Sorry folks - in need of a rant and some advice and understanding

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Had a nightmare of a time with kiddo just now (he's 10 and has AS). To be honest, over the years, things are getting progressively worse - tonight was no different. Think kiddo is going through puberty just now (no excuse, but a reason), despite what endocrinologist says (sleeping pattern has changed, kiddo is spotty, moody, etc etc). Tonight kiddo lost the plot once again because he was given a 5 minute verbal reminder to stop playing on his xbox for a bath followed by a 2 further requests 1 and 2 minutes thereafter. Kiddo became abusive and continued to do so, before stopping briefly to apologise, saying he couldn't help it, fearing that I would actually he was told he would lose his xbox tomorrow. Kiddo was advised that I have to impose sanctions for his cheek and things continued to escalate. R hit and punched himself in the face, head and body for a marathon 1 hour and 40 minutes. This sounds harsh, but I just switched off - think I'd win a parent of the year award?! He's done this so many times, that I refuse to react to it. He's noticeably covered in bruises, and has just prior to Christmas told school and SW that his dad hits him (he's pulled that stunt with me as well in the past). When R noted no reaction he upped the anti calling me a fat cow, etc etc and threatened once again to punch me in the face after telling me that I would regret this tomorrow (said he's going to tell school that he's been hit). Kiddo got told in no uncertain terms, no to lift his fists to me (he's physically large in terms of stature and height - he's same height as me - 5'4"). R finally fell asleep (or knocked himself out), likely getting some rest before the next instalment tomorrow!

 

School reported in his diary yesterday that he'd had a good day. R's language told a different story and when school were asked about this, decided to change their version of events - kiddo had in fact walked out of class and was cross after another kid kept making noises. Hardly 'a good day'. CAMHS keep offering parenting programmes (same ones that I've already attended), keep cancelling appointments, and the ones that we do have, R doesn't feel like talking. Social Services equally as helpful. Admittedly, I actually called SW and emergency number - got no answer! (the one occasion, where I've actually felt desperate enough to phone them).

 

Don't know whether this was stupid or not (felt therapetic at the time), but sent the social worker a rocket of an email advising that there will no doubt be a recurrence of this very soon, and next time I'll be phoning them and asking them to come and get him in order to get a wee taste of life in our household.

 

Could scream!

 

Sorry to rant folks - just physically and emotionally drained after yet another drama.

[Sally44]

The whole point of CAHMS or Clinical Psychology is that they/you should be aiming to achieve something.

 

I used what evidence and advice I got from them to get an independent placement, simply because alot of his not coping was after a day in school where he came home so wound up/frustrated/upset/angry that it took very little for him to explode.

 

I always find that putting things in writing helps. Draft a letter to CAHMS [who really are the psychiatrist side of things and medication as far as I know], and maybe ask for a referal to Clinical Psychologist that has experience of working with children with ASD. It is Clinical Psychology that should provide you with some sessions either 1:1 with your son, or also including you, to teach some ways of dealing with these things. And whatever advice/sessions/approaches they recommend; they should be using the same thing in school and they should train school to use this.

 

You do need to meet and ask what could be improved in school. School need to be open and honest about certain things. If he is showing certain repetitive behaviour such as anger/trying to run awayetc; school are supposed to try to identify what is the trigger, so that they can support or manage these situations better, or he may need a reduced timetable and so does not even have to do these things.

 

My own son also hurts himself, and it can go on for hours. He also says he cannot stop it [ie. once he tips over the edge he cannot stop the feelings/control himself].

 

What I found works to some degree [but has to be reinforced over and over again], is to talk to my son after he has calmed down, but the event is still fresh in his memory. I talk about what would have been a better thing to do eg. using a picture of "here you are", just before you get upset, and showing two different paths. One path shows him getting upset, hitting himself, saying things he later punishes himself for saying; it leads on to him getting told off and receiving a punishment for rude or bad behaviour. The other path you talk about together to see if he can come up with any ideas such as "needing time to calm down", "being away from people in a separate room" [the separate room issue seems to help my son because if I am in the same room he will say something, I may threaten some sanction, that escalates it etc.]

