smileyK Report post Posted January 17, 2013 Why do I get so defensive annoyed attack mode?! With constructive critism always found this a massive issue struggled to deal with "swallow" appropriately and effectively! Just feels constantly 'everyone' out to "get me" in some strange /weird way! Can't explain it all that well with words! Like literally "hate" me make them feel angry,stressed ,annoyed all time could be connected/linked to social anxiety causing endless paranoid ,insecure thoughts attaching then to my already non -existent self -esteem which is crushed ,ripped open in a 'heart-beat' not seem to be improving any or working its way out at all though am making an effort try to keep "plodding along" holding on in there just! Just keeps becoming so much more to already very mile long list of issues need working on with assistance as struggling make sense of anything at all really! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 18, 2013 Refer to the post about your mood diary. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 18, 2013 I have already!-i have responded back to your post! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 18, 2013 back to my first post - just want to know if anyone else has these type of 'issues' if so why these occur /happen the conclusion is right i've come too??? XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 18, 2013 You're quite sensitive right now understandably because of everything that is going on - so when people are firm with you, it seems like they don't get where you are coming from and hate you. If someone hated you, they wouldn't give you any constructive criticism to try and help you. You're recognising that this is coming from your insecurity and anxiety issues - now that you are doing something about it you may find that these kind of thoughts will get less and less frequent. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 18, 2013 (edited) "hate trying to therapy myself but come to also realise this maybe only way it's going to work to self talk myself through my issues so fed up of feeling so glum though! and end up coming to same conclusion each time of 'everyone' out watch me fall and trip and laugh .... maybe just because i "hate" myself so much i tend label this feeling on everyone comes into contact with me! as i feel should hate me as much as i do all comes down to lack of self-esteem to be honest and then followed by deep depths lows of joyful depression! i've never adjusted to anything surrounding criticism well even if it is constructive even with own family parents ,boss at work - stops at no-one! get stuck in this situation can't act on it due to attached to self -esteem trying to accept rise to being pro-active with constructive criticism i feel failure let down labels follow me everywhere ... but know it down to me! ;( Edited January 18, 2013 by smileyK Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 19, 2013 Well, instead of focussing on hating yourself - try and do things that make you happy and smile. Spend time with your friends, play games online, watch movies you love. Try and accentuate the positive. You are on the right road now Smiley, you just have to keep going. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 19, 2013 I do try "function" and try carry on with normal everyday routine I went out with best friend on thursday lat afternoon /evening with pub meal down the road and went gala bingo afterwards so am making an effort to shrive towards positive instead of opposite last weekend had girlie night with best friends! So am really really trying -making a true effort to work hard at it all time such working progress ... Suppose better than no progress at all though! I am trying to keep at it reminding myself of all positives my parents say this all time especially my mum which ironic really as she has depression which battled with continously for years since we were babies yet she still carries on saying SMILE 'n' be if only it was the magic easy fix! Feel I do this anyways but maybe not then! Depression makes me think otherwise?! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JeanneA Report post Posted January 19, 2013 It sounds like you have a lovely Mum smiley who cares for you a lot. I think you are doing really well lately, being very positive. You are bound to have your 'low moments' as everyone does but think of all the positives in your life, and do the things that make you happy :=) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 19, 2013 Yesterday had a slip up so urge/tempted towards another crisis goes smooth for not long bumpy in the middle then hits hard crisis situation!wish I could someone lock my bedroom door and never come out again gets me so bad so much! Don't feel the crises will ever evaporate disappear over night! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 20, 2013 Smiley, what do you mean? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 20, 2013 @ matzoball- don't know how else to explain what I mean! Sorry! Tried express in words what I mean! Know it aint easy get understand as talk in "riddles"! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oakers Report post Posted January 20, 2013 I get that things are difficult for you Smiley but maybe if you took a little more time to post it'd be easier for people to understand. When you post you sound erratic and make little sense at times... maybe looking back at your posts when you're about to post them you could edit and make them a little easier to understand? I know many of us take a lot of time over our posts and re-read and sometimes edit before we commit to it being our 'final' post. Just a thought. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 20, 2013 oakers - i do re-read and editing alot more now than ever before i know don't seem like it but if look at bottom of my post says when i've edited my posts so am learning to take my time to explain/express further just sometimes can 'stuck' in how else i can express/explain further that's all especially when feel so 'high' 'buzzing' or restless which lot it becomes more harder/difficult challenge to sit down think logical ,rational where all make complete utter sense - sorry if it doesn't future warning! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
