So frustrated with son STILL not being toilet trained

[Noskcaj86]

Need to rant,

Jack is still not toilet trained at 4 and a half. My eldest was trained by 3 so 18 ish months earlier than how old jack is now. Jack had an accident in the bath again... He gives no warning, and doesnt seem bothered by it. Obviously it is quite gross to have to clean up etc so im not happy. Its so hard not to feel angry/annoyed with him for it, even though i know its not his fault. When will it end!! Will it end?? Did other parents have big problems with toilet training there LOs?

 

Thanx

[Lyndalou]

I feel for you - that is hard! My son is 5 and not fully toilet trained. He was fully out of nappies during the day for wees at around 4 1/2 but he still wears nappies in the evening because he refuses to do a poo in the toilet. It was very tough and very upsetting towards the end of 2011 and last year we eased off and he became interested in peeing standing up with consistent (but frustrating) prompting. It was such a relief when finally he could go to the toilet to pee but he has not got a very good idea of when he needs to go until he is quite desperate sometimes! This fluctuates and he can have little awareness when he is quite focused on other activities. He can be jiggling around for ages before he is persuaded to go. The same applies to pooing too. He won't go at any other time but in the evening (sometimes in the morning but not during the day) so he can really act up when he is needing through the day if he didn't 'go' the night before. I don't think he recognises the 'signs' that he is needing but he has not lost control in the bath because I think he has good bladder and sphincter control. It may be that your wee boy doesn't. It might be worth getting him physically checked out because there may be a physical reason that he is going in the bath and doesn't realise he is going to.

 

It might also be worth asking about free nappies if you haven't already. In Scotland (or at least in our area) you can apply for free nappies through the NHS. I did fill in the paperwork but now we are down to the maximum of 2 nappies per day (one in the evening and one during the night) we didn't proceed. You can also get toileting advice.

 

My son refuses to sit on the toilet, sitting forward with his feet on a step so he falls backwards down the loo and he gets stressed out following direction to hold onto the heater and the bath which would give him good balance. His bum is too big for all the trainer seats and has been for a long time! I really don't know how we proceed.... However, there normally comes a time when there is a 'window of opportunity' to do things and this will likely happen with your lad and mine but continuous prompting is still needed!

[Noskcaj86]

Thanx it good to know im not alone with this. Its so frustrating! My almost 3 year old is going to be out of nappies before Jack at this rate. He has no ides hes going to go, and after it happend he still didnt notice... other times he has noticed but this time he didnt, very odd! I will defo look in to getting free nappies, how would i find out about weather they have a scheme in my area??

[Lyndalou]

Your best bet is to speak to your HV. This isn't something that is freely advertised. The form is a long one (up here anyway - aren't they always!) and part of the process is to have the child physically examined. Just a word of warning and hopefully it isn't the case where you are....!! up here, they deliberately offer smaller sizes than a child of 4/5 would wear or adult sizes only and no pull ups - very helpful, hmmm? but obviously designed to put people off applying. A mum I know used to take a binbag full of free nappies which didn't fit her child every month to a car boot sale to make money to buy the size she actually needed. If Jack is a similar size to my son he was in size 6's from 3 yrs old. They can be up to all the tricks so good luck!!

 

I also know someone who has been able to get nappies from the States for their 6 yr old and by all accounts they get the costs reimbursed so there are other ways and means.

 

I have predominantly used night-time trainers (age 4-7) for my son for around a year as size 6's were almost cutting off the circulation!

Edited January 3, 2013 by Lyndalou

[MelowMeldrew]

My son resisted all toilet training until 6 years of age, no matter how training was applied or who tried it we had nurses try it and failed. Then he decided to start using toilet on his own, that's how it works with mine ! he just suddenly gets the urge to comply (Or not!), and does it. However he WON'T use toilet paper under any circumstance, even now at near 18yrs of age. He does clean himself after using the toilet, but not very effectively. There appears to be no answer at present for mine. Any attempt at chiding or setting up an routine fails every time, even the school cannot influence him at all. They did try, he took the stance then of refusing ANY toilet use at school for 4 months as a result, so there was no way to build up a routine. This created more serious problems, so we let him attend to his toilet his way, but he locks us out we are not allowed to know how he is doing it ! I suspect it is hand washing. We know via clothing he is not doing it properly. We have pictorial representations up in the toilet so he can follow correct toilet routine, issued to us by the Dr and school, he ignores it, indeed sees it as a challenge. It is risky to keep on about it as he can refuse to use the toilet at all anywhere. he really is determined about it and aware enough to frustrate anyone who tries to change him. It has to come from him nowhere else. he is well aware of the routine.

[Noskcaj86]

Oh no, i hope it doesnt go on until hes 6... or longer . How did you cope, was it driving you insane or were you just use to it by then? I think im struggling with it so much because we have 2 little ones younger than Jack so we have 3 in nappies all at the same time! Not what i expected. I knew we would have 2 in them at a time but never thought it would be 3

[MelowMeldrew]

He did grow out nappies. He kept wearing them because of his refusal to use the school or nursery toilet, then overnight he just decided to stop himself. We had in-depth monitoring to see WHAT regarding the toilet itself was triggering the obstinacy and failed. was it water ? taps ? flushing ? toilet paper aversion ? colour of the bathroom ? the aversion to toilet smells etc we could never pin it down. At 8 years of age he smeared the entire bedroom with excrement on a regular basis, so obviously smell/handling his own poo (!) wasn't the problem, again he suddenly decided to top all that himself but it took 14 months. They suggested giving him play doh to handle on the basis he liked the 'feel' ! I didn't go with it, as I felt that didn't actually address what was going on. The concern is that he seems totally aware and can at some points stop and start at will himself. That suggest attention-seeking to a degree, but is NOT, the sole reason. The situation is now manageable and has been a few years, it is the best we can get to. I've rarely met nor the Dr, a child's complete control over own bowels either. We tried to make him go to the tilet at school by giving him drinks prior to school attendance hoping nature would do its own work and he would use the toilet., but, he manages to contain his toilet over 12 hours easily, so it didn't work. I don't believe your child is anywhere near that so don't worry, they DO grow out of it and it CAN be managed. Did we get frustrated annoyed etc, you bet we did ! but panicking will just make it continue and you need oodles of patience obviously. Don't try to make him 'normal' like other children, it really does not work. We accommodate them they have no desire to accommodate us, at least my son is like that !