 

So IF I see he is getting into that state I might now say something like "I can see you are very upset/angry, I think you need some time alone in your bedroom to calm down." And he may go into his room and hit himself/punch himself, but it isn't to the degree he does it if we have ended up having an exchange.

 

If he starts to say rude words to me, I remind him by saying "xxxx is a rude word, we don't want to go down this path; go to your room until you have calmed down." So I use the rude words as a way of reminding him of what will happen if he continues down this path. This seems to help him decide he would rather take the other path option, and I ignore what he has said to me rather than dish out immediate sanctions.

 

When it is over I praise him for having made the right decision. [Don't think this always works, because it doesn't. But it is working enough for me to think we are making some headway. When it doesn't work I tend to remove myself from his environment so that things do not escalate.] I don't do it in a way that he thinks he has won etc. I might say "you have said rude words to me, you need to calm down, go to your room." If he refuses, I might say "Okay you stay here then, but I have some jobs to do upstairs." And I would leave and go upstairs and maybe tidy up the bathroom etc.

 

If he really does have less control over his emotions [which is what the experts say is really happening], then to me there seems to be no point in my jumping in and making the situation worse at a time when he has least control over himself. However I also try to teach him a more appropriate response, as i've detailed below.

 

Regarding the XBOX, yes he needed to come off it. Now that that event is over, ask him what would help him to come off the XBOX. Remind him that when you say he needs to come off the XBOX that is a warning that the time is coming to an end. If he says he just wants to continue, you just have to reinforce that he cannot just continue for as long as he likes. He has a set time on the XBOX, when that time is up he has to stop. If he is in the middle of a game I would allow him to finish it [unless that involves a further hour of playing!]. If he does not stop remind him that that could lead to the path where he gets upset and says and does things that he regrets, and that when he says rude words, or hurts himself, or threatens to hurt you, that you have to give him a punishment for that bad behaviour.

 

Try to show, through the diagram of the different paths, how complying leads to him getting what he wants, and following the other path leads to upset, crying, and punishment where he gets his XBOX removed. Ask him which path sounds like a better choice.

 

There are also specific approaches like "think before you act". I don't know if that is the actual name of it, but I know it is something my son's school have said they are going to use. Because it is that impulsive knee jerk reaction that can lead to all kinds of problems, where if they thought about their actions and the consequences of it, and were taught alternatives, they may react differently.

Edited March 1, 2012 by Sally44

[Sally44]

Also do you have "Aiming High" in Scotland? If you do ask a professional that is involved with your son to refer you. The Occupational Therapist referred us and we get 160 hours a year 1:1 support from a carer that takes my son out of the house to do things he likes.

 

In England the professional refers you to social services, who are involved simply as the gateway to access this funding. SS are not involved themselves at all. They simply say what amount of hours you are funded for, and then give you a list of a number of service providers, for you to choose which one can best meet your son's needs.

 

This gives him time with another adult and gives him some independence and time away from mum. And it gives me and the rest of the family an opportunity to do something we want to do, or just to do nothing.

Edited March 1, 2012 by Sally44

[chris54]

We have found with regard to ending a game, session on the computer or what ever, we have a timer, kitchen type, that we set to the amount of time to spend on an activity, that way son knows how long he has at the start and can see how the time is going along. We seldom have (at the moment) any problems.

He is allowed 1 hours a day to play on line games, using the timer he self regulates he use of this time.

We even set it for 10 minuets to get dressed for school, now it is a bit of a challenge to see how much time is left when he is ready.

[LancsLad]

This is just an observation, and please do not feel I am trying to be critical, I am not, rather trying to offer a bit of help.

 

As a behavioural sequence and putting my own AS perspective into it, not defending your sons actions just opening up the viewpoints;

 

Son is tired and had stressfull day, retreats into own place and engages in self comforting behaviour xbox.

