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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
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tdewar

So many things on my mind

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tdewar   

Hi guys I'm Tom,

 

I've not posted in a while but I should be back for a while.

 

Anyways, I am a 20 year old male and was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 3.

 

School was tough and suffered from a bad case of depression but overcame it and am now living in a flat independently.

 

However there have been many issues I have been struggling with in the last 2 weeks.

 

My mood has been up and down "like a yoyo" over the last week. And I can pinpoint what is to blame; upset over a girl I (still) like who went to my school.

 

You see, I struggle talking to girls. I really do want to have the confidence but I get nervous or don't know what to say to them. Especially around the ones I have feelings for. Anyway, this girl left me a birthday message, and I thought "Maybe she wants to get back in contact!"

 

We hadn't spoken for about 4 years. She was very friendly with me when we were kids, but our friendship drifted apart in Secondary School when she had her own circle of friends.

 

So I left her a general message asking how she was and to thank her for remembering my birthday. I literally waited for about 4 days, and I couldn't get the idea out of my head that she might reply. What I didn't realize was that she was in a relationship. I would feel low

just thinking about it and I would regularly check my Facebook to see if she sent anything back. In the end, I just deleted the message and moved on. Seriously some nights before I was in tears. One night I was so low that I had to spend the night at my parents house.

 

I haven't had a relationship yet. I am a very kind person but suffer from anxiety. I just don't want my youth to pass me by. I've had

enough regrets as it is.

 

Intermission: Sorry if this sounds negative, but had to get this off my chest ^_^

 

Also, I barely go out. I struggle with my own age group unless I know people. I do feel lonely often in my flat, and my parents have been concerned. People have commented I seem quiet or withdrawn. I sometimes look back at the past and wonder if I could have done anything different. I also tend to be negative when I can't manage my problems and takes me a while to get over it. I seriously don't know how to make things better. The one thing I really want is confidence, but first I need to accept myself.

 

Any advice?

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"if it means alot to you, you,ll find a way. if not, you'll find an excuse"

 

basically there comes a point when you just have to say to yourself f*ck it! i want something and im going to get it.

 

you cant dwell on something thats already done, that girl is tied up in a realtionship, it aint gona happen. and even if she split from her partner you would just be a rebound realtionship, and nobody wants to be a rebound. i say, erase the girl from your mind, its in the past. it happened yesterday and you want to focus your energy on tomrrow.

 

you have to ask yourself whats worse, feeling dissapointed and angry at yourself for not trying? or the fear and anxiety that comes with sticking out a challange. sure some challanges are terrifiying but the reward is great. and even if you fail you can hold your head up high and say to yourself, i tryed. just dust yourself off and move onto the next challange, dont make the mistake of looking back.

 

as far as women go, they really arnt that hard to talk to, just talk to them like a friend, be nice and polite and dont say anything silly. you cant really go wrong. you,ll soon know if a girl truley likes you, trust me, it will hit you like a ton of bricks, it will be quite obvious.

Edited by A-S warrior

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LancsLad   

Tom as an 'older' aspie I think it is important to remeber that AS is a 'development' condition. Far too much of the culture around AS is focused on the child and teenage years. This tends to create strong reference points which I believe we tend to over use in our lives. We need to see AS as something which changes as we get older.

 

It is true that you will always have elements of the condition in your life but they do change. When I look back at my own life I can see that I was always a bit behind my peers in respect to development points in my life. I just want to say this is not a bad thing. A lot of people who meet me think I am a lot younger than my 47 years. I have a lot of energy. When I was managing my own departments a lot of people would comment that my department was the most fun to be part of because of the tone I set, we were highly productive and top performers but we would set out to have a good time. Whilst I had the skills and experience of 30 year old the attitude and energy was typical of a 25 year old. Some of the most dymanic and fun organisations in the world have suspected Aspies as their founders and CEO's, coincidence?

 

We start to introduce problems into our lives when we start to try and compare ourselves with people of a similar age rather than simply being ourselves. We look across and think they are doing this and that why am I not doing the same things. In my experience you will be but it might take a few years for you to 'naturally' reach that point in life. My advice is don't force it your time will come, thought it might be different, it might be better.

 

There is too much of a push in society for everyone to try and grow up too quickly. I will let you in on a secret when you get to my age what you find is that a lot of your peers are trying desperatly to stay young! So the same people who wanted to be so mature suddenly decide it might not be that good an approach after all.

 

My advice would be respect the person you are today and take things on in your life when it feels right to do so. This does not mean standing still and becoming paralized with fear, but push at your boundaries and expand your life in directions which feel appropriate. Look to the things you are good at, develop your interests as these are good ways of 'meeting' new people.

 

The one thing I really want is confidence, but first I need to accept myself.

 

The obvious thing about your post is you answered your own question, I can't put it any better myself. Yes you are different we all are and the more we look at others the more we see how different we really are. The secret is understanding that the difference is the best thing about you, it is what makes you special as an individual. When it comes to finding relationships one day someone will come along when you least expect it and think 'that Tom he is pretty special, I like him a lot'. If you try to be something you are not they will never see that version of Tom. If you lock yourself inside your flat they won't either. You need to simply get on with living your life and see where it takes you. I totally agree with A-S Warrior that when that person comes along it will hit you like a ton of bricks, the secret is not to run in the other direction, stay firm and smile you never know where it might lead, in my case a loving stable relationship which is 28 years young.

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