Son being discharged from hospital soon

[Mandapanda]

Hi

 

It's 4 in the morning and I can't stop crying.

 

When I see my son at hospital he talks really nicely about things. He says all the right things and I think "it's going to be OK", but when he's home he's just flatly refusing to do things again.

 

He wouldn't go for a walk last night, and he wanted to eat dinner on his own. His new phrase is "it's not mental illness to want to ...."

 

He's agreed to go and look at 2 colleges, but I don't think there's any chance he will, and I don't believe there's any chance he will actually be a student there.

 

The hospital don't see any of the anxiety because the greater anxiety is being in hospital so he's doing whatever is necessary to get out. They say he couldn't do that, but he is!

 

My husband is stressed about his job. He really hates being on call, he would never have taken a job on call but has been forced into doing it. He's off with a bad back at the moment, but I can see he really does not want to go back. My hours are changing at work so I won't have one free day int he week and will mostly be working without any other admin in the building so I think it's going to be quite lonely and hard work.

 

Our eldest has just finished college and is in a really good mood. It's all going to get spoilt by us getting depressed about Aw's behaviour, or major arguments as we 'try' to get him to do things he doesn't want to do.

 

I expressed my concerns at the CPA but they just think I'm worrying because of how he was before. They don't see the real him so think he's 'snapped out of it'. I just don't know what to do.

[LancsLad]

Hi,

 

Mandapanda I can remember myself and Darkshine talking about the cycle of what I describe as 'games' we play in this type of scenario. We get to points where there is a desire on our parts to get out of these establishments and so can often become very compliant in delivering what we think is being looked for simply to get out from under the control of others. When we do get out from these hospital units some of those thought patterns can stick. We have said we are fine and they let us out, we might even start to believe it ourself.

 

AW might well be playing those games, and he might come out and feel he has won for a bit and things might be very difficult again. It might be the case that things break down all over again, or are doing so right now and so the battles will begin in trying to get him to seek help and it is possible he will be back in the same place in some respects. In many other respects however he will be one step closer to his recovery even though that step might be downwards at first.

 

These things are not easy and for some of us, speaking from experience, we have to hit rock bottom before we can move up again. I look back and think to myself 'I guess it was always going to be like that'. Thats a sad thought because it meant it was always going to be like that for my family and partner as well, there was possibly nothing they could have done to prevent what happened.

 

My advice is let him find his level, if he can't find it in himself to go out for a walk for example leve him alone. he has to understand where he is at. if you try to artificially raise his level all he will do is say things like I am going to look at a college when he has no intention of doing so yet. This might make you feel better but you know its a lie. We all have to have a reality check and that means becoming aware of where we are at in our lives. AW might think great I have my bedroom back, but do I have the life I want, that is for him to decide it is part of his growing up process. In his own time he may well come to the conclusion I bullshitted my way through part of what was supposed to be a recovery proceess, it didn't work. Next time it might be a good idea if I am more honest about myself and possibly those around me.

 

My last point it is easy to try and transpose expectations onto individuals, but I ask the question of people reading this post and might have followed the developments, what would you do in AW's shoes. At his age I for one would have been very scared and would have felt what games to I need to play to get out of this situation. His reaction does not surprise me, rather I suspect he has probably achieved a lot in the past month or so, the experience will be an important feature of his life for many years to come, sometime in life we need time to learn lessons, my advice is give him a bit of time.

 

Best wishes.

[Sally44]

I know how you are feeling.

 

But you also know how the systems are. All you can do is put your concerns in writing, stating that you do not think he has recovered or changed at all. Could you push for some counselling, or day appointments and IF he does not attend them that will invoke a further investigation into whether he needs hospitalisation. I know it is a real fight to stop being discharged from services, but try everything you can to keep him involved with them for some weeks afer he leaves hospital, if that is possible.

 

ClinPsych have tried to discharge my son. I have written saying why he should not be. And school is also backing that up by phoning the ClinPsych.

 

I've been to the GP today about 'stress and anxiety', and he's told me to take more of the tablets I already take, given me a contact for counselling, and said to come back in two weeks if no better. I told he GP, it is not that I am 'ill' because of nothing. I am ill because of the constant stress and anxiety. And I know what would help and what the answers would be, but there is nothing out there. I am seeking respite, but am expecting to be turned down. The SW has said to get a solicitor involved! Which I can't afford, so that means I'll have to do it.