Parent tells him need for bath followed by two further requests spaced apart seems reasonable.

 

Son is playing a game which is 'possibly' playing an emotional role in his own self management of the day and as such is important to him. Side note, games are designed to be adictive and run through natural sequences of issues to be resolved, very few are designed to drop and pick up instantly without a cost in lost time, points etc... When my partner does this to me for example arrives with a shopping list she knows this really ###### me off. What she has learn't is to ask what I am doing and sit next to me and pay some interest in the game, suspect she is actually day dreams of Asda to be honest. Might be a strategy to know his games a bit and phrase the request 'it is bath time when you get to ???? in the game'. Most games run in reasonably short sequence of no more than a few minutes 10 or so. If they are really open ended and longer than this then the understanding should be that these types of games are for weekends and holidays in the day time when there is no pressure and they can be enjoyed.

 

Son engrosed in game attention needing to be split but drawn into current activity becomes abusive.

 

Verbal messages coming in from side and having to process a lot of information and now some in a social context, leads to overload and a fight or flight reaction comes out in the form of verbal abuse, this might be designed to afford a little bit of thinking space.

 

Son stops, appologises, saying he couldn't help it.

 

He has now had the time to process the social scenario which has just enfolded and realises he has made a mistake. As a pretty mature response he appologises to mum. On the issue of he couldn't help it. As individuals with ASD's we could be described as clumsy in these sort of free form social situations, we can easily bump into things and knock stuff over so to speak, but did he break anything or was it a case of picking a couple of things up and putting them back in a better place. I would not be surprised if at this point he was feeling pleased with himself for getting to the right answer he appologised.

 

Son is then told that there are now going to be sanctions which have to be applied.

 

Trigger point reached, possibly thought he had done something well in respect to his own behaviour management, though I recognise it was not perfect, now told he has not done well. I know that I see things very much in black and white terms and grey areas are difficult for me and even more so when I am tired and emotions are buzzing around. it is easy to flip from one position to another very quickly and loose a grip on what is after all a grey area. Once triggered the frustrations of the day come to the surface and your son engages into a sequence of self harm activity. I consider myself to be a rational intelligent individual and I also engage in periods of self harm when I feel the need to release tension from my system. You might see this as a stage show I see it more as a natural sequence off emotional unloading, the fact it went on for this amount of time indicates there was a lot of stuff in there which needed to come out.

 

Parent then leaves son to get on with it.

 

I would say this is a good response, it is his behaviour and he needs to own it, if it was directed at you or for you he would have stopped after a while as it fulfilled no real purpose. The fact it went on and on shows he was in control of it in a way and as such to leve him is I think the right way to go. It was inevitably going to reach an end point of possible exhaustion.

 

Son then calls mum a fat cow etc... and following no reaction says he will tell school he has been hit etc...

 

Son comes out of emotional sequence of self harm exhausted and needs to find an anchor in which to secure his ship. Throws it out there and tries to find grip but unable to see what is below the surface due to all the waves he has created. This is how I see it in that he wants his mum to be there as a safe place. I know when I get really frustrated, and it is not a very frequent thing I tend to let everything go in very long dialouges with my partner at the end of which I need to work through an exit strategy. The thanks for listening, but this really bugs me and, oh yes sorry, but if they ring back tomorrow i'm going, oh is that the time, just give me a minute and i'll finish, why are you going to bed etc... What I really want to do is get out of the emotional state and simply have a big cuddle and fall asleep but often the energies are still there and are disipating. Another view might be that your son decided to return to a starting point in the circle of behaviour to see if this would trigger another cycle of self harm, there might still be a lot of psychological stuff still in there but he ran out of physical energy.

