Running off

[Noskcaj86]

Today I let Jack walk in ASDA because he said as we got out the car "my want to walk, my not going in my buggy, my wont run away" so i thought id give him a chance as hed said he wouldnt run away. BIG mistake, he ran away and we had the security bloke looking for him on CCTV, he couldnt locate him. Then a woman came in to the shop holding Jacks hand saying she had found him in the car park screaming . Most of the time he had held my hand and had behaved well, it was only after we had paid and were exchanging something at customer services that i had let go of his hand and was distracted for 2 seconds, and he was gone! Just lucky it was a nice person that had found him!!! So do i keep him in his buggy a bit longer and try again in a few months? Its for his own safety hes in the buggy but i know it means he has less freedom and at 4 and a half we wants freedom. What to do.....

[smileyK]

Could you not put him on strap so he still with you as such but he feels independent as such? XKLX

[Noskcaj86]

This has been tried, it results in him screaming and refusing to move, sitting on the pavement (etc) meltdown type behaviour. But that was a while ago so maybe i should try again with a harness or strap

[Lyndalou]

Have you ever tried putting him in the back of the trolley and pretend it's a car or something? Although he's getting a bit too big for it now and I can get 'funny' looks, there are times that I still put my son in the back of the trolley sitting on a jumbo box of nappies as a 'seat'. We go to the baby section first to get it. I have to be quite careful about the groceries I put in the trolley beside his feet (no breakables or squashables!!) but he quite enjoys being 'in charge' of the shopping and I also hand him things to put into the trolley himself When we get to the checkout, he helps putting the groceries on the belt. It keeps him occupied and amused and stops him running off down the aisles or away from the checkout when we get there.

[Noskcaj86]

He climbs back out.... He is very energetic and physically able, I have to run at full speed to catch him if he runs off, hes 4 im 26 lol! I think its going to have to be stick with buggy, unless he is now happy to have reins on x

[Lyndalou]

Yes, the trolley idea sounds dangerous for Jack! Are there any parts of the shop in particular where he tends to run away from or is it just anywhere? Is it when you are around the freezers for instance where the cold and the loud humming could make him want to get away? It's just a thought because if there are certain 'trigger' areas you could maybe go to them last when you shop.

[Noskcaj86]

No i dont think its to do with sound, he rarely freaks out with sounds any more. he does cover his ears still if an alarm goes off or for example yesterday the hand dryer was to noisy for him but he does'nt run off he copes with it by covering his ears until he's ready to hear it if that makes sense! He just has a lot of energy (hyper active i would say) and that mixed with no sense of danger = disaster. I literally have to watch him like a hawk, to the point i walk in to things/people because im having to look behind me at him rather than where i'm going. It takes 2 seconds of destraction and he's gone. I wonder when it will get easier and he wont need so much supervision/1 to 1 attention. Its exhausting!!

[Enid]

shop online is my advice! also do what ever is safe, as you say, lucky a nice person found him, its not worth the risk..

[cazzap06]

My daughter is having an EXTREMELY hard time with my Grandson due to running off too , he just won't go in the direction they need to go in but wants to go in the totally opposite direction & refuses to move etc and then of course throws himself on the floor and has a wail etc

 

So she then has to PICK HIM UP and carry him where she needs to go but he is nearly 6 and with a good appetite thankfully but he isn't tiny so it is not good for her back!!!

 

She has a social worker and she broke down one time in front of her as it has now got to the point where we can't seem to take him ANYWHERE , not even to the local shop and getting him just from the school bus to home around the corner even is a nightmare

 

He has a fascination with traffic lights which is so sweet but not when he is refusing to move from them or if they are in the opposite direction they need to go..

 

It is also becoming dangerous as he darts off into the road , won't hold our hands and is just generally wanting to do his own thing of course , not ours , even if it is for his own benefit eg take him swimming..

 

On holiday it was a NIGHTMARE getting him around , he refused to go into the swimming baths so my daughter ended up having to carry him in and then he enjoyed it so much that if we went anywhere near the pool he would stop and refuse to move because he wanted to go in after flatly refusing the first time of course lol but then we had trouble even walking past it...

 

I have suggested a buggy for older children and my daughter agrees as it is becoming more and more unsafe and stressful even for little man , so she is looking into getting one from his OP as she cannot afford cabs everywhere which is the ONLY way of taking him out now!

 

The social worker says ''no'' he will get too used to being in the buggy but I know how it is affecting us as a family and not even to be able to take him to the park etc like I used to is killing me , so we need a BUGGY!!!!

