ASD son not knowing when game is getting too rough

[Salbaggio]

I feel certain I can come here for some advice on how to cope with a particularly stressful situation at the moment so lots of thankyous in advance!

 

My 10 year old ASD son is a very gentle kind boy but I think he is having a rush of hormones because just lately his method of play is getting more and more boisterous and I am trying very hard to accept this as normal whilst at the same time supervise that he doesn't get carried away (obvious problems with knowing enough is enough) and hurt his younger brother or whatever child he is playing with.

 

The problem is at school where I am unable to supervise (sounding familiar?) There have been a few reports making their way back to me of younger children "attacking" ds then he "attacks" them back. My younger son is there and reports back to me that the younger children think it is fun and all just a game but still I have been worried and certain it will end in tears, literally.

 

As feared, a few months ago, ds was particularly stressed and when a younger child persisted with "attacking" him, ds lost his cool and hurt the younger child. Ds was so frustrated because he had followed all of the "rules" he had taken himself away from people, he was trying to do his breathing exercises, he asked the boy repeatedly to leave him alone, but nothing worked, he saw red and clonked him one. This was dealt with at the time to everyones satisfaction but the problem continues.

 

Yesterday the Dad of the younger boy had a "kind word" (holds up sarcasm sign!) with me in the playground, and pretty much told me that Ds had grabbed his boy, threw him on the ground and given him a nose bleed. After speaking to the school and my NT son who was there, you can probably guess that this version of events is not 100% accurate but it was again the "attacking" game ending in tears!

 

I am certainly feeling very emotional about it as I feel that Ds is being portrayed as some sort of bully but I guess the specific advice I would like is, how far do you go to manage situations like this? How much should I interfere? Boys were always scrapping when I was at school but does that make it acceptable? Should I get the school to monitor him closely at lunch time?

 

Any input would be gratefully received thank you xxxx

[trekster]

would he read the book 'when my autism gets too big'. it's about anger in younger children.

are there any boys who wont play the attacking game that he could be encouraged to play with instead? or an older more responsible boy giving him tips on how to stay away from trouble?

 

(edited to take out duplicate posts and for spelling)

Edited June 15, 2013 by trekster

[Salbaggio]

Hi Trekster, thank you for your reply.

 

Yes I think he would read the book that you suggest, I will look for a copy on Amazon.

 

I will ask my son's teachers if they can recommend an older boy who could help in the way that you suggest. I have observed that he likes to play with younger children because they are more likely to let him dictate how the game is played. Boys of his own age and older tend to expect some give and take, and my son struggles to see why he should let others have their own way in games too.

[trekster]

'circle of friends' is another idea where kids look after each other including the disabled child.

[Shnoing]

The school should have the pupils establish a "stop" sign which every one knows means "play ends here", same as you have it in martial arts. If it's an established rule, autistics will more likely accept it. (My son has learned such a thing in his "social learning class")