 

I think a last point here is that the aftermaths of self harm episodes can leave us with a lot of guilt. Guilt is not an easy feeling for any of us to live with especially a 10 year old. When we are left with a feeling that is this bad then a solution is to try and transfare it onto someone else, in this case I didn't do this to myself you did. I think this is a difficult area as there is no way you can take this off him in these circumstances. What I think is important with all self harm is to recognise it has a purpose and as such is an acceptable behaviour. Such approaches de-stigmatise the behaviour and as a result reduce the unwanted element of guilt which is the aftermath. In this instance reinforcing the guilt by building lies onto the behaviour would be a big mistake in my opinion, not saying that happened, rather simply ring up school and say he had a period last night where through frustration he hit himself for well over an hour and his boody in its current state is a reflection of this behaviour. This might even give the school a bit of insight as to what is going on in his life at present.

 

At the end of the day I can sit here and be very emotionally detatched from this and as such might give a little bit of insight into an alternative position. My own advice is to try and manage behaviour when emotions are at low levels, in this way I do not think I would have brought up the sanction concept for cheek at that point which could have been the trigger, it might have been thank you for the appology that shows thought on your part, the bath is run ok. One idea might be to have a rewards and sanctions meeting at the end of the week where you sit down and talk through events like this. If your son knows he has done something bad then he has the opportunity to counter some of this more negative behaviour through positive actions in the meantime. This does not mean the cheek as you describe it goes away rather it is modeling thinking space. I believe the aim with AS as we get older is to reduce this thinking space down to manageable proportions but to make responses in seconds and minutes for a 10 year old when emotions are high is a big ask. If your son simply can't do this then in reality he can never win and that is in itself a very frustrating prospect and one which leads to though processes that 'no one understands me and I am a failure in an adult world', this is simply a place no one should be in no matter the circumstances.

 

Cmuir I think the end of your post highlights that it is difficult to pass judgement and manage scenarios when our own emotions are running very high. Through your own frustration you are also quite happy at the time to possibly damage relationships this time with your son's social worker. I hope the social worker can take a balanced view of this and i would strongly advise you sent a follow up e-mail and appologise. I know this might sound harsh, and I have had my fair share of frustrations regarding social workers in my time as a foster carer, but your son might have invested a lot of effort and time in trying to build a relationship with this person and reach a point of trust. If I was your son I would be very pissed off with you if it the case you have dismantled a lot of that hard work. I think this is a very good case of two wrongs don't make a right.

 

Hope some of these thoughts might help a little, its not easy being a parent and we are involved in a learning process all we can do is try and be the best we can be. I think it is important that you take time to reflect on how your son sees things in his life and talk through this eppisode in a calm way. Part of growning up is the transfare of responsibility and this requires insight on his part if he is to be better equiped in the next phase of his life. He can only work with the skills he has currently got, and it is important that you equip him better next time around. If you are to do this then I think it is important that you understand his condition as much as you can. A final example might be, and personal experience indicates this, that verbal requests when he is absorbed in an activity such as xbox are difficult to process, he might be better with visual inputs. I can see a good general parenting strategy in the two more warnings and out position you took, but it might not have gone in. An alternative might be a yellow then amber card placed quietly next to him as a visual clue. I know little ideas like this take an effort on our part but I feel we should be prepared to meet our kids half way and acknowledge that thier worlds might opperate in slightly different ways than your own.

 

Best wishes.

[bed32]

I walked in yesterday into a similar scene - I could hear it from the road. Getting him off the games is never easy. The end of the day seems particularly difficult to the extent we are considering trying to move the time to earlier in the evening - but that has its own issues.

 

We've tried warnings, we've used timers but nothing appears to work reliably.

 

In terms of calming him down again - we don't have as bad problems as you - it rarely lasts more than 30 minutes. It is an advantage having two of us of course. If the OH annoys him I can calm him down and vice verse.