 

So I know the huge pressures that are there, and sometimes when you get some relief [like your son going into hospital], the thought of returning to what you had to deal with before is unbearable.

 

So do all you can. You can't do more than that. And if he does quickly return to his old ways, you'll have to involve them again.

 

Have you spoken to the MIND organisation for any advice on how you might move forward. I imagine that it is even harder getting any services now that he is considered an adult?? But according to the SW, by law, they have to assess children and carers. So if he is still considered a child, then childrens' services should assess him, and if he is considered an adult adult services assess. Again, get your request put in writing and give them a timescale within which they reply. BY LAW they now have to assess. And also request a carers assessment.

 

The government is saying that they will make changes and that services, including social services, will be responsible for children/adults up to age 25. If you are assessed and he social worker says you need support/help and/or respite, but they cannot fund it. Then you have to fight that, and get your MP involved. Because what he government is saying will happen can only happen if they fund it - and that is the major problem. SS agree we need respite and are in crisis, but they don't have funding. But it is worth getting to that stage, to get the SW report that proves need, so that you can start complaining to your MP.

[darkshine]

LancsLad has pretty much said everything I would have so in light of that I am opting to answer this...

 

My last point it is easy to try and transpose expectations onto individuals, but I ask the question of people reading this post and might have followed the developments, what would you do in AW's shoes. At his age I for one would have been very scared and would have felt what games to I need to play to get out of this situation. His reaction does not surprise me, rather I suspect he has probably achieved a lot in the past month or so, the experience will be an important feature of his life for many years to come, sometime in life we need time to learn lessons, my advice is give him a bit of time.

 

I'd be scared of the future, of leaving childhood behind and stepping into a massive world of the unknown, and for a time I would fight it.

 

............................................

 

 

All his battles are with you it seems, battles for control, for independence, for rights - and it's a stupid battle maybe, but I think it's part of what a lot of people go through... and all the time he has his family there waiting to do battle with him, so he's got plenty of stuff to use his energy fighting against.

 

I'd be in no mood to battle over every little thing for the next however long... so how do you avoid the battles? Maybe he has to hit rock bottom, I don't know. Maybe this is just a teenage phase, dunno. so how would I deal with it? Fight all the time? Well that sounds like it would be a hard battle and I sense it would give him exactly what he wants because sometimes it is fun having battles with someone - it's stimulating, it teaches us things, and I bet he can be stubborn as hell.

 

Or, you could ignore it all and see if it all spirals again (which it probably will).

 

Or you could refuse to fight, you could tell him you aren't going to, you could matter of factly say it is his choice - but if he gets how he was before then he goes back to the hospital - that's the choice. What can totally throw a person is when the person they have been battling, refuses to do battle with clear consequences if certain things happen, by doing that you throw the ball firmly in his court, he can decide, but you have rules and there will be consequences if he breaks them.

 

Personally I would probably take the hard line. Because whenever I've engaged in such battles it just turns into a living hell.

 

2 examples.

 

When I had the boy I looked after turn up on my doorstep again at about 16 years old and it turned into a stupid situation where he sat in his room playing computer games or watching tv and the soft line of nagging is a total waste of effort cuz it meant he wasn't ever having to think for himself.

 

So I picked my battles, if I really wanted him to come share meals then I would deny access or lock all the cupboards and fridge and make a rule that if everyone isn't at the table when required, then they don't eat. I actually did not have to lock them, I have a rule of iron when I want and would just guard the kitchen if necessary.

 

I also found that not making a big deal of things helped - so when he came down for tea I just acted like I would with anyone else - if he was surly or disrespectful or overly awkward he'd get told to pack it in or go back to his room. He quite quickly just started meekly coming down for tea, I didn't praise him, I just acted like he was behaving normally, I asked him sociable questions if he seemed to be in the mood to talk, if he grunted and closed off I left him to eat in peace.

 

I took all the technology out of his bedroom - all of it - I didn't even leave a tv or a handheld console, if he wanted to watch tv or play a game he had to come downstairs.

 

When he wanted money he had to do something for it, a chore or a task.

 

If I wanted him to go out he did, because if he didn't I would make life hell, and if he didn't come back on time there was another sanction (within reason).

 

It was kinda working until he stole a load of stuff and I had had enough so evicted him and even then I setup a place for him to go - he repaid my help by slashing the main feed pipe for my housemates pond risking around 40 fish and causing me to have to figure out how to fix it.

