(Self) Doubt and The Future

[darkshine]

I'm studying towards a degree in psychology, I have an exam to finish my studies from last year, after that I'm having the rest of this year off.

 

Next year, will be my final module and in early 2014 I will find out if I passed and what level of degree I will or will not have.

 

The thing is I am now doubting the whole thing, I don't know why I'm doing this any more, I don't want to quit when I'm so close to completion but I am failing to see any point in it.

 

The course hasn't helped me fix myself (which was one of my goals all those years ago when I started). And I don't know what I can do with it career wise because all roads seem to be blocked for me to go much further with it.

 

On top of all that, the service in my area is so rubbish in my opinion that I do not feel like I can work the way they work (i.e. ineffectively). Plus the people who work there just don't seem to care which I find highly concerning as a patient - I have high morals, I don't think I could sit in a room fobbing people off.

 

Another way things feel blocked is that the OU doesn't do post grad courses any more (due to government cuts) and there's only 2 uni's near me that are anywhere near the standard I would require to get a good and reputable result from, and the requirements they want for entry are very very high and I don't think I'll achieve that.

 

The only other way to get into these uni's is to do a masters degree in research, and I really dislike doing research - of course I've done bits of research over the years - but not full time - full time would be my idea of a nightmare.

 

So with all this, I just don't have a clue about my future, in terms of getting qualifications, and in terms of how to use those qualifications - I just don't have a clue, so I'm interested to see if anyone has gone through this and where they are at, and I'm also interested in other people's self doubt and how they got past it.

 

Best

 

Darkshine

[Adam Mars]

I think a lot of people doing a long course of study get into this position towards the end: there's been a clear map and path to follow for three or four years, and no there's uncertainty looming. There's also the fact that, however interested you are in a subject at the beginning of a degree course, it's difficult to maintain that level of interest over the life of the course. I was in a similar position towards the end of my degree and ended up doing a PhD, which just put off the same self-doubt for a few more years.

 

Psychology is a very flexible subject in terms of careers; you don't need to become a clinical psychologist.

 

http://www.bps.org.uk/careers-education-training/psychology-other-careers/psychology-other-careers

[trekster]

Hi Darkshine

 

I'm not very motivated to do my coursework at the moment and it's my favourite subject. It is really difficult to decide what my next essay title is so ive arranged a tutorial to help me.

 

Can you have tutorials or careers advice at your university? Could you change your degree slightly and combine it with a different more motivating subject? Have you tried contacting your disability office to see if they can help you with your motivational problems? Careers can help you decide whether to find work after you leave university and welfare should be able to help you with alternatives if you dont get into your chosen postgrad university.

 

Good luck, i know of 2 online groups for autistic students at university (past and present groups) PM me for details.

[darkshine]

I think a lot of people doing a long course of study get into this position towards the end: there's been a clear map and path to follow for three or four years, and no there's uncertainty looming. There's also the fact that, however interested you are in a subject at the beginning of a degree course, it's difficult to maintain that level of interest over the life of the course. I was in a similar position towards the end of my degree and ended up doing a PhD, which just put off the same self-doubt for a few more years.

 

Psychology is a very flexible subject in terms of careers; you don't need to become a clinical psychologist.

 

http://www.bps.org.u...y-other-careers

Maybe that's part of it, what you say makes sense, it's just that as part of doing this with the OU is that the degree is broken down into many modules, I do one a year and each one is different, so although I experience that dip over the course of a 9 month module (near the end I'm either stressed or bored of it) I don't feel the same thing is happening when looking at the degree as a whole.

 

The biggest problem is that only 18 months ago I had it all planned out, and up til that point everything was going to plan, then there were whispers about the OU maybe stopping the post grad in psychology, then it was a certainty, and since then I've slowly been getting more and more stressed about it.

 

Also the government are making cuts here there and everywhere which is depressing and as a "patient" of MH services over the years I see the effects of these cuts on a regular basis (and indeed years before now when I was a volunteer in quite a few service groups).

 

Thanks for the link - I've looked at this a couple of months ago - business aint my thing and I've no interest in the social work or care work side of things - my insight has already shown that the good folk working in those sectors have their hands tied even more than the shrinks and psychologists do. I did consider shifting over to forensic or criminal psychology, but that would still require specific knowledge and would require a lot more studying.

