failed at everything.

[zed]

hello. i've literally failed at everything. i've wasted 3 years of university and god knows how much on tutitions fees, i dare not look. i cannot tell you how depressing it is to waste all that time and not even come away with a single friend either. i was tested at university for dyslexia because i am so slow but that didnt help either because it was my final month of university and i could not imagine going back to university to resit almost every module alone again.

 

i dont think i failed because i was dumb or anything, i think i was just severly depressed because after 3 years in my class i was still all alone. i cannot tell you how hard it is for me to make friends. some days in class everyone was knee deep into conversation while i was sitting there just looking around, and i just walked out, and no-one asked where i was going, they didnt even asked me the next day either where i went.

 

it has been the same moslty throughout most of my life. even through school where i thought everything was okay, but has anyone been ditched by poeple you know? and i dont mean on purpose because they hate you, just because you dont mean a lot. i still have dreams of this happening, i end up trying to search for them everywhere. this bit is confusing but i dont know how else to put it.

 

im 25 and i cant remember ever having a proper conversation, ive seen people do it and i just cant get around it, i dont know how people are able to even make eye contact, i absolutely hate doing it.

 

i want to get a referral but, i've already been to my doctor and he just laughed me off. and even if i did get a referral i just dont see how it could help me.

 

zed.

Edited April 21, 2012 by zed

[JeanneA]

Hi Zed I have just P.M.d. you. I do so feel for you and what you are going through. How awful that your G.P. did not take you seriously, you do need a referral, If I were you I would go to another G.P and see if they are any better and demand to be referred it is your right after all, it doesn't matter what your age is. Good luck and please don't take no for an answer.

[JeanneA]

By the way a referral would help you, lots of adults with problems have had referral later in life, so please be positive and fight for that referral.

[LancsLad]

I agree with Jeanne.

 

I think there are so many important issues here. The first thing I will say is that we learn and with time grow stronger as a result of all our experiences in life both the positive ones and the negative ones.

 

I think we really need to see the university system for what it is a 'service' we hand over our money in a way and they give us the opportunity to take away a piece of paper. These pieces of paper might have meaning if we can translate them into life opportunities, if we are unable then it is a very expensive piece of paper. This is the reality of the higher education system at a basic level.

 

I have a real concern that the default position for large sections of our society is to feed our young people into this system without any real thought about the consequences. I think it could also be seen as a delaying tactic, a safe haven, for individuals who might be intelligent but have so many issues in their lives that university should be lower down the prioroty list. Instead we push them in like a sausage machine they run up their debts, possibly are unable to give this one shot their most focused effort because of a multitude of side issues and as a result fail to reach their potential and are left disolusioned and frustrated.

 

Zed this leaves me very angry, but I do not blame you at all mate. I blame the system and the people who blindly follow its values which over my years have become more and more commercially driven.

 

Zed recently as a mature student between the ages of 39 and 45 I spent 6 years in the system in two settings. Firstly you are not the only one who is in this position and feels this was a lot of students will be experiencing similar issues and have the same very appropriate feelings about thier time in these places. There are so many things you will learn from this experience but you are far too close to it at present for those lessons to start to sink in. I left a recent masters course feeling agreived, battered and torn but knew this was not an appropriate reaction in the long run but a valid one in the short term. It took me a year to become de-institutionalised and return to 'normal' living.

 

I think your first priority is very much to see if there are underlying issues here or not. I will say as someone with AS and a multitude of other elments in my life (see personal profile) there is no shame in potential having these issues and seeking a valid and informed opinion on such matters shows maturity and self reflection. It is a pitty your GP might not see it this way, they should so I agree with Jeanne. If there are underlying conditions then it will take time for them to be recognised and diagnosed so do not expect miracles on that one. In the meantime you need to look after yourself and that is about creating stability in your life.

 

The end of university throws up so many questions regarding what next. Where do I live, what do I do, how do I support myself etc... In my experience behind student services there are some very good people who will be close to you in respect to age, know the area well and have dealt with a multitude of similar people. I am pretty sure they will not be the patronising individual your GP appears to be, but realise yours is an emotive position. I would get as much out of student services while you can, and they are often able to help up to a year after you finishing your course. If you do not ask for help they will not know you are in need so go see them.

 

In respect to your course Zed I would contact your tutor or any student services related to learning related issues, there will be a small department somewhere. Your diagnosis for Dyslexia shows you had needs throughout your course which where not met. I will say well done for getting so far in the system without a diagnosis is a very big achievement in its own right in my eyes and many other peoples. I can nor say for sure but this might be a case of mitigating circumstances and being allowed to resit the final year. In no way am I saying this could be next year but could for example be in a few years time and some of it could be from home for example, I am not sure. What I do know is univesities have targets for conversion rates and it is not in their interests to have students not achieve a degree after taking thier fees for three years. So please try and keep your options open but that will mean talking to someone.

 

At the end of the day this is about taking it one step at a time. It is difficult but try to keep moving forwards. I would make a list of the issues you are facing and then put them in some sort of priority and write down how you might move forwards with each one. Then work through it step by step. The first thing might be finding someone to help you with the list in the first place.

 

You have my best wishes, you are not alone in this, but that doesn't help you. What might help is if people took a step backwards and started to look at what is happening in our higher education system and realise there are massive issues developing.

[darkshine]

Hi Zed,

 

I agree with both Jeanne and LancsLad's comments.

 

I was "ditched" constantly throughout school - sometimes I knew why - other times I guessed - the rest of the time I didn't have a clue.

 

I don't like eye-contact either.

 

I do have a few friends - I think anyway they are almost all long distance so email etc - but when I do see them I always do activities with them where we can sit side-by-side and talk - it takes that whole eye contact element away.

 

I'm 31 and I got diagnosed with AS a little over a year ago - it makes you think - it also made me laugh because It's only this past few months that I realised that I'd been doing so much side-by-side stuff with people and effectively avoided the face-to face stuff without even knowing that I'd been doing it....

 

Hope things improve for you

 

Best

 

Darkshine

Edited April 22, 2012 by darkshine