What it's like to have Asperger's Syndrome for non Aspies.

[Alex_a_scholar]

A Personal History,

 

My Interests lead to hobbies, my hobbies lead to obsessions, my obsessions lead to mental exhaustion, my mental exhaustion leads to physical exhaustion, my mental and physical exhaustion lead to a breakdown of all major bodily functions, my functional breakdown leads to diagnosis of various mental illnesses, I am prescribed medication, the medication makes me feel great, repeat every 12 months............

 

If I could harness my thunder, I would be Superman.

[Suze]

I think its knowing and recognising when the interest takes over and becomes damaging to your health.Its then trying to break that cycle.However I feel that those with AS have a brain type /disposition to become OCD in their interests.It can be a gift or a curse , its how to channel it that results in problems and suffering.(please excuse my rather krass way of explaing it aswell )

I also don,t think it is a conscious choice either.As soon as my son could crawl he actively sort out the vaccum cleaner and loved to watch and play with it.Ignoring all the usual baby toys.He then went on to lawn mowers then tractors.We lived near a farm and he would spend hours at the window watching.He channelled his obsession into a career and is now working for John Deere.I thin klike you say the key is harnessing that power and trying to channel it in a positive way .

[Mike_GX101]

It's like being born in a foreign country where it isn't just the currency that is different. All's well until you're schooled where they realise (or they tell you matter-of-factly) you're not like the natives. They run tests and observations and conclude you're not a native. Allowances are provided for the 'foreign' mannerisms and perceptions you exhibit but socially you feel even more foreign having your new 'label' which does more to alienate than the condition it names. You get the feeling you're avoided. Others still take your hand and never let go.

 

In the world of work when you're an adult Job Interviews are the new demons. They're made fiendishly hard as if it's some kind of joke. A simple cashier job at 18 ends up involving 7 layers of tests including group work challenges even before you're offered an interview. Most don't make it that far but those who do often find find they've just wasted 6 weeks of their life trying to get this job as the panel of 7 interviewers very smuggly bin their application. You walk away deeply out of pocket and feeling deeply disillusioned with it all.

 

If you do get a job it's usually much less than what you're capable of and the boss goes to huge lengths to bar any kind of promotion while bowing to the cameras as they get snapped for their recent publicity stunt for recruiting someone with a disability. Your development in the workplace gets somewhat stilted (to say the least) and you lose your way.

 

Many of us do eventually make it (after a lot of work in the beginning and even more in educating ourselves on emotions and other things we missed when we were younger) and we can look back and reflect on where we could have done better and where our hungers for stability, security and routine got the better of us. Many of us do learn to integrate and furthermore many of us decide to drop the label of 'aspergers' or 'autism' as we realise we're better off without it.

Edited January 12, 2013 by Mike_GX101

[Merry]

Amazing post Mike_GX101! The world still feels like a foreign place to me but i've made my home here and generally keep to myself so i can put up with the place now! Suze is quite right...it's about getting the balance right...recognizing when the obsession is taking over because even what seems like a very positive obsession can become too much and we can burn out. But don't listen to me....! It took me til the age of 29, repeating the same patterns of behaviour that you described alex_a_scholar, all my life, over and over again, building everything up, not being able to focus on anything but the obsessions, falling into depression and overload, and losing everything. It was a yearly cycle for me too. I'm very bad at learning my lessons. The drive and compulsion to follow these obsessions doesn't make it feel like a choice at all. I can relate to that feeling of total importance and urgency in following them. It's almost as though that break through is just around the corner. How can you change the habits of a lifetime? Well for me, the first step was noticing the pattern, as you have. The second step, was changing to organic food, and the third step for me was getting married and having a family because now there is something i love more than my obsessions....and i'm too busy to give them the time they demand anyway. My life is a lot more stable now, and i'd say i live like most `normal` people do. The patterns of behaviour which kept me going round in circles all my life have ceased. Although i still have obsessions, I never ever let them take over anymore. It may be that there's a reason for them....or it may be that it's just our brains leading us on pointless journeys. I don't know anymore. The native Americans would call you "One with the thunder beings!" It means you have a lot of energy at some points, and can achieve great things with huge amounts of power, then fade out for a time as your energy diminishes. I think the fact that you are aware of the patterns means that you have some hope of controlling your mind in the future. Oh, and i firmly believe that switching to an organic diet had a huge impact on my brain function! Good luck!