 

The reigns didn't work and on holiday we ended up having to get a luggage trolley for him to sit in to take him from A-B which he 'sort of' got used to but yes he loves to run around but only where he wants to go not where we need to go lol

 

A buggy for a while at least would solve the problem for us but her social worker is going to take her out and show her some 'tactics' in resolving this problem ..... If miracles happen , then I will believe it , but I just know a buggy would help and at the moment it has got to the point I don't care what ANYONE says I want to be able to take him out the way I used to and for my daughter to be able to get from A-B with him at least as it is at the point they are both HOUSE BOUND now!

 

I am going to write to some charities on her behalf as it seems there is a long wait for one from the OP and it is getting dire now and we need one ASAP to improve the situation of getting him and all of us out and about together which I MISS and I know a buggy will bring improvement to our life!!!

[Noskcaj86]

We got our Maclaren elite off ebay. 2nd hand is so much cheaper. And ours was in good condition. It was £100 instead of £300 new! Maybe an idea to look for 2nd hand ones. Good luck

[sesley]

I would do whats safe for you, treat him like a determined toddler running off.strapped in a buggy even if he screams and stuggles, until he learns not to run off. Do you take him to a park to run around? Maybe do that before shopping.I know they have loads of energy and at 4 he is stronger, than a toddler, and he is battling with you, so you have to overide his wants and show him who is boss, you! In the buggy have you a ipod or a walkman that you can play story tapes or music he likes?or you wear the ipod and drown out his screaming,he will learn his screaming gets no where, I know people will be staring, so an ipod for you if he does not want it, means you shop in your world while he safely struggles. You really must start showing him who is boss.Like all children, they need to learn boundarys and keeping him safe the way that suits you is important, until he learns he needs to be safe and trust you .

[Sally44]

I kept my son in the buggy. And even when he was a bit older he had a habit of 'hiding', so I had to literally keep my eyes on him all the time. Still lost him on a couple of occasions, in shops, where he had managed to get under or inbetween something so he could not be seen.

 

We found that quite alot of it was due to sensory issues and anxiety. Although he never said certain things bothered him until some years later.

 

So we got him a baseball cap style hat, sunglasses if needed, earphones, something sprayed with a scent he liked, something to hold onto or fiddle with. This all helped alot.

 

Tantrums are hard. Harder still when you don't know what has caused them. I remember even now, being in Sainsburys cafe, queuing to buy dinner. My son wanted fish fingers, and they had changed the name of them to 'fish nuggets'. He could not handle that, didn't know what it meant. So asked for 'chicken nuggets' instead. We were then told they were no longer called that, they were called 'chicken chunks'. Well he just collapsed on the floor screaming, refusing to get up.

 

He did eventually get up and we moved to a table. He did try the 'chicken chunks', and said they tasted the same as 'chicken nuggets'. And we had a talk about how 'words' can change for things. Basically it was due to his difficulties with understanding speech and language that made it a nightmare for him.

 

Now he is older he pushes the trolley. Keeps him busy.

[cazzap06]

Ahhhh , thanks for all the support , it is so sweet that they end up hiding away when anxious , bless , am doing my best to UNDERSTAND my Grandson as I know it is hard for him to understand the world

 

Just find it hard and upsetting that the world struggles to understand HIM as in we often get dirty looks as people think he is just being a 'naughty child' when really his distress in certain situations and places is part of his Autism

 

He has enough difficulties to cope with as it is and manages well in his world and is actually a very happy bunny most of the time which is great!!!

 

I was looking at 2nd hand Maclaren Elites on Ebay so will keep an eye on them in case they go for a decent price as they seem to have a huge amount of bidders , so obviously very much a need for them!

 

I was thinking of getting him a music player for in the buggy to keep him calm or a hand held game as he may play up when having to get into it but reckon he will get used to it in no time as when on holiday he actually got used to being pushed around on the luggage trolley a few times and we did tell him off when he tried to get off it as we NEEDED to keep him on there sometimes just to simply ( and calmly ) get him from A-B and it is good he didn't object too much even without being strapped in in any way so am sure he will get used to the buggy just fine

 

I am now inclined to totally ignore what the social worker says about it not being a good idea as for us as a family i believe it IS a VERY good idea and the only solution for keeping him safe and happy once he gets used to it ( again , bless , he hasn't been in a buggy for approx 2 years now as his street behaviour was fine between around 4-5 years old but now he is older he has developed different behaviour patterns which I know are due to his Autism so want to support him and his Mummy as much as possible and do whatever helps!!! )

[sesley]

Social workers are not the experts on your children and they are not the ones stressed out with a distressed school aged child swimming on the floor and looking for a strong runaway. You have to go with your instincts for safety.

[Noskcaj86]

Do what you think is safest. I make sure hes in the buggy every time were somewhere busy now, not risking him running of like that again, its to dangerous. And its to stressful for me to have to try to keep my eye on him every second. So hes in the buggy weather he wants to be or not until he has more awareness of danger.