 

I just can't see how it will all work out - which is why I'm really interested to know if other people are in the same position.

[darkshine]

Hi Darkshine

 

I'm not very motivated to do my coursework at the moment and it's my favourite subject. It is really difficult to decide what my next essay title is so ive arranged a tutorial to help me.

 

Can you have tutorials or careers advice at your university? Could you change your degree slightly and combine it with a different more motivating subject? Have you tried contacting your disability office to see if they can help you with your motivational problems? Careers can help you decide whether to find work after you leave university and welfare should be able to help you with alternatives if you dont get into your chosen postgrad university.

 

Good luck, i know of 2 online groups for autistic students at university (past and present groups) PM me for details.

I'm supposed to be preparing for an exam in April and have just been put in contact with a tutor who might help, I am waiting on a reply about that

 

I'm not sure about the OU and disability - someone said that they got CBT through their uni, so I'm aware that some uni's do offer help - I was supposed to be reassessed for DSA and because I've took a gap year (is that what a year off is called ) I won't get assessed until just before the start of my next module (which doesn't start until feb 2013). I'll contact them and ask - probably easier that way

 

The OU careers advice is pretty good when you can see an adviser in person - I guess that's where me having this year off has added to my anxiety as I would have seen one (except I cancelled the course and decided I needed a break). So this is partially my fault I think they probably do phone or email contact though, so again, I'll put this down on my "to do" list and see what they say - I'm so stressed I'm not thinking clearly at times.

 

I''ll PM you about the groups - thanks for the ideas

[Adam Mars]

Maybe that's part of it, what you say makes sense, it's just that as part of doing this with the OU is that the degree is broken down into many modules, I do one a year and each one is different, so although I experience that dip over the course of a 9 month module (near the end I'm either stressed or bored of it) I don't feel the same thing is happening when looking at the degree as a whole.

 

The end of a module is very different from the end of a course. If a module finishes - and you were bored or stressed by it - you have the next module to look forward to (and it might be more interesting or less stressful). When a course is nearing its end, you have uncertainty to 'look forward' to. If you have a naturally pessimistic outlook, or if you suffer from depression, that uncertainty can manifest as self-doubt, disillusionment, cynicism...all sorts of negative and largely 'false' feelings. And if you'd actually been looking forward to putting off the uncertainty by extending your study, then that disappointment and disruption to your planning simply exaggerates the negative feelings. Add in the uncertainty created by government cuts and you are facing a very difficult time, psychologically speaking.

 

There aren't, I think, any easy answers, particularly if the services that might be able to help - psychological services - are pretty ineffective (and my experience of them is, I think, similar to yours). What a careers advisor would probably say is something like "Identify the transferable skills you've acquired through your study, identify the skills and attributes you are interested in using in an work situation...and then look for a job outside psychology that matches what you've identified". Careers advisors get paid to spout that sort of stuff as though it's the easiest thing in the world. It's not. It's difficult for NT people, more difficult for people with an ASD, more difficult still for people with low mood or low self-esteem and practically impossible for people with depression. But it does suggest a different route for seeking help: rather than trying ineffective psychological services, you could perhaps try a careers guidance service. Of course, you might find those as ineffective as psychological services, and you may find the same barriers to employment as many spectrum people do, but sometimes even ineffective advice and support can be enough to boost your morale a little bit and set your own thinking off in different directions.

 

I'm not sure how much - if any - of this is helpful, but I'm just trying to distil my own experience into some sort of advice. Your mileage may vary. in any event, I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.

[LancsLad]

Saw your post a few days ago and have been waiting for verification as a new member to post a reply.

 

Can really empathise with how you are feeling. 7 years back I returned to college for a second degree and had to take a year out to complete the course as i was having a bad year. I then took the massive decision to move away from my family and went to university for 2 years to do a masters course which at times I found difficult.

 

Looking back getting through both courses was a good achievement, not in terms of my academic abilities which I know are very high, but in how my AS impacted on how I viewed what was happening around me. I am a perfectionist and so was very critical of my own performance and that of lecturing staff and fellow students. As a control freak in respect to managing anxiety levels I had to plan everything to the last detail which was cotrary to how most students or the university behaved. As I got towards the end of the course I had to ask questions as to how this all fits in with other things like paying the mortgage, applying for jobs etc... To be perfectly honest the current situation out there is not that good for a lot of people and anyone whith any resemblence of inteligence would be anxious as a student unless they have family or friends to fall back on, but that is reality and we can't change it.