 

 

Then I had it all happen again with an older lad - that was harder because in turning it into a battle of wits, we wasted all our energy on fighting each other. And again, he didn't have to think for himself - it was kinda hard to be all parental when he was only 5 or 6 years younger than me.

 

Almost a couple of years ago I got sick of constantly trying to support and make this young man's life easy or right or better and I said that it was his choice (he's a fair bit older than the other lad so the terms differ of course) but I said it was his choice, but if he didn't work, and if he didn't pay his way, then he would have to leave.

 

Prior to that it was a constant input trying to get him to work, to keep going, to not quit, to not skive off, or lie, to encourage him and prompt him and blah blah blah...

 

So I made my terms, we agreed as a household - Then I sat back and did absolutely nothing. It was his choice. But there were targets he had to achieve (i.e. rent payments and working) and if they are missed then my original statement stands (we set up terms and conditions for fairness). This is still in place now and I make sure he knows it.

 

I also don't make a massive deal out of it now - I show little interest in his job, it's something people have to do - so I'm like "yeah, you work, that's good, you can still stay here then".

 

My point is, by refusing to fight, by making a hard and fast rule with a consequence, both these lads had to think for themselves, they both had problems with depression, and a whole multitude of other issues, some of them quite big, and yes they both reached rock bottom at some point, but I never did win when I just tried fighting with them on everything.

 

 

In this case Aw has a very clear consequence, if he goes downhill then he goes back to hospital. That is something he should think about, to be aware of whether he does have mental health difficulties. When he's older it will be his battle and he needs to know that.

 

I see no use nagging him so he can triumphantly turn round and say "not eating with you isn;t a sign of MH probs" - I wouldn't give him that option at all - he's getting old enough to start having some self-awareness.

 

I would also consider whether there were ways to support him or track his progress to help with this awareness, but that depends on what works for him, maybe having a plan could help, but he has to want one, and he has to want your help...

 

And that's where Sally's points are good ones, because it seems like he should be getting extra support - but again - he has to be willing to engage with the support and there's not much point in forcing someone to the point of massive arguments cuz then it turns into another battle.

 

At the moment you are doing the fighting and he's being submissive and dismissive - if you remove that fight he will have to decide what to do next - it really is his choice whether he complies - but I kept the rules clear and certain and I didn't create too many of them, I picked the ones that really mattered and that was eating, going out and not sitting rotting in a bedroom. If you can get them to eat, come out of their room, and do stuff, then you can always look again at other stuff once the first stuff is set in place (like a few months down the line if all goes smoothly).

 

I also wouldn't continually threaten him with hospital - but I would make it clear that if he doesn't want to go back then he would have to prove that he doesn't need to go back.

 

I care a great deal about the 2 lads I mention, but I did them no favours by trying to be their warden - they just resented that - when I put the ball in their court they did respond - and I did better the next time around because I learned a lot from the first times - and by thinking how I would react - it helped me think of what things were important, what battles were worth it.

 

I also didn't accept attitude from them - but maybe the AS side of me helps with being so goddamn stubborn and also with being so goddamn weird.

 

You see, where I made my first mistakes is that I just didn't want the confrontation or the hassle - but with fair and reasonable rules and only a few - it meant that I didn't have to fight everything - I was winning on what mattered and because there was only a few rules, they were easier to enforce.

 

Hope this helps - just another take on it from someone who has wasted far too much energy messing around trying to fix people who really had to make that choice for themselves - as a result I have less patience for messing around. Life is too short to be trying to run someone else's life because certain things are just the way things have to be, we have to eat, go out, and not sit in one room - they are minimal expectations that everyone has to be expected to cope with.

[JeanneA]

I do feel for you Mandy, when is your son discharged? It is sad when no one is listening to you they all seem to think your son is going to be ok now whereas you having major concerns, they don't see what he is like at home.

 

You might think this is strange but have you thought about setting up a video camera say in your living room to try and catch your son when he's doing and saying all these things to you? We did a few years back when Glen's behaviour was extremely bad. We showed the video footage to various professionals and they were quite shocked to say the least. I think in our case this was very worth while and did help.