 

I have mixed feelings about the games at all - he does enjoy it and it can be a retreat or a release, but if it results in a melt-down then it is clearly counter productive. I think we need a real sanction to modify this behaviour, and I've thought about banning the games the day after we have these problems. The problem being that once he begins to lose it then he ceases to act rationally enough for any sanction to have any hold over him

[Sally44]

We tried a time timer and that did not work for us. Our son just got very anxious about the 'amount of time' he was allocated, and would get more upset as he saw the time going down, and felt he would not achieve what he wanted to achieve within the timescale given to him and set on the time timer. My son has no real built in understanding of time, or internal clock, at all. He is also a nightmare at 'starting' and 'stopping' and 'transitions' in general.

 

What we did use that was more successful [and was provided by ClinPsych] was a strip with velcro circles on. We would tell him how much time he had on the computer, and then we would take the circles off one at a time.

 

If it became obvious that he was not coping, or would not finish a certain thing within a timeframe, we would simply delay the time between the other circles. In that way we avoided the inevitable clash of the time finishing and he was not ready/able to finish.

 

As many on the spectrum also struggle with leaving things unfinished, we also tried, wherever possible to make it absolutely clear before he started whether he was going to have enough time to finish, or whether he would have to leave it unfinished and complete it at another time.

 

This still gets him to finish, but in a timeframe and in a way that suits both him and family.

Edited March 1, 2012 by Sally44

[LancsLad]

I know this is a bit of a side issue, but computer games are in my personal experience such a tricky area to manage.

 

In many ways they can offer people like me real escapism from the real world and a chance to express myself. They can also be highly sophisticated environments which offer intellectual rewards which in my opinion are simply not available from media such as TV and mainstrean cinema. The only thing which has a chance of competing with a computer game for me is a very good book.

 

At present I would say computer games are a positive element in my life. I might currently play for two or three hours a day and I find this does not stop me doing other things which is an important benchmark, and I feel I use them as a regulatory device to keep me in balance.

 

I would urge anyone with children who seem obsessed with computer games to really try and understand what they are up to and examine with them the positive and negatives they are getting from their gaming experiences. Personally the idea of having my time restricted makes me feel very uncomfortable, and to break off from a very pleasurable experience, and I am being honest here, at the whim of a timing device creates real tension in my body thinking about it. I put this back to you, what would it be like having intimate sex with your parner knowing it had to end instanly once the egg timer went off!

 

There have been times when my computer gaming has been out of control. I can remeber my partner wanting me for a few minutes a few years back when I was playing World of Warcraft and telling her sorry but I can't leave it. I then explained I was in a dungeon with 39 other people from around the globe working towards the end Boss in the dungeon. To get this far we had been working for a couple of hours and were about half way. She asked me how did we all know what to do, I had to explain that I and one other person was directing opperations, and as such I really couldn't wreck the evening of 39 other people. She asked could I not drop out to which point as the most powerful Warlock in the group our whole strategy was based around a few spells I could muster when and if we got to the end, and this was our fourth attempt in the past fortnight. She simply didn't realise what was involved in the games which I was playing, I would urge you to find out. This one instance was a bit of a wake up moment for me as I realised my life was being dictated by other people and there was a lot of pressure on me to perform and deliver the goods for others enjoyment so I dropped out of this aspect of gameplay.

 

Computer games are very complex things, the very best are years in the making and have budgets for development which are in line with the most expensive of films. As a result there are experts in psychology working on them, so do not underestimate the pull and emotional attatchment they have on some people such as me. I suspect your children feel very differently about their gameplay than you do in many instances. It is a case of weighing up the poitive and negative benefits and keeping everything in a healthy perspective.

[caci]

Slightly of topic, but a huge THANK YOU to Lancslad for explaining the "addiction" to gaming so carefully.

 

So much of what he says is true for our 13yr old, especiaaly the bits about team play and being unable to cope with a timer dictating when something has to end.

[Dijac]

hI,

 

My son is 12 now, and we are awaiting a diagnosis of AS - currently they say no, hge is just 'gifted', but we'll see.

 

But this is just how we were about a year ago. We still have some problems getting him off the computer, but not as bad as before. 3 main things have changed in the last year.

