Shower

[janecw]

Does anyone else have experience of AS adolescents hating the shower? My son prefers to bath, as he doesn't like the sensation of the shower water at all. However, I'm trying to get him to shower, as it saves so much time. He complains if the water temperature and flow isn't absolutely constant. Can anyone recommend a good make of shower that would give a very constant and reliable temperature and water flow? Thanks. Jane

[Isobel]

I find my electric shower is consistent, and very useful if the boiler decides to pack up, like mine has done today.

[Merry]

Hmmm. Having head under water wasn't good for me either as a kid, and the feeling of water running over your face as in shower gives the same feeling. Still don't like it now, and my baby doesn't like it either, probably for the same reason. It takes your breath away, like you can't breathe. We are usually creatures of habit, and once we have a bad experience with something, even if it doesn't seem bad to anyone else, we'll remember and try to avoid it or find a way around it, probably for life! If he's okay in the bath, he'll be likely to always want to bathe because that's what he does and feels comfortable with it. It may not be the head under water thing at all but that was my problem, and much less chance of it in the bath. How to introduce a change? If i could put myself in both your and his position, I would, if bath time is a part of his routine, not try to change it quickly. I would let me keep my bathtime and have experiences with sprayed water in other ways until it becomes familiar. Like those little cups with holes. If he would play with water, you could use those like little showers over his arms etc, and gradually progress....? If temp is the problem, i've no idea. Ours is all over the place too. If water is used anywhere else in the house, it scolds then freezes! That may well be scary for him...and over stimulating. Have you tried using one of those caps that stop water from going in eyes, or maybe using a towel over his body while under shower so that the water can't be felt so much on his skin? Or maybe trying a half-bath/half-shower approach until he gets used to it? Sorry you asked for advice about consistent showers and i'm just going on about other stuff! Good luck with problem tho.

[Dijac]

Hi Jane,

 

I have similar problems with my 13 y.o aspie. But he hates our shower as he says he feels too closed in - he says it's like a gas chamber. So he just takes baths, and only 2 - 3 times per week - it would be less if he had his way. He hates to be shut in the bathroom too, so leaves the door ajar, but gets all upset if anyone comes near.

 

He hates the water falling on his head too, so getting him to wash his hair is an issue. I did try getting him some nice, grown up shower gel / shampoo, but it hasn't made any difference.

 

So not much help I am afraid,

 

Diane

[rufusrufus]

As a child I HATED the shower, would scream and cry when my Mum washed my hair. Not only did I hate the water going in my eyes, but I hated the rest of my body feeling cold, and the sensation of Mum rubbing in the shampoo, and the smell of it, and it was cold on my head. I only recently got a dx of AS though so just had to get on with it. I still hate showering, but now it's got more to do with hating my body, but at least I'm in control of when I'm under the water. My chest still seizes up when I have to put my face under the shower though, I really have to steel myself to do it.

I like what Merry said about introducing water play to reduce the fear. I would go very slowly with this though, and not push it too fast. Also, your child may be very quick to cotton onto your ulterior motive and resent it! From my work with children with special needs, there seem to be 2 lines of thought in things like this: 1 - if it's that traumatic, don't put them through it, if a viable alternative exists, (eg. bath instead of shower), just use that, 2 - Teaching your child that they can "opt out" of certain things means that when they are confronted with something in the "real" world that they can't avoid, they won't have learned any coping strategies, so are likely to totally meltdown, so it's better to keep working through these issues, although they're difficult. I still can't decide where I stand on it, to be honest! From my own experience, I wish my Mum had realised that I wasn't just kicking up a fuss to be awkward, I was genuinely absolutely terrified, and her "no nonsense, just get on with it" approach made it worse. Still, I don't blame her, you just do your best with what you have at the time.

Best of luck, I hope you find a solution

[Linnet]

I also hate the shower. If I have to have one I don't put my head near it. My solution is to have a shower attachent on the bath taps. I wash my hair using this by kneeling at the side of the bath and leaning over (luckily I'm tall enough to do this). In this way I can wash my hair without getting my face wet. I can stand in the bath and use the shower attachment to wash my body and I don't have to stand under the running water.

As a child I use to scream and scream if I had to have a bath or a shower. My mum must have depaired of me.

Hope you can find a solution for your son.

[indiscreet]

I also hate showers and always use the bath for preferance. I go to a hairdresser for a wash and blow-dry each week but when he's on holiday I manage as best I can - but I'm not a happy aspie.

 

Also, I didn't like being forced to go to the swimming pool when I was young. I never could learn to swim and now I'm an adult I won't go anywhere near one.

[Linnet]

I also hate showers and always use the bath for preferance. I go to a hairdresser for a wash and blow-dry each week but when he's on holiday I manage as best I can - but I'm not a happy aspie.

 

Also, I didn't like being forced to go to the swimming pool when I was young. I never could learn to swim and now I'm an adult I won't go anywhere near one.

 

I also hated the swimming pool but overcame my fear and hatred when i was 42 and finally learnt to swim. I now enjoy it providing the pool is quiet and I don't get my face wet.

[Willow-Tree]

My main issue with this, as many have said, is getting my face wet. I can't stand it - it's mostly my eyes and nose I dislike being wet. So I have to stand sort of off centre to the shower, which is fine for my shower as it's just sort of in the room, not in a case thingy (I hate those cause there's no room and I always end up with water on my face). I'm the same about swimming, I just swim awkwardly with my head above water, then stop and almost have a panic attack if I get splashed

 

I much prefer baths, and when I moved I only had a shower

 

Our shower is pretty good at being constant and you can adjust the water flow on 3 settings of...powerfull-ness. It's called Mira - Advanced Thermostatic ATL. Not sure if they'll still make it. You have to keep the little bobbles the water comes out of super clean though, otherwise you get a big drip that feels heavier than the rest of the flow. That sounds daft, but oh well.

 

Good luck in the hunt for a good shower

[Isobel]

I'm the total opposite, I love a shower. I don't imagine anyone would like water up the nose or in the eyes anyway, but I don't have to stick my face under it anyway.

[rufusrufus]

Nowadays I prefer a shower because in a bath I'm more "exposed" to my own body, and in a shower I don't have to look at myself so much. I'm amazed that other people feel the same way as I do re. swimming, again, it's the lack of control that panics me. But I do love that incredible peacefulness under the water. It's a shame you have to come up to breathe, really!

[janecw]

Oh wow! This is so useful to hear all these comments. I do understand that my son isn't just making a fuss for no reason, but it is so enlightening to get some insight into how he may be feeling about it. The main problem I have is that he is now too old to want me washing his hair in the bath, and we don't have the kind of taps on the bath that can fit one of those hose attachments for washing hair. So it is much easier if he showers and can then wash his own hair more easily. Also, I'm just generally trying to encourage him to wash more as he gets older, and a bath seems to be a time consuming, major event, which causes stress! I'm trying to encourage more independence, and I thought a shower would be much easier for him to manage regularly himself. We have only had the shower about a year, and he doesn't seem to want to persevere with it, always complaining about the temperature changes, (which to the rest of the family don't seem too bad), and the feel of the water being horrible. I may have to think again, and possibly get the bath taps changed, so they can fit an attachment for hair washing maybe. Thanks for all the insights. Will have another think! Jane