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eldest asd lad looking for new job where he is going to be worse off

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Hello everyone, Sarni here,


I am having problems with both the little one, our k and now our eldest D, D is 21 years old. My main question is at the end of this post, sorry if this post is a bit long.


D has gone for a job interview today, but its for a stock room assistant position in a new shoe shop where there will be fewer people working closely together. He has worked for sainsburys (resources for autism helped get him this job at sainsburys).


He has been doing ok and getting on and has managed really well and i am very proud of him. He does not work too closely with people and does as he is told by his boss. D has been there for 3 years and has now told us in his words


" i am so good at my job that i have become lazy". "I want to move on where there is more opportunity to do something else but i cannot manage being a team leader.".


I asked D why does he want to leave sainsburys, he says, they won't change his hours. There is no room for me to do anything else, i said have you asked, he says no and anyway he can't learn about cooking in the hot deli section AS I HAVE NOT TAUGHT HIM HOW TO COOK AT HOME.



It was at this point of the conversation that i wanted to scream at him, I said to D, they have different rules and hygiene and health and safety standards and they will teach you. Do you want to move onto another section, no he says.


Why do you want to go and sell shoes ?," because its longer hours and i get a bit more money and i am doing the same job", (this is the same type of job that he is currently unhappy in and he says its too easy !!!! yet his boss has said on one occasion otherwise ). D says he will miss his friends at sainsburys.


(currently D works on produce and stock takes and the job he is applying for is a full time stock room assistant) He will be selling shoes aswell. This may all come to nothing but it appears to be a xxxx job as only thirty people applied, i said to D are you sure it was for the job in total and not 30 people interviewed today ?. No only thirty people applied for the job and it was a group interview and only six people turned up. I said to D " What does that tell you about the job then". D said I believe this shoe company they are a good company and they gave us exercises and tasks to do. I told D, they are hardly going to tell you they are horrible to work for.


My question is this, do i get involved ?. D may get another interview or it may come to nothing, do i have a chat with the HR manager as they know about his condition or wait. D does not know when he is well off and this new job, if he gets it is longer hours (which he moans about now even) and the more money he is talking about is a 30pence per hour a bit more than what he is getting now. Don't think he has thought this through and i am very concerned he is leaving a good job with more opportunities and going into a worse job that is restricted socially aswell . Sainsburys have been very good to him. I really think it would be foolish for him to leave now.


How do i handle this, has anyone had this type of situation, can anyone please give advise. Please help,


Really worried for him.


with best wishes



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Hi Sarni, my gut reaction would be that he is 21 and as such you need to let him make his own mistakes in life if that's what this turns out to be.


I then though for a bit and my advice would be to try and get him to ask for, or ask yourself if you feel that way inclinded, a reference from Sainsburys which should if done properly outline his strengths and importantly weaknesses.


I can remeber writing a reference for a member of my department once who was going for a promotion and I honestly didn't think at that time this individual had the skills to go for that particular job. I felt it was only fair to sit down with them go through the reference so that they were fully aware of my opinion and what would have been read by the interview pannel they were facing. I think they were a bit shocked at first but respected what I had said. They went for the job and didn't get it. I then sat down with them and said that they obviously had ambitions to go for a promotion as such I felt it was right that I tried to develop opportunities for them in my own department to develop the skills which would put them in a better position next time around.


I know the levels of jobs I am talking about here are not comparable, but I feel the thought process is. I can understand why after a time someone might become frustrated in their job and think the grass is greener on the other side. I think there is responsibility from an employer as large as Sainsburys to have staff development on the agenda of all their employees. But this has to be backed up with a level of honesty and an understanding about resources and time available for training. Asking for the reference might act as a bit of a starting point I am not too sure but it might be worth a try.


Just a few thoughts.

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All you can realy do is point out the good and bad of both jobs and leave him to make his own decision.


If you try to influence him whichever way and it goes wrong it will be your fault. It will be your fault anyway if it doesn't work out.


My stepson ended up working on the deli counter at our local coop, and he had no idea how to cook. He wasn't particularly good at the job, but he was willing to do all the horrible shifts and always turned up on time. After 3 years he left first to become a care worker in an old people's home which was a disaster, then he become a bus driver which he has now been doing for 5 years and loves it.

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i've a friend who has worked in the same store for many years and is also frustrated. Your son i think is annoyed at the situation not you in general. i dont understand their reluctance to change his hours but i do wonder if they are taking advantage of him (as i do about my friend). JMHO

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