 

1) we realise he has a problem - and listen, if he decides to speak to us - rare, but we often have to read between the lines - but we try, so he sort of knows we want to help.

 

2) the psychiatrist put him on meds (0.5 or risperdal)- not for everyone, but the doc has told us it is a very low dose, and it seems to have helped him.

 

2) We found that evenings were worse - he too would hit himself, and threaten me or his brother etc. For the most part, we are now able to pick him up and bring him home for lunch. Not practical for everyone I know, and I am sure some people will say it doesn't help him learn to control himeslef, but having a break at lunchtime really seems to have made a difference. He no longer comes home already in an explosive state. In fact, being in a noisy school canteen was one of the things he hated most. If I work, then his tutor has said he can bring sandwiches and go in the classroom - just so he has some calm. He does now stay to lunch once every 2 weeks in the canteen, and seems to tolerate it ok.

 

I wish there was one big solution for everyone, but I just wanted to share what seems to help us (at the moment anyway).

 

Good luck,

 

Diane

[darkshine]

I've loved computer games since I was 6 or 7 and first got my hands on my brother's console (commodore 64) and since then I've never looked back.

 

But something has changed.

 

Right up until the death of the PS2 (playstation 2) I have been able to pause games and leave them whenever I want or even whenever someone else wants...

 

But now... now there's live gaming it is so much harder, the games feel more real, the goals are better, there are challenges, gamer points, skill points, rankings, medals, badges, full character customisation on certain games and god doesn't it just feed the addiction. It makes me want more, more games, more points, the highest scores, I don't want to be ok, or even good, I want to be the best at the games I play

 

On top of that, on xbox360 you can then compare yourself to your friends, you can literally line up a list of your games and theirs and see them side by side - to see who's scored what on what games like it wasn't competitive enough

 

For the first time in my life I get really stressed if people walk in front of the tv on certain games, I care about turning it off before I've done a task or achieved a high score - it is so much harder to disconnect from these games because some of them cannot be paused, and like LancsLad's example, there are other people you can join up with, it makes you feel like letting them down (although not to the extent that world of warcraft does). As an aside I personally have steered well clear of that game I lost 2 friends to it, they literally lost 6-9 months of their lives on that game - knowing myself I know I'd lose a couple of years so I've avoided it like the plague

 

I also agree with LancsLad on the timer thing, sometimes it would be ok, but mostly it would stress me right out knowing that games can over-run.

 

I don't turn into a gamer everyday as I can't be bothered on days when there just isn't time for it - plus the console is on the main tv in the house and other's should get their share of the tv - I only turn it on when I know I've got 2-4 hours to spare - I'd rather do that than be told by my housemates that I've got 60 minutes here and 90 minutes there (I can't repeat what I would say if I was limited in that way - a lot of ##'s )

 

What surprises me is the age of some of the kids on games like Call of Duty (MW2, Black Ops, MW3) they're like 7 or 8 and playing - or Red Dead Redemption where you get 'em killing women and several types of animals and loving it - it took me a while to get used to some things like that - like MW2's airport mission for example, where they basically walk the whole way through killing everyone - and I mean everyone! (no children killed in these games I will add) but still... total hardcore compared to my childhood of pacman and the like the funny thing is that I play these games without really thinking now, but sometimes a visitor comes over and is shocked by the content.

Edited March 2, 2012 by darkshine

[chris54]

First I would say that any "Game" that involves "Killing" would not be tolerated in our house.

Personally I don't understand any parent that is happy for their child to play such games.

 

The sort of games my son plays are ones were you construct not destroy.

Slow moving, they move at your speed. To finish you just press save.

 

Somehow I don't think we are talking about the same thing.

Edited March 2, 2012 by chris54

[chris54]

Just been reading back over some of this topic.

Don't think we would be able to play some of these complex games with multiple players, our Internet is not that fast, and drops out once or twice an hour.

