nearly diagnosed with aspergers!

[mingocat]

hi. im new to all this so please bear with me. my son is 14. and 3 professionals have agreed he aspergers. do we now receive somethin in writing to state this? and then what happens? he has an appointment soon for camhs which he is adamant he is not attending. the school have bent over backwards to help him. letting him go in for two hours a day and in a reduced class separate to the other classes but he. can go for weeks without attending.he. is very manipulative and angry at everybody and is very wilful. i am a single parent and he has two younger siblings who he regards as being no relation to him. his father. will not recognise anything is wrong with him. i just don't know how this situation will ever get any better if he won't accept help. he doesn't leave his room. has terrible sleeping and eating patterns. i fear for his future.

[smileyK]

would you say deep down your son is depressed? and struggling on inside to manage/cope with his difficulties alone i can personally relate to your son as been in same situation being bitter/angry at everyone and everything i tried push everyone away as was scared confused lost didn't know which way turn where to go next or what to do for the best! i try to deny everything was wrong or going on! as it mean't admitting there real problem needed sorting addressing/assessing this freaked me out hell of lot knowing this

 

i was same age when i was assessed by C.A.M.H.S for A.S and came out there and then after speaking to 2 professional ladies they both had no doubt what was going on from start of speak to me and my mum it hard process to accept get head around come to grips/terms with isn't easy especially in your teens when knowing your 'different' to your peers friends can isolate you that bit more making you feel even more alone in facing the world head on i found such challenge/mission leave house used sleep all time so tired/drained as feel your fighting the world against you and your life become resentful s feel whole life been messed up turned on its head completely upside down knowing life once told he has AS never be 'same' again

 

i tried running from 'me' - AS hated how made me feel inside felt so trapped and coudln't escape couldn't expalin how felt everything go wrong and go round and round just felt made everything bad/worse

 

so truly understand the place your son is in right now as been there what doesn't help is puberty,hormones makes issues more complicated awakard messy etc i was so frustrated angry being told so late on and trying work out how going pick my life up from the diagnosis and 'just carry on' as normal as if nothing had happened at all such hard thing to ask!

 

XKLX

[justine1]

Hi

 

Yes definatley get it in writing and when he has been to camhs get anything they say in writing to,it really helps when getting any support he may need. I was a single mum with my four boys (2 have ASD) for over three years and although I now have a new partner it does not help in that he is not their dad so he does'nt feel he can discipline the boys and does not help with the day to day stuff,he is more of a friend to my younger 3.It is very hard going. I know very well what you say about his father as my boys' dad will not accept it either.

 

I think given he is missing out on his education by missing school or doing reduced timetable it may be worth trying to get a statement,now would be a good time as he still has a few years left of school if you leave it longer he will give up altogether. Have you sat down and asked what he wants long term as far as goals/careers and also why he does not want to go to school? Maybe you could look at other schools or options for him,look into it first and then talk it over with him. There are ASD units attached to mainstream,which is similar to what his school offer now,in that it has a smaller class size but the difference is the staff will have some knowledge of ASD and how to deal with behaviour and get your son to work positively. There are also specialist schools,which many focus less on academic and more on life skills,these are few and far between and often you would have to go to a tribunal. Lastly there is home education,which would mean de-registering him,it will only work if you and him are well disciplined and structured,that there is a clear line as to when its hi school work hours and "home" hours and what he should do during these hours.

 

Speak to camhs when you go they may also have suggestions or point you in the right direction.

[mingocat]

thank you so much for your reply.it makes so much sense. i know he will always have his ways but just hope that this is a bad teenage phase on top ov it all. i guess all i can do is be there for him although he doesn't want me there or an where near him. its like sometimes you feel like he wants t open up then Summat just switches off and he then turns mouthy and aggressive. as far as he concerned he can just be left alone for the rest ov his life with no interaction with the outside world. its not just him i feel for but my other two children. we can't go anywhere cos we always have t get back for him cos i worry he hasn't eaten etc. i work part time which is gettin harder t keep up cos ov the constant battles over gettin him t school or eating etc. do i stop tryin t make him go to school and just let him sleep his life away? i can't physically take him there. no one seems to have any advice bout the school thing. hes happiest when hes left alone in his room wit his game. do i just leave him to it? as i said before he acknowledges no body and says he hasn't got family and were just all randomers who pretend to be family. he comes out with the strangest ideas. i think him speaking to someone from mental health could be a good thing but i can't get him there

[mingocat]

hi Justine. he has no interest in school whatsoever. all he says is they can't make me go. no one can make me do anything i don't want to. he has no goals for his future years. he just lives for today and its like banging your head against a brick wall tryin to get thru to him. he puts his hands over his ears and shakes his head.

[mingocat]

smiley k i wish i could show him your post! x

[kathywykes]

I am also a single mum and my son is 15 and was diagnosed with aspergers during the easter holiday-it was he who self diagnosed aspergers, but I had to pay for him to be assessed by a clinical psychiatrist- with money i dont have.

he was relieved when the diagnosis was confirmed and we got the report 2 days ago- after waiting for 3 weeks. My son however has refused to go to school since term started and will not come out of his room and gets very angry. however there is a bright side as he has agreed to go in on monday and am waiting for the school SENCO (special education needs coordinator) to get back to us.

I feel overwhelmed at the moment as I am sure you do, but my son is who he always has been, and i am hoping that now we know his diagnosis we can be able to understand and help him more.