you could ask that he is only paired with older kids. I think that is a reasonable request.

 

You could also check with the local NAS group what experience and qualifications the coach has - just so you know her background.

 

Also ask your son if he has a good time at Judo and wants to continue going. Also ask him if anything has happened that has upset or worried him at Judo, but also at school etc.