 

Time, my son likes to know how time is going. how long left, how long before. Maybe that runs in the family, I remember my dad would check his watch ever few minuets. he had 2 or 3 clocks in each room of the house.

Maybe I'm the same, Just looking around I can see 4 clocks from where I'm sat right now, and off the top of my head I can think of 13 clocks in the house, that's not including clock display on computers, etc.

[darkshine]

I thought the point was the ability to monitor time, in order to turn a computer game off when said allotted time has run out while trying to maintain a smooth transition from one activity to another? That's why I was adding an explanation of how some consoles make that even harder because of the way the game play is performed. Of the games I have on proper consoles (and not pc or hand held) I'd estimate that only half have frequent opportunity to save - the other half all have very long stages between activities and ability to save, or wait for the game to autosave, and the tasks involved in this percentage are quite time consuming.

 

I just used those types of game as an example of how online play can effect time and how the gaming world has changed since the 80's. I think they are all age certificate 18 anyway, which is why I'm always shocked when there are kids about on them - maybe a bad example, but the point I was trying to make was that there's an entire population of teens around the world that are playing these things without thinking twice - pretty mind blowing how that has happened and how the players are getting younger and younger... Like the arguments people had over Grand Theft Auto several years ago and it influencing kids to nick cars...

 

A possible better example would have been online racing games... they take a millennia to load - and therefore take time out of playing - this was the point I was trying to make, that with the online functions that are becoming more and more popular. it effects the concept of time somewhat.

 

Plus I was trying to explain some of the "perks" that are targeting people to make them want to play the games and continue playing them.

 

Fact is that the gaming marketplace has completely changed from that of just ten years ago, which again, was far developed from that of 10 years before... nowadays its not too dissimilar to rats in a skinner box being fed pellets for performing a "desired" action on some of these consoles.

[Sally44]

My son seems to have an inbuilt ability to play computer games! Eventhough he cannot read the onscreen instructions, he just seems to know what to do.

 

But we have looked at the games before we bought them to try to understand the aim of the game, and whether it involves alot of reading. Because if it does, then he obviously finds it harder or impossble to play because he cannot read.

 

We've just bought him a yugioh game, and are finding that it contains too much language. We may have to swop it for something different.

 

I never thought about the ability to save or finish a game. Interesting that. It is something that is relevent because nobody likes to leave a game half way through. And I presume that whereas I might have a good ideas as to whether I have enough time to complete a game before I have to do x, y or z - I know my son cannot do that. And I don't think it is fair on him to expect him to leave things unfinished, especially when it is something he really struggles with. So in those cases, it is better not to start playing it at all unless you have a couple of hours of free time ahead of you.

[LancsLad]

As the post has gone off track a little I have started a new one in the general discussion forum.

[darkshine]

I never thought about the ability to save or finish a game. Interesting that. It is something that is relevent because nobody likes to leave a game half way through. And I presume that whereas I might have a good ideas as to whether I have enough time to complete a game before I have to do x, y or z - I know my son cannot do that. And I don't think it is fair on him to expect him to leave things unfinished, especially when it is something he really struggles with. So in those cases, it is better not to start playing it at all unless you have a couple of hours of free time ahead of you.

I guess it depends on the game - but some are very hard to have a clear idea about time and stages where it can be paused or saved.

 

Even years ago I can remember my brother throwing sort of tantrums because he was asked to turn a computer game off (approx 15 years plus ago - he would have been in his early twenties, but he did it when he was younger too) - as to why he found it so difficult to do that: maybe the games were addictive, maybe cuz it's an enjoyable activity and other tasks are less rewarding or interesting... dunno. Maybe its because the people asking him to turn it off didn't understand the attraction (I know they definitely did not understand the attractive-ness of computer games) so they wouldn't have understood the point to the games or the need to play them when the sun was shining or the news was coming on I just remember him forever asking for more time, and getting very irate when pushed to turn it off before he was ready - including destroying a few games and consoles

Edited March 4, 2012 by darkshine