Can it get any better -resistant to support behaviour.

[workingmum]

Last year yr 7 - was like sch and all finding how DC fits in and copes, this year Yr 8 same issues not moved and resisting any support whatsoever much more, would not acknowledge disability and will shut down once subject is raised - has never accepted it anyway from the start.

 

DC - much of high achieving end of aspergers and hence has developed lots of coping mechanisim, shall I say, to blend and be like others but now starting to have challenging behaviousr - cant force DC to attend sessions - SALT, OT, etc or will attend and not show any interest.

 

 

Sch and us at wits ends on what to do - reasons DC has given are: " I dont need all these support and its not me that has that diagnosis, its for someone else. I dont want that label on me, why me and no body else, makes me different.

 

Now discussion to be had at end of month with school on what to do - stpo support or enforce punishment if no interest is show - could be counter productive. How can you force a person to attend and take something out of sessions- this might not work.

 

I am pulling every last hair of my head hair - anyone with any suggestions - please help

 

Yr 7 techinques used to date - in fact all - daily reports home , rewards behaviour at home and school, continuos praises eand a host of others trying to make sessions more interesting etc - not sure what to do, was better when DC was younger easy to manage but now DC has own reasons to do , so difficult to control this resistant to support behaviour.

 

Sch and support services not sure what to do now and we are no the wiser. if the professionals cant do anything and are at their wits end - how would we know how to manage this.

 

Also noticed recently, a need to belong - so DC was nudged by peers to acknowledge likeness of opposite sex in class, went along with it - dont know if its a puberty thing but was a issue raised at primary sch - trying to fit with the crowd - thats another issue to raise up with the school but wants to be like others.

[Sally44]

Kids don't want to be different. They want to all be the same the blend in.

Any kind of difference makes you stand out and get picked on.

 

How much has anyone attempted to explain to him what his diagnosis means and how it affects him?

 

My son used to be like that at his former school, but now he goes to an ASD only school. So for the first time he is like everyone else, and the supports and therapy are provided to all of the kids.

 

Professionals don't realise how it can make you lose confidence and have low self esteem when everyone else is okay and it is ONLY you that gets help and therapy. It makes you feel useless. Why would anyone want to claim that?

[workingmum]

oh dear, wont it get to a point where all support are stopped and then what?

[puffin]

Obviously support may become a sensitive issue in teenage years as kids do not wish to be perceived as "different"

 

I think a lot depends on how it is going for him without support? Is he really benefiting from support or would he benefit more from a different type of support. It sounds from your post that being singled out for support is actually a source of problems rather than a solution at the moment. Is it worth taking a step back rather than force the issue? What is he gaining?

 

Your child is obviously highly intelligent as you mention on another thread that you wish him to move to a competitive entry independent school – so possibly your aim would be that in the long term he would manage without support? So perhaps now is a good time to review the support he is getting and how it is delivered.

 

We have been through this with DD (16 AS/ADHD). She became increasingly resistant to any support forms that involved withdrawing her from class and friends and being “different” – so this type of support was gradually reduced after she was 14. We replaced it with good briefings to staff on the language they used, agreements that she would get additional briefings on what was required and how to break down on discursive subjects rather than essay titles such as “explain the French revolution”, she also had part time LSA assistance for organizational issues. DD has become more aware of her own capabilities and has shown a greater willingness to be independent and has managed things that would have been impossible 2-3 years ago. But only you can judge whether your son is ready for a different form of support.

 

[trekster]

i agree with Puffins take on the situation, change how the staff behave around your child. Another idea would be to offer to take your child to a social group for autistics, as hes asking why him and not anyone else. Also leaving literature about autism lying around in the hope he will browse it when you're not there. It is a big thing to accept being different from others and finding your way. Parents groups for children on the ASD spectrum or disabled children in general could also benefit you.

 

Does he need help with homework? Could after school support be given instead of during school support?

Personally i would have loved to have been given support appropriate to my needs at school but i was actively seeking a diagnosis as a teenager whereas your son is resisting one.