[darkshine]

I think that's a good idea Jeanne, if all else fails good old fashioned hard evidence might make people sit up and take notice

 

I was pretty harsh in my reply, but I stand by what I said, because these situations are never clear cut and simple and one thing that is rubbish about the systems that are supposed to help is that they tend to do one thing at a time when some people need several things to happen at once as part of a program.

[Mandapanda]

Hi everyone

 

I went to the docs later that day as I didn't want to lose it completely.

 

Thanks so much for all your posts. You've all given me a lot to think about.

 

LancsLad: I do remember you talking about the 'games' and their stages, I have been looking out for them - though we haven't yet got past the "i'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me, see I can do whatever the hospital ask of me" one yet!

 

Jeanne: good idea about videoing him, but we'd have to hide the camera really well so 'hawkeye' wouldn't spot it!

 

Sally: CAMHS have asked the hospital to refer us to Soc Serv as they say they don't get any response from them

 

Darkshine: You've made some very very good points about handing the responsibility back. I do feel the stay in hospital is going to help me do this, as I've seen that he is strong enough to cope with everything that's happened so far.

 

We had a meeting at the hospital Friday pm, and his nurse came up with a rigid timetable for the weekend. This has worked pretty well. He has to spend certain amounts of time in 'communal areas', and going out for activities, walks etc. He has set 'room time' when he can be in his room, on the PC or reading or whatever.

 

We went tenpin bowling yesterday. Aw gave up about 2 turns before the end of the first game and wanted us to stop and all go home, which was frustrating. However he sat and waited whilst we finished the first game and while we had a second game. He then agreed to have something to eat (I think he knew he had to salvage the situation somehow). He had chicken nuggets and chips. He then suggested playing Dad at pool "even though I don't want to play pool". It was amazing watching him. He's been playing another lad in hospital, and it was brilliant watching him being focussed and purposeful. And he won, just!

 

Today we went to the Living Rainforest and, despite afterwards saying it was boring, he was going around pointing out the creatures to Dad and appearing to show interest in things.

 

Obviously he's doing all this because he's been told they may review the discharge plan, however Dad said "We want you to continue doing this when you come home properly" and he said "I suppose I HAVE to", which sounds promising.

 

We talked about having one of his (old) friends round. He was uncertain, but Mj then suggested that he (Mj) invite one of them round so Aw can see them again without the pressure being on him to spend time with them, which I think is a really good idea. One of them is currently going to the college Aw may go to, so it would be good for him to know somebody there.

 

The hospital have explained that he didn't want to do things to start with there, but with encouragement and firmness, he has started to actually enjoy some of it.

 

He was playing Jenga with a girl on Friday

 

So it is probably partly habit the way he is at home and we need to break that habit at home. I know we should realise these things, but we've struggled for so long and been in such a state we need them spelled out to us.

 

Thanks so much for all your support.

[darkshine]

Hi Manda, I've been worried that you would think I was being really harsh - but I learned a lot from those lads I helped and being firm does have advantages... also I was using myself as an example, what LancsLad said, it made me think about what I would need, and guidance, fixed rules and a bit of responsibility are key I think at Aw's age (and older lol).

 

From what you've just said, there's been some really good things happening - you shouldn't be hard on yourself though - we are all human - we don't always see things clearly - sometimes we need people to point stuff out - and that's alright I think.

 

I think this time away from home could be the thing you all needed to rejuggle a bunch of stuff and try a new way - it's all too easy to get stuck into patterns of behaviour - that second lad I told you about - it took over 4 and a half years before I put my foot down - it was way too long - but I learned from it - it's balance that is key as well - cuz even when he makes mistakes now, we might have a massive argument about it as a household, but after that we draw a line, and we move on, no grudges, no ongoing feuds, they don't exist in our house at all, and although we are far from perfect, we kinda get along alright most of the time - in fact that is exactly the problem - waifs and strays see the harmony and want it

[LancsLad]

Manadapanda just want to say based on my experience as a foster carer you have made one very important and critical decision so far, "I went to the docs later that day". In my experience you have to look after yourself first so you are in a position to help others. I also think your post shows that you are working as a team which is so important.

 

We can't push all the time and as such their is no point in two people going full guns at a problem for both of them to become exhausted. There is not going to be a quick and easy solution in this , rather AW needs to find a way and with the right support and encouragement you can help get him to a better palce. A lot of this is about pacing yourselves and by setting out your own boundaries as a team and sticking to them in a consistent way. By doing so you will be creating some space in which you can all breathe. In my experience there needs to be a lot of communication between you and your partner in working out roles and sharing the responsibility for keeping constant, but appropriate pressure on AW to make the changes he needs to do in his life.

