Worried about my 3 yr old and hoping and praying its nothing

[Noskcaj86]

My 3 yr old is not speaking very well at all. He is being seen by a early years worker because of speech delay and has been referred to a speech delay group. Ive not been worried about him at all until the lase few weeks. I think ive suddenly realised hes not 2 anymore, hes now 3 and still not speaking much, and when he does its not clear speech. Hes also not showing signs of wanting to be toilet trained, although i admit i have delayed his toilet training because of jack, but hes had plenty of chances to use the potty or toilet and doesnt. He does spin in circles a bit... but not a huge amount. Im really hoping its nothing and that im just being paranoid. What should i do, wait and see how he is in a few months or is it time to start telling the HV im concerned? Up until now when ive seen the HV for him ive always said i have no concernes about him. thanx

[smileyK]

Yeah I really would voice your "concerns" as whatever these issues may be want them addressed resolved supported best possible outcome I think you've answered yourself really -time speak out and seek some guidance ,reassurance!! Sounds like you need it right now! Good luck! X

 

* I don't think would "harm" or "hurt" voicing your worries as may give you an idea on how to 'better' manage day to day tasks wouldn't feel so isolated alone confused and lost within it all -mixed up! Don't be worried to "voice" neither this will hopefully help you all in someway!

Edited March 23, 2013 by trekster

[Sally44]

Speech and Language is very important. You've noticed yourself that he is 3 and not talking much. It does need checking out. I presume he's had his hearing test and that was okay?

I would voice your concerns with HV. Do you have another child on the spectrum? It is not long before he will be starting school and you need to know what kind of school he should go to and what kind of help or support [if any] he will need BEFORE he starts school.

[Noskcaj86]

My other son Jack who is 18 months older than my 3 yr old is undergoing assessment for asd at the moment, its been a long on going road with ruling out other things first. Hes just been referred on for a detailed assessment for asd so we are expecting a diagnosis in the next few months. Obviously i know it can run in families and is more likely in boys so i think this is why im on high alert for symptoms in my other boys. I did wonder if my 3 year old might be copying some of the behaviours from his brother? But obviously the speech delay cant have been copied. I hope he doesnt also have autism, i live jack to bits and wouldnt change him for the world but it is hard hard work and im not sure i could cope with more than 1 child on the spectrum :/

 

He hasnt had a hearing test since 9 months old, i will suggest to his HV he has one asap. But he can hear me if i whisper behind him.. I did wonder if he wasnt hearing very well so tested him myself!

 

I just have a gut feeling that something is up with him.

Edited March 23, 2013 by trekster

[smileyK]

Gut feeling is also very natural yet important flag when just can't put your fingers on it or have an actual name or a term yet you just know instinctively your child my parents were exactly the same too think it a perfectly "normally" fitted feeling of something doesn't feel or sit exactly right then it is your "right" to express to HV what the current as well as past issues you've described/explained to us on this forum! Even print out where made a list of jacks 'struggles' /issues! Hope you find " the answers" you so searching -looking for sometimes it takes a while to collect information/details together to create 'bigger picture' just take it step by step as be easier to manage and digest!

 

If more than one of your sons is 'somewhere on the spectrum' like you've coped with suspected one undiagnosed you would unknowningly and instinctly pick up with the rest of your sons not that 'wishing' that to happen to you! I think as a mum you do what you have been dealt with nature -spectrum child/ren or not! You muddle through somehow someway like you been doing with jack my mum and dad have me (asperger's,dyspraxic mental health issues) my twin brother is partially deaf (wears two hearing aids since childhood!) And totally blind my parents never guessed or imagined in their wildest dreams have two different individual seperate issues/needs they'd deal /manage/cope with on daily basis even with my mum's own mental health issues battling since we were babies but we've living proof it CAN be done yet work! Is a real working progress (challenge) lot of time with both of us in different ways it's hard work/effort but our parents have made us both independent ,stronger,tougher people in "our own right" not feel "sorry" for our "issues" just pick up carry on -like they've had NO choice/decision but to anyways!

Edited March 23, 2013 by trekster

[justine1]

My situation was that I had no idea about ASD at all when Sam got his dx age 6. When he got his dx and I read about ASD I could actually tick more boxes for Dan,aged 3.5 at the time,than for Sam! However,there were so many problems I was having with Dan at the time so I had already started seeking help for his eating and sleeping problems before being referred for ASD assessment. The other thing was as well as the fact he had a brother dx'd with ASD and that he is male, he was also born almost four weeks premature,so the HV were already suggesting he may have some development delay.

 

The same has to be said for Eli,now 4. He had complications at birth and again I was told when he was 2 weeks he may have delays coupled with two brothers being on the spectrum! I have not had as many difficulties with him as what I have been through with Sam and Dan...however a BIG part of me think prehaps this is because I have got so used to knowing how to avoid meltdowns and know what he likes etc that I have adapted to him from day one. He has okay speech,I would just say average,though he did take awhile not as long as Dan,at present his school have said he is very quiet as have other childminders and nursery in the past. They have also said he is slightly behind academically. He too has had issues with sleeping,only started sleeping though a coupld months ago and toiliting problems..still has with urine "accidents."

 

I personally think maybe you should address the main issue which from your post I am guessing its the speech. If however there are many things then go straight for ASD assessment. I am glad I went about it the way I did with Dan ie. dietician first,then play therapist etc, because when I eventually went for his ASD assessment they could see all avenues had been explored and all the other people he had said had written to the paed to say they believed he had development and behaviour issues.

You say about how hard work Jack is but if your other son is not as hard maybe there is not as much going on with him so he may not get a dx. Just that with Sam and Dan both of them wore me out so I knew both had something not quite right.

Even with my eldest son I see some ASD traits but he is 12 years old and copes well, overall I don't believe he does have ASD. It can become blurred when you suspect one has ASD reading up on it all its bound to make you see some similarities in more than one of your children.

 

What does your partner or others who know both boys think? I asked my brother and mother for their opinions as not only do they know my kids they have also both worked with kids,some of whom have had various special needs. Likewise with Eli,my current partner(not his father) has been around since he was age two and has commented on his odd behaviour and has also said prehaps I can't always see it because either I am in denial or its just behaviours I am used to having been living with it for 8 years now. I would have taken him for a dx age two as his then HV said it may be worthwhile but I made a decision to wait until he started school now I have his teachers to back me up so feel its going to be less challenging to look into assessment now. Just worth considering everything before thinking ASD straight away.

[Lyndalou]

First of all, whether or not your concerns amount to 'anything' in the longterm, they are valid concerns that you have every right to bring up with your HV. It may be that your 3 year old is just a bit delayed and will catch up with his speech development or it could be that he does have some kind of speech disorder or delay associated with ASD. Either way, if you can get a Speech Therapist involved as soon as is possible then it will aid his development.

 

I totally understand that you must be worried, especially as you are having such a hard time coping with Jack but it's maybe best to try to not get too ahead of yourself. Ask for advice - since Jack is currently undergoing assessment for ASD it is a perfectly understandable and appropriate thing to do if you are worried about your wee one's development - and if it is flagged up then the professionals are in the loop and they can advise if it's likely that he needs to be monitored. The fact that you are seeing possible similarities with Jack in itself could mean something but you have to also bear in mind that everyone with ASD has different difficulties to different extents.

 

<'> Lynda

[Noskcaj86]

He has developed pretty normally, and not like Jack! But recently he seems different, and of course him not speaking is a big worry to me. Hes not as difficult as Jack but hes trying to be more and more! Maybe its just the terrible 2s continuing now hes 3. First thing im doing is getting him a hearing test as hes not had one since 9months i think. Thanks