Needs some advice

[Arno]

Hello, sorry for the long post, but I have some problems, I would want to talk about.

So yesterday(Friday the first) I went to class, and we had a sales moment we needed to organize(that had given me alot of stress already). and my group was ofcourse not ready, we didn't bring anything with us and such.

And I was talking to the teacher, to ask if we couldn't arrange something. and then a group member was pretty negative and it was our faulth, and not his, I said, well, if you're so good at pointing people why didn't you bring anything? where he responded: Well, maybe you need to be more in the class? instead of always going out of the class?(My class is a chaos, they are really loud and nervous and sometimes I need a time out, and go to a room where I can calm down) I wanted to respond well, maybe you can take my authism and I will take your skin color and such. but I couldn't, I was so angry he responded in that way, I threw my table on the ground, I steped over it, where the teacher said "Arno?! What are you doing, sit down!" I said "Screw you!" and threw my bic at the teacher, lucky that I missed! and I was so nervous and angry I coudln't open a door anymore, so I saw only a single solution break the door down(wich I didn't!) I calmed down enough to open the door, and then I ran to the private room to calm down, but now I don't want to show my face in class anymore, because I am scared they are going to hate me or that they are going to be scared

 

Can anybody give me his/her opinion on this?(I already talked to someone in my class via facebook, and he responded that I don't need to be afraid to come in class, but I don't believe him )

 

Thanks!

-Arno

[oxgirl]

I know it's difficult, but the longer you leave it the harder it will get. If I were you, I'd try to hold my head up, take a deep breath and just walk in and face it, get it over and done with. You could always go up to certain people quietly and just say, casually, 'sorry about the other day, bit of a bad day' or something and then just carry on as normal. Once you've faced it and got it over with people will soon settle down and forget it and you can all get back to normal.

 

Good luck.

 

~ Mel ~

[Arno]

I know it's difficult, but the longer you leave it the harder it will get. If I were you, I'd try to hold my head up, take a deep breath and just walk in and face it, get it over and done with. You could always go up to certain people quietly and just say, casually, 'sorry about the other day, bit of a bad day' or something and then just carry on as normal. Once you've faced it and got it over with people will soon settle down and forget it and you can all get back to normal.

 

Good luck.

 

~ Mel ~

 

Thanks, but sunday I heard I am suspended for 10 days, 10 days? for not even hitting people??? I just want to go to school and say "Well, its the second school I went to, and now i'm punished because I had one angry moment in more then 500 days???? Well, just imaging, how life as somebody with ASD is? You can't! Its hard, and I thanks for making the step pressure even higer to get back to school "

[Lyndalou]

Can anyone go with you into school Arno to speak about this suspension? Could your parents arrange something with the teacher of the class or the Headteacher? I can understand that you are very upset about this but have your problems with the class (the chaos and noise) ever been fully discussed with the school. I warrant a guess that it was more that you appeared very aggressive and became quite violent (towards the door) that has landed you with a suspension EVEN THOUGH you feel fully vindicated for becoming so angry.

 

Often, we become angry because we are trying to keep in check all of our emotions, get confused about why we are getting so upset and like you, if you are trying to get away and can't then things reach boiling point very quickly. Is there anything in writing that the school is meant to provide in order for you to be able to keep calm, concentrate and not become overly anxious?

 

The question still remains as to how to go back into that classroom after this episode and I absolutely agree with Oxgirl that sometimes you just have to fight the fear and face the difficult situation. However, I think you need to fully discuss your current problems with the school first. I have been in similar situations and it is terrifying but it often is the only way to learn to deal with it. I do think though that you would need to apologise to the teacher and the other student before any resolution can be made. This is not saying you were entirely in the wrong but all sides in a disagreement need to take responsibility for their own actions (even if other parties do not apologise) and this does not make you look weak, it actually shows that you are a strong person to address your own difficulties.

[Arno]

Can anyone go with you into school Arno to speak about this suspension? Could your parents arrange something with the teacher of the class or the Headteacher? I can understand that you are very upset about this but have your problems with the class (the chaos and noise) ever been fully discussed with the school. I warrant a guess that it was more that you appeared very aggressive and became quite violent (towards the door) that has landed you with a suspension EVEN THOUGH you feel fully vindicated for becoming so angry.

 

Often, we become angry because we are trying to keep in check all of our emotions, get confused about why we are getting so upset and like you, if you are trying to get away and can't then things reach boiling point very quickly. Is there anything in writing that the school is meant to provide in order for you to be able to keep calm, concentrate and not become overly anxious?

 

The question still remains as to how to go back into that classroom after this episode and I absolutely agree with Oxgirl that sometimes you just have to fight the fear and face the difficult situation. However, I think you need to fully discuss your current problems with the school first. I have been in similar situations and it is terrifying but it often is the only way to learn to deal with it. I do think though that you would need to apologise to the teacher and the other student before any resolution can be made. This is not saying you were entirely in the wrong but all sides in a disagreement need to take responsibility for their own actions (even if other parties do not apologise) and this does not make you look weak, it actually shows that you are a strong person to address your own difficulties.

Thanks for the words. After several call's with the school, I found out that they don't really punish me, they are giving me a period to rest and get my rails on track again, but I dont' know if that's the solution I needed, my class is still suportive against me, but aren't going to calmer or make less noise . I can't really say that they may not be a teenager, but its quite difficult to be so sensetive to sound or words...

 

And we are probaly going to school for a talk with the principal.

 

Thanks,

Arno

[oxgirl]

Good luck, Arno, hope things improve for you. At least after a break, it should all have been forgotten and everyone will have moved on by the time you go back.

 

~ Mel ~