 

At the end of my last course I made the decision to complete all the modules so that I had a postgraduate qualification to enable me to enter a profession should I choose to do so in the future. I was faced with having to write a dissertation to please my tutor which would give me a masters qualification. Though a lot of people around me wanted me to do this piece of work and get a pice of paper which in their eyes reflected my true worth I decided not to do it yet. Not saying I will or won't but have not done it yet.

 

What going back to university as a 44 year old taught me was that I need to understand what my own true worth is. I know what I am good at and what I am not good at, I didn't really need someone else to make that value judgement for me. What is important is that I try to spend my life being comfortable with myself. University showed me that I am not a perfect fit for the world around me or is it the world is not a perfect fit for me, whatever? I know that if I spend all my time worrying about why we do not fit perfectly the one who suffers is me and that does not serve either of us very well.

 

If I was you take things one step at a time and make sure you tie up any loose ends. My last go at university cost me £20,000 I didn't have and gave me a piece of paper which I may never use but as an experience it was priceless. In that time I recieved my diagnosis for AS and though a lot of things I experienced were not pleasant I know I grew so much as an individual through the experience. Looking back I would award myself a distinction for battling through day after day being away from the security of a stable home life and facing daily challenges little of which was really down to doing the work required. Your college will not give you recognition for achieving this, but you must give yourself the recognition you deserve for getting this far. By doing so I hope you find the strength to take the next steps in your life. These might involve education or might lie elsewhere.

 

Far too many people go to university and think it will define their lives. I have done so three times now and believe me when I say it doesn't. What defines your life is the challenges you decide to take on and how you respond to adversity and grow as an individual. Be positive about what you have achieved and have a belief to make the decisions in your life which feel right, my experience is that our natural instincts are often a very good indication on which way to go. You come across as being thoughtful and honest and so it does not surprise me that when faced with the reality of professional working life you see some of it as being a bit distasteful, good spot I say. If you can't see yourself in that environment then make a decision to change it for the better or look elsewhere to an environment which is more reflective of your personality.

 

My last comment is about seeing something as a place to go to fix ourselves. If having AS soemhow means I am broken then I don't want to ever be fixed even if I could. AS gives me all that is best about myself it is what makes me exceptional in certain environments. Sure I have to put up with a lot of ###### in the mix on a daily basis, but over time I have learn't to respect my skills and associate value with them. I still have a long way to go in lerning how to better relate to myself at an emotional level but a big step for me was giving up on the idea of someone or myself ever being able to fix me into something better. I can manage some of the more negative aspects of AS but that is a very different approach than trying to fix them.

 

Take care and look to your strengths which you will have aplenty and there you will find your answers, we all have self doubt but we manage to negotiate a passage through this difficult journey called life when we decide to take one step at a time.

[darkshine]

Sorry it has taken me a while to reply - I like to take my time when I'm thinking about things that are important

 

 

The end of a module is very different from the end of a course. When a course is nearing its end, you have uncertainty to 'look forward' to. If you have a naturally pessimistic outlook, or if you suffer from depression, that uncertainty can manifest as self-doubt, disillusionment, cynicism...all sorts of negative and largely 'false' feelings. And if you'd actually been looking forward to putting off the uncertainty by extending your study, then that disappointment and disruption to your planning simply exaggerates the negative feelings. Add in the uncertainty created by government cuts and you are facing a very difficult time, psychologically speaking.

 

 

I see your point about the end of course vs modules - and there is a difference - it just doesn't relate to interest - but it definitely relates to worry and stress, so you are right about the relevancy

 

That whole paragraph about sums up my position though, and all those issues are problems for me, so yes, psychologically very stressful, and the uncertainties are really making things worse!

 

In an ironic way it's kinda funny cuz I picked a subject that has broad applications for this very reason - but I'm a limited interest kinda person, so I've sort of shot myself in the foot cuz despite this wonderful broad range, I'm only interested in a tiny little slice of it - I just thought the broadness would be good in case I meet dead ends in the interests I have - so that there's always options you know?

 

I'm hoping this isn't a dead end yet... but all this stuff is so hard to understand and figure out...

