Should I stay or should I go?

[Dijac]

Hi,

 

Well Will's trip (from France) to London is tomorrow - and I keep thinking of the song by the Clash - as that is what he says constantly. Should i stay or should I go?

 

He is ,understandably, very scared - yesterday we had a lot of throwing stuff - we had some old tiles in the garden, so I told him to throw them, which seemed to calm him a bit. We've told him it's his choice - I don't want to force him. But I think if he doesn't go he'll regret it, and he feels that too.

 

He was so excited when the trip was announced, and was sort of in a group of friends - even if on the edge, so I thought it would be good for him. But he seems to be further from the dge of the group at the moment, and says they think he's strange.

 

We need to shop today for a few bits - but I told him he needs new socks etc anyway, so it doesn't matter if he goes or not.

 

I think the next 36 hours are going to be a roller coaster for him and us. I let you know if he goes.

 

Diane

[LancsLad]

Diane I think there is a lesson here and that we all get anxious and when we do we let those emotions cloud our judgements.

 

This was something you had planned a long way off in advance. In hindsight at that time it might have been an idea to write down 10 good reasons why I want to go on the London trip. If these had been around for the past month they would have provided prompts on a daily basis. Sure they would not stop the anxiety but they would be a good reference point to go back to.

 

I guess at the end of the day the important thing here is we can not project our own anxiety. I have wrote a bit this week about mirroring emotions and when you project anxiety you will draw that emotion out in Will. You have to 'act' calm, confident and reassured, this is not easy but try your very best.

 

The great thing in life we don't know what's around the corner and that is what makes it exciting at times if unpredictable. There are points in life when we have to ask questions as speculating on possible outcomes is pointless, I think this is the time and place for that. I do not know if the trip will be a success or not but I do know if Will go's you will all learn so much more because of the experience and that in its own should be worth it. There are safeguards in palce, family members are only an hour or two away, have confidence in your planning and above all confidence in your little guy to pull this one off.

 

Best wishes.

[Tally]

I hope Will does make it to London. I like LancsLad's idea Of the list of reasons it will be good. Just the process of writing it might get him into the right frame of mind and it could be a good reminder next time he starts to get angsty.

[Dijac]

It does sound a good idea - when I suggested it to him, I was told to stop asking ****** questions! I just wished I had thought of getting him to make a list when he was in a positive mood.

 

The last he said, he is going - but he has a headache tonight because he is so stressed.

[LancsLad]

Dianne I wish I had thought of it ages ago. Give him his space and I am sure he will be on his way.

 

best wishes.

[trekster]

Sounds like he's had a knock to his confidence, his friends are rejecting him and he's feeling vulnerable as a result.

I'm having major problems with deciding one way or the other what to do. I can't see the negatives or the positives for doing it either way. Has he been to France before and had a good experience? Has anything been good about holidays you have encountered before? How well does he travel long distance? The coach would be 13 hours (if it's Disneyland Paris). The predictability that he has at home would be less there.

[justine1]

Hi

 

Its not exactly the same but...Sam had a trip in Feb where he was going to sleep there for two nights. Prior to this he has only ever slept over at my brother's house which has been just twice in the whole 8 years of his life. He was very excited leading up to the trip then deided a two days before that he did not want to go,nothing would change his mind. I think part of the reason was because I was due to give birth and he did not want to miss out on welcoming his new sister. I told him that even if she was born I would not come home straight away,so by the time she did come he would be back. He was also worried about time like he goes to bed at 8pm and was worried they would go too early or too late. Luckily his school gave an iteneray,the ASD children got one with pictures for each activity,this really helped as he could see what he was doing and got excited. He was also told who he would share the bunk bed with and as it was his best friend he was more relaxed.

 

He came back and still moaned about the food and the bedtime(which was later than usual) but all in all had a great time.His sister ended up being born on the same day he left and we came home immediatley. He was so happy to come home to the surprise. My only advice is not to put to much pressure on him but just remind him of what he will miss out on,also say how proud you are that he is going on his trip. If he has siblings maybe they can also emphasise on how much fun he will have.

[Dijac]

Hi,

 

Trekster - we actually live in France, and his trip is to London - He has been to England many times (Basingstoke and Tavistock) to visit family, but to London only once. Since he is totally bi-lingual he has no problem with the language, so has that advantage over his classmates. His teacher has given him a role as translator for his friends - he usually loves a 'role'..

 

So far today, he says he is going - bag is almost packed, then I am tryign not to mention it - It is a pain they are leaving at midnight, so he will be over excited and overtired by then. It will about a 7-8 hour drive to Calais - I am hoping he'll sleep most of that - his risperdal does help him sleep, and I will give him some calming homeopathic meds too. A lot of his worry is the journey - he gets travel sick (his teacher is aware of this). So I am hoping if he sleeps and wakes up just about at Calais, he'll feel the worst of the journey is almost over and will relax.

 

He is also worried about using the bathroom etc too - but at 12 I am hoping he can get through that - and if he doesn't wash all week, then it's not the end of the world.

 

He has hardly ever in his 12 years slept away from us. For today, I am just lettign him have extra time on the computer - takes his mind off it.

 

I'll let you know tomorrow.

 

Diane

[trekster]

Sorry dyslexic brain misread your post. Sorry for the spanish inquisition

 

Your son reminds me of myself I also have to have a role even on holiday. Does he enjoy translating French to English? Is part of the problem that he is expected to know the English translation instantly?

 

Is he allowed to sit in the front due to his travel sickness? Both on the coach and in the car. Looking along the horizon helps sometimes as side windows can increase the risk of travel sickness. I've got less travel sick since I became a driver. Do you have something with ginger in it to give him to help with the nausea? Can you get seabands in France. http://www.sea-band.com/ the work by pressing on the acupressure point in the wrist preventing nausea. Have you packed some of his favourite things to help comfort him whilst he's away? Could homesickness be an issue? Does he have a timetable of when he will be there and coming back from the school or are they being very flexible?

 

Hope he manages to make up his mind and enjoys his trip if he does go.