 

When we were fostering and times where hard it was important that me and my partner at the end of each and every day sat down for just 10 minutes and said what has gone well today what positives can we find. The answer is you will always find something positive to draw upon if you look for it and you need to pat each other on the back at times and give each other a hug at others. There are great rewards to be found in helping young people get through difficult periods of their lives and in overcoming the obstacles in their way. With great rewards often comes a fair price which we have to pay, its how life works a lot of the time.

 

Best wishes and keep your heads up, you can do this thing together as a family, looks like you are doing allright from what I can see so far!

[Sally44]

If CAHMS have said the hospital have tried to contact SS and they are not responding to them, I would write a letter to CAHMS along those lines. Eg. "further to our telephone conversation you told me that the hospital have attempted to contact SS several times, and that SS have not returned their calls. Could you also please contact SS and ask them to come and carry out a Core Assessment of my son, and also for them to carry out a Carers Assessment for me."

 

Just send that letter and see what response you get. CAHMS should arrange for the CAF to be carried out, and SS must assess, and also must assess carers when they ask to be assessed.

 

Once you have that letter in writing. And give them a timescale within which to respond. If they don't respond lodge a formal complaint with your local authority [because SS are employed by the LA]. The LA complaint system should ensure that the assessment process is started. And you really need this to happen because he may not be independent as an adult due to these mental health issues, and he needs to be on the NHS and SS radar.

 

Anyway, once SS have assessed, they must write a report and send that to Panel to seek funding. It may well be turned down. But them you can involve your MP - and as I am in this process myself, I may have found some other way of challenging the decision not to fund respite etc. But there are also Direct Payments, which must be offered to parents too.

 

Anyway, just getting that SS report is something you will have to use to seek support either from SS or elsewhere. And by going through the process you are known to the 'system', rather than being invisible to it. So it makes it much easier for you to complain, and for them to be negligent - which obviously they don't want to be.

[Sally44]

I also wanted to agree about the filming of your son.

I bought a digital camera that had a video facility, and I included film evidence as part of my appeal to SEND. I think it is very powerful to see what we are dealing with. When you just talk about it I often think that people either don't think it is happening to that extent, or that you are exaggerating. But when they see it themselves, they are shocked.

[Mandapanda]

Hi all

 

Well things are much calmer here. At Family Therapy Aw asked to speak to us alone first. He said having the rigid timetable made him miserable. He knows he has to do certain things and is prepared to do them but without being given a specific time for them. We agreed to be more flexible with the timetable. He was also sad because he knows he will never see a boy he'd got friendly with who has now been discharged.

 

He came home Weds eve and stayed all day yesterday as it was his 16th birthday. Consultant Psych wasn't thrilled about me keeping him off 'school' but the head tutor agreed. We didn't actually have a timetable but it was really quite good. He didn't even want to spend all the time on the computer. He ate with us, watched DVDs and programmes with us, went for walks with me. We even went to the supermarket on the way home Weds eve to get a birthday cake - it's years since he's been in there! He chose a chocolate cake - he's only been eating completely plain madeira sponge for the past two years. I got some balloons and some number candles. The candles were a mistake - they had glitter on which went on the cake. He moaned about it, took the candles off and asked if they were edible. At one time he wouldn't have eaten any of the cake at all, but he still had some just disposing of the bits that had glitter on. It was lovely to see him have proper cake on his birthday.

 

He seems like a great weight has been lifted off his shoulders, he seems happier and more confident. I am beginning to hope he's not just doing things to get out of hospital, but because he's actually got used to doing things and is starting to enjoy them (though he would NEVER admit that!). They did archery with the hospital school this week and he came second in the competition (he idolises Legolas He was beaten by a girl and took some jokes from Dad about that in good spirit - Aw said she had a 'lucky shot' which doubled her score - and laughed when I pointed out he doesn't believe in luck

 

Next weekend we're going up to the Royal Society (Science) for their Summer Exhibition, it better be really good, they better not let him down!

 

He's going to be home every night in the week from now on - two weeks to go before discharge. Let's hope things continue like this.

 

I can't thank you all enough for your support. It has really helped.

 

.