 

 

There aren't, I think, any easy answers, particularly if the services that might be able to help - psychological services - are pretty ineffective (and my experience of them is, I think, similar to yours). What a careers advisor would probably say is something like "Identify the transferable skills you've acquired through your study, identify the skills and attributes you are interested in using in an work situation...and then look for a job outside psychology that matches what you've identified". Careers advisors get paid to spout that sort of stuff as though it's the easiest thing in the world. It's not. It's difficult for NT people, more difficult for people with an ASD, more difficult still for people with low mood or low self-esteem and practically impossible for people with depression.

 

Does that last sentence mean I'm screwed then

 

In terms of transferable skills the studying has given me experiences I might not otherwise have had, and I know how to make them sound good for different scenarios, its just, I don't even have a cv, I've basically lived in a room for the last 1o years and little else, all the experiences I get are in short bursts where I can deal with the world, and they are over very quickly as I get bogged down and overloaded by the pressure (plus the annoying issue of agoraphobia which is really bad just now, but does get better every now and then - usually when I catch a break and someone helps me)

 

 

But it does suggest a different route for seeking help: rather than trying ineffective psychological services, you could perhaps try a careers guidance service. Of course, you might find those as ineffective as psychological services, and you may find the same barriers to employment as many spectrum people do, but sometimes even ineffective advice and support can be enough to boost your morale a little bit and set your own thinking off in different directions.

 

I'm not sure how much - if any - of this is helpful, but I'm just trying to distil my own experience into some sort of advice. Your mileage may vary. in any event, I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

This is a good idea in principal, and the only reason I mentioned the psychological services in my locale at all, is that having that inside view from a patients POV I shudder to think of having to ever think about working there - I'd need something added to the degree (assuming I pass the thing!) like either clin psych, or tack some social stuff to it.

 

The thing is: If I were more positive, then I might be the kind of person to want to work in the services I see, in order to make them better. I don't think there a single thing I could do to make it better, because I can't understand the bureaucratic nonsense that these people are ruled by (I'm obviously aware of the need for rules and regs for the safety of staff and patients and stuff like that) its just the stuff that makes them just sit there and not really do anything, and the ineffective way things seem to be run - they waste more time by not dealing with people properly IMO.

 

Everything you say is of use - as you said yourself, just thinking about things in different ways is a good thing.

 

To be honest, I don't think I'm capable of "doing" mainstream - in anything I do I see so many flaws and can offer no solutions as its too tangled a web of money and rules (to put it very simply).

 

I'd rather do something different, something that actually does someone out there some good.

 

I started studying psychology to help me, and the more I understood, the more I wanted to help other people, to find a way that people would not have to feel the mental pain I have felt, pain so strong that its worse than any physical injury, worse than torture, like actually hurting physically because it hurts so much inside that it takes your breath away and leaves you screaming. To learn something useful so that people have someone who will listen, who will not just hear the words, but actually listen and try to understand them, who cares enough to try - that's what I wanted to do - and now I don't see any way how and that's really frustrating (this is of course ignoring my epic list of issues preventing me from engaging in the world - that list don't help when trying to think about a rational way forward so I'm happy to ignore it in this thread)

 

Failing that I'd probably rather work with dead people... Or some aspect relating to crime maybe (although I've done barely any studies relating to these areas) they could be ideas for further study but that's just prolonging the issue I'm going to have to face - and that's deciding a direction to head in next, while I have the luxury of a little time to think about it.

 

So have you finished your phd (and what did you do it in)?

 

And how did you cope with these decisions?

 

 

 

PS - @Lancslad - I will reply soon - probably not tonight though

Edited February 6, 2012 by darkshine

[darkshine]

Hi LancsLad,

 

I've re-read your post and I think my response is really similar to parts of my reply to Adam, especially my last 2 paragraphs (beginning with: I started studying psychology to help me - and - failing that I'd probably rather work with dead people) so I won't repeat them

 

It's good to know there's options, and that there's people who have been through similar issues.

 

It's like being at a cross roads and not knowing which way to turn - I'm on a road that hasn't shifted much from the beginning, there's been problems and issues, and bumps in the road, but the direction has been pretty straight.

 

I thought it would continue straight - to the point I aimed at in the beginning - so I suppose my biggest problem is working a way round the brick wall that's in my way - I don't want to turn away from it and go in a new direction - I want to find a way through this barrier (or over it, under it, around it even) I just don't see how.

 

Maybe that means I'll have to finish the phase I'm on now, before working out what to do - this is very frustrating and stressful but I see that it my be my only option.

 

Maybe I'll get a 2.1 with honours realistically though, having had a rough time of studying - that adds so much pressure!! To get that grade would require near perfect results from this exam coming up and the one at the end of next year.

 

Does anyone know if a degree be upgraded if you don't get a high enough pass grade?

 

In the mean time I'll look around and see if there's anything jobwise that could ever catch my imagination - because those 2 paragraphs I mentioned really hold the reason I started doing this, and the reason I carried on - maybe I'll think of something new instead.

 

Either way, knowing other people have gone through this is helpful, I just find it hard to comprehend it all at times, when it feels like I'm having to fight, drag myself, push myself and use every single scrap of anything I have inside to get even there - it seems hard all the time - that makes it feel difficult all the time - and cuz of that I lose sight of what the point is - and when the situation piles barrier after barrier for me to get through I just get tired of it - sometimes we all need a chink of light to aim for eh?

[LancsLad]

Darkshire I think everybodies first responsibility is to themselves and to gain an understanding of the person we are. Without doubt AS makes us into quite complex individuals in many ways, but also very interesting ones in my experience. The route to gaining an understanding and ultimatly self respect, assurance and confidence is through experiential learning. As humans we need to experience scenarios and reflect on how we respond to them, this is a real challenge for many of us with AS.

 

From your posts Darkshine I very much get the impression that you are still in the process of working through gaining an understanding of yourself, thats great, I guess it is also the cause of a lot of your frustration. When we push hard at the world as science tells us there is an equal and opposite reaction and this is a source of pressure. I think our mindset is really important as to how we deal with this pressure and that plays a significant role in how we overcome obstacles.

 

A few years ago I was the head of a department which contained some really outstanding individuals most of which were older than me and had come from some pretty impressive backgrounds. I had been in the post for about a year or so and was doing pretty well and felt I had earned the respect of my colleauges through a lot of hard work leading by example. One evening a member of my department came to me and polietly asked could he offer me some advice based on what he had seen of me over the last year or so. I had no choice but to say yes but was highly anxious about what was to come next. He started by saying he had a lot of respect for the effort I put in and that he thought I was highly talented and a natural leader but that my weakness was in how I used my energy. He gave me a brilliant analogy which has been a real gem for me to this day. He said think of an old surf guy in his sixties who still hangs out on the beaches of Hawaii. He doesn't go into the sea as often as he used to but sits on the rocks watching the waves waiting for perfect conditions. He then calmly and relaxed picks up his old and trusty board and walks into the sea. He isn't as strong as he used to be so he uses his experience as to when to make the effort in breaking through the rollers untill he gets out into the big swells off shore. Here he sits on his board for a moment or two to get his breath back and take in the view. When he picks a wave he makes sure it is the right one and with every ounce of energy and with all of his experience he works himself into its hot spot. Once there he lets the energy of the wave do all the work and simply rides on its crest untill he arives back to shore. Here he smiles a quiet smile to himself picks up his board and goes home knowing that today was a day in which he lived his dream.

 

Darkshine what you are going through I am sure is pretty hard. The fact that you are still going is a strong sign of your resiliance and tenacity and a recognition of the success you have to date. I think it is important that you embrace the scenario you are in as a great self learning vehicle and of benefit to you on that level alone. I was happy to go back to university and the costs it involved simply to learn more about myself. The first time I was in this type of environment in my early twenties i was very much like the young surf dude. All attack, falling over a lot, frustration but I kept going back for more untill I became so knackerd all I could do was lie on the beach and get a tan. I was a long way from learning how to get close to let alone ride the big waves. The story from my colleauge had a profound effect on me as I realised firstly he could see clearly what I was like and I knew I was exhausted with the efforts of the previous year. The effect was I became far more strategic in my thinking and where I chose to spend my limited energies. It made me think about what were priorities in my life and to focus on them first. I worked harder at pacing my efforts and monitoring my energy levels on a daily basis. The bigest thing it gave me was a feeling that I should trust my own abilities and to use the natural energy which was around me for my own benefit, how to ride the wave in reality. Once I started to ride the wave something very significant happened in my life, instead of it being a battle to try and achieve things I became more relaxed and realised that life could actually be a lot of fun and that there was real satisfaction to be had in how you do something as opposed to what you actually do. But even then I still had a long way to go.