[LancsLad]

Mandapanda I want to highlight how important routine is in creating mental stability.

 

When I was inside a secure unit the first few days were hell simply because I hated the routine, everything was so boring and on time, we did this then we did that, then we had a break then we did this, on and on and on. But you know what it helps, it helps a lot. After a bit I started to get back into the swing of things, having once been a teacher might have also had a role, but I could sense that I would hear footsteps in a few seconds and they would come and there would be a call and I would stop drawing for example in my rrom and go for tea and toast quite happy to put my sketchbook down. The tea and the toast were always disgusting but I liked 11:00 and at 11:20 I would be back into my drawing.

 

Many years on I still like a tea at 11:00 and will sense the time coming on, even if i am out on my bike for example. I think the point here is try and get AW to substitute his own elements into his life which he might feel are more appropriate. I do not take any medication, it's a personal choice, but I know I need to have a lot of routine built into my life as a drug of choice. Simply be very wary of letting things slip backwards by allowing AW too much fexibility. This will be hard work because it will involve modifying your own lives around him to some extent. The thing about 11:00 wasn't the tea nor was it the toast, it was the fact it was the routine for 'all of us' the nurses as well, it was a time to get together at a human level and that was very reasurring. Todaywhen I am alone in the house and have my 11:00 cup of tea I will turn on the news and watch another human live, call the dog and give him a biscuit because it is part of the routine experience. Of course the nurses had lots of other things to get on with in their busy days but for 20 minutes they made a real effort and it was good to know i was not alone.

 

Routine is important, but so is the nature of the routines you put in place. Personally I would sit down an write a home routine with him something he know will be there in that might be a 20 minute walk with you each day, if he is anything like me those things would mean a lot. You never know it might be a habit which is still in place 40 years from now as you support each other in whatever issues are important at the time, now that's a nice thought to end on.

 

best wishes.

[darkshine]

I struggle with routine, a lot, yet at the same time I do have one, every day when I get up I do the same thing (unless my family visit or I have an appointment), I get up at 10:00 (this was and is a battle as it was 11 a month ago but I've moved it back) if I'm home alone I make a cuppa and a milkshake (if someone's home they make it before they nudge me) and I sit here on the forum for an hour or I mess around with email or stuff of interest and then come on the forum. I like the hour to myself to start the day.

 

There's other routines and my days don't differ all that much, so when I have to do certain things, like go out, or do my share of housework or an appointment or something, I really find it hard to not freak out if it interferes with my routines - but I try to not freak out and try to be cooperative (which does require an internal fight for a bit).

 

I have to be prompted a fair bit about doing things (like eating) and some days I find it annoying and respond with something shirty because I don't like being controlled - but then I have to admit that my rigid structures of the day are also me being controlled by the stuff in my head - so I try to work with that too.

 

I think a balance is good - some routines, like eating are easier to be a little more fixed. Others are fine with flexibility so long as there's still some time scale, so for example: tidying... I hate tidying with a passion... if as a house we agree that I will do something and they say you gotta do it by Tuesday, I won't do it til 10pm on Sunday night most times as I sit and think "there's still time" - I don't think this method is the best one - but I work with it by agreeing on shorter time scales so I'll say "No, I'll do it by Sunday" to try and work round myself

 

Basically I think some routines should be fixed (with maybe a little leeway of a hour or so if necessary) and others should be a bit more lax - but still with a reasonable time scale. And as much as I hate having to learn routines - and I really do because I think mine are ok - I know in my heart they aren't healthy so I have to compromise - and after so long I do get used to the new ones - takes a month at least!!

 

Anyway, enough on routines....

 

I am glad that things look positive, and that Aw is interacting with you all more and trying to do things he hasn't done - like go in a supermarket, have chocolate cake and put up with glitter. I'm also glad he's doing the family therapy as that's a good idea to get everyone more on the same page, it's gotta be better to understand each other. It is good that he seems to have "a weight lifted from his shoulders" and I hope that this provides a platform of stability for him.

 

Hope you guys have fun next weekend

[oxgirl]

Fantastic news, Mandapanda,

I think it's positive that he has negotiated with you to be more flexible. A strict routine that someone else has established for you and imposed upon you can start to feel very constrictive and rigid and some people would resent that, I know I would! Hope that you can all settle back into a routine that is right for you all and that things go from strength to strength.

 

~ Mel ~