 

I think the chink of light you should be aiming for is a feeling of self contentment because along with everyone else you deserve to have it. In respect to careers etc... we have the right to want to get onto whatever big wave we might choose, but to do so it is better and important that we get experience along the way. I still very much have my big dreams but I am happy to surf what is around me each day whilst I gain experience and confidence. When I return home from the beach it is important that I feel I have had a good day and that it was fun. Sure I will have had a few mishaps and have the odd cut or bruise to show for it, but hey thats part of being a surfer.

 

My advice would be to stop trying to fight this thing and get some energy back into your system and take a look at what is in front of you. Very often when our head is down and we are thrashing around a lot of the hits that we experience are self inflicted we simply don't realise it due to all the adrenaline. When you rationaly look at what is in front of you it may be the case that your wall has a door in the middle. It may be locked but the person with the key is standing right next to you and is happy to open it. You could of course take another running jump at trying to scale it but in my experience this normally results in bashing your knees and it hurts. For many having AS does get associated with pain and it is something we embrace. Looking back at the time of my story I kind of liked being exhausted all the time it had a qudos of being first into work last out being the norm. My colleauge knew however it couldn't last and this is why he decided to intervene. It took a while for me to turn around but I never really learn't the lesson untill I had a nervous breakdown and was inside a secure mental health unit on suicide watch. This was the final wake up call for me. For a time I was very afraid of facing the world but then I understood I didn't have to try and take it all on at once like I had before rather I could pick the bits I wanted to have a go at. With this new insight I was not really that concerned about achievement in the conventional status sense, but instead I took a selfish perspective as to what opportunities would provide the best learning experiences so I could better understand myself. Life since then has become more balanced, relaxed and fairly productive, importantly I have learn't to feel better about myself in the process.

 

Food for thought as they say,

 

best wishes.

[darkshine]

Hi LancsLad, I've found this surfing thing pretty hard to compute, I get the gist of it - it obviously makes sense not to waste energy fighting all the time - and it makes sense to choose "battles" wisely. But how to relate that to things in my life... well, I haven't succeeded in doing that.

 

As I see it, in some ways, I have no choice but to fight, because I have to get to a point that seems far in the distance from where I am now. I feel like things are stacking up to try and knock me back, and there's so many obstacles in my way, and in addition there are parts of me that also make things harder than they need to be...

 

One thing about fighting (I think) is that it doesn't always have to mean out and out war, or blo0dy battles and violence. It can mean a refusal to quit, being knocked back again and again but getting up each time. And I do try to do that, except I get these times of self doubt and then I'm convinced that I'll fail, that I can't win, that I won't ever get to where I'm trying to get to, so much so, that I don't even know where that is, or what I'm trying to achieve. This leads to questioning and when I don't have the answers, everything seems pointless and impossible.

 

Depression doesn't help either... I have an exam in just over 2 months and I really can't find the thing inside that makes me care - so annoying because I know that somewhere I do care, but I just get buried by other rubbish that fills my head.

 

My reasoning then follows with - how can I achieve anything.

 

Low self-esteem comes in with - I won't ever achieve anything.

 

And then my critical mind considers what I just wrote and says blah blah blah - same old rubbish that I can't get rid of

 

As for the future of my studies... well I guess I'm gonna have to find the part of me that cares and try to finish the degree over the next 2 years because now I've got this far it would be pretty dumb to give up. I'll just have to try and not worry about "what happens after that" for a while...

 

Regards

 

Darkshine

 

...................................

 

To whoever checks the forum for swearing - why have I seen f****d and pi**y/pi***d in the last couple of months, but when I put blo0dy in a non swearing context (as in lots of blood) I get a huge line of these: ###### If someone would like to explain that as it makes no sense whatsoever - especially considering - IMO - that of the 3 words - the one I am moaning about would be the "softest" version of swearing anyway!!!! I mean come on - we can have the 'f' word but not the 'b' word used in proper context?!?!

 

PS plus a few months back someone used the word prick in a context that did not mean piercing the skin on something sharp - I like consistency and there's definitely flaws to the rules of forum language filtering

Edited February 17, 2012 by darkshine