seanyboo14 Report post Posted July 22, 2013 Hi im Sean 22 years old from the UK. I was diagnosed 2 and half years ago with BPD and since been told that is wrong and 2 medical professionals believe i have aspergers. I have a 2 year old son who i dote on. Heres where things go wrong.. My partner left me a week ago after she found out i cheated. I regret doing it and have no understanding as to why i did. I have always had issues with controlling my emotions and so i get aggressive. I have never hit my ex but did get very volatile throwing things etc.. The only reason i can think i cheated is possibly due to the attention i was given. Just need people to talk to that wont judge me and understand my situation and can give me advice. I love my ex more than anything she helped me out through some very bad times. Thank you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ellie-chan Report post Posted July 22, 2013 Hi Sean, i can only imagine how difficult this must be for you and your ex. Talking about cheating is a hard thing to do so your very brave talking about it here, i believe you were vulnerable at the time you cheated and the attention you were given by this other person made you feel important, i know because whenever i'm given attention (even by a stranger) i feel happy. Try to talk to your ex about how you feel, but don't overwhelm her. Show her that you care through your son, look after him and show to him and your ex that you are a responsible and mature person. Your ex will be going through a lot of emotions at the moment, perhaps all she wants right now is a good friend and i think you can be that person. If you support and comfort each other, things will start to get better. Hope that helps Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
seanyboo14 Report post Posted July 22, 2013 Hi thank you for that. Unfortunately as things stand she will not talk to me, understandably so as i have hurt her so much. I do still see my son but have not seen her since this happened. I've tried telling her how i feel but she will not listen. I wish she would try and listen. I wiih things could be like they used to be. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ellie-chan Report post Posted July 22, 2013 I'm sorry to hear that, do you know anyone that she's close with? Maybe they could talk to her on your behalf and try to convince her to listen to you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
seanyboo14 Report post Posted July 22, 2013 Unfortunately not really. My family and her were close but obviously she wont talk to them. Her parents wont talk to me and i dont really know any of her friends. So im at a bit of a lose end at the minute. Never felt so low in all my life Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted July 23, 2013 Hello and welcome from another Liverpool fc supporter. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ellie-chan Report post Posted July 23, 2013 Unfortunately not really. My family and her were close but obviously she wont talk to them. Her parents wont talk to me and i dont really know any of her friends. So im at a bit of a lose end at the minute. Never felt so low in all my life Don't give up, everyone makes mistakes and you sound like a genuine person. Keep trying to contact her, go to great lengths to try and see her, then maybe she'll finally allow you to talk to her. I'm sorry i can't help you out more, it's just i've never been in your situation- all i can say is that though you may not see it now, however this turns out it will be a learning experience that will hopefully stop you from doing this in the future =) Talk to me as much as you like, remember that you are not alone and there are plenty of people who've had similar experiences to yours before. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
seanyboo14 Report post Posted July 23, 2013 Hello again. I have finally reached breaking point. I dissapeared yesterday i wanted to just hide myself away. The police were looking for me and i got scared so went back to my mum. My ex then text me saying i wasnt worried and f**k you. Need some serious help. Cant keep going on like this. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ellie-chan Report post Posted July 23, 2013 I'm very worried for you, you sound really down- but you know that there are people here who you can talk to. Running away is a common reaction to difficult situations, i can tell you don't feel comfortable at home because it makes you think about bad things, i've been down and had thoughts like that too. I've even wanted to run away, like you did. There are different things that make each of us feel better in times like this, what makes you feel better? Maybe a good movie or song, or you could go to a friends house and chill out, something that may not necessarily take the pain away but could help relax you a little =) As with what your ex said, try not to take it to heart, she's probably feeling very upset and confused- it will take her a while to calm down. Have you considered talking to a Councillor? Their services are confidential and you can talk about anything you like (from my own experience they are good at helping people deal with emotions). Obviously you don't have to, but if you want i could search for some near your area. Believe it or not, you're handling this very well. You went to your mum when you thought you couldn't cope, you're talking to me about your problems (which is very brave) and most people wouldn't even have the strength to do these things. My father told me that whenever he felt low, he thought about his children- you could try thinking about your son, because he is clearly precious to you and it could help you find a purpose to life when there doesn't seem to be one. Keep talking to me and other people, and let your emotions out- everyone on this site is here for you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
seanyboo14 Report post Posted July 23, 2013 I really appreciate how kind you are being. The only thing that made me feel better was me my ex and our son going on. bike ride together. I am in no fit state to look after him at present. I cant talk to a councillor as i have a major fear of talking face to face with people that i dont know so i couldnt even go anyway. Finding it very difficult to get a diagnosis due to my age and the fact that every one we speak to seems to not care. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ellie-chan Report post Posted July 23, 2013 I think it's really positive that you've been on bike rides with your son in the past, as it shows you're a great father. Remember that your son loves you and wants you in his life, and it's clear to me that you love him too. I've noticed that you like wrestling, perhaps you could meet up with some friends and watch some tournaments of it on TV, sometimes it is a good way of coping. Also, because you like Liverpool FC you could buy tickets to go and see them, or you could be creative and think of your ultimate football team (which players you would have if you were their manager ect.). Because you like tattoos you could design some on Liverpool FC and wrestling. It can be hard talking to people you don't know, but there is online help too. You could talk to a Councillor anonymously over the internet and get professional help that way, also there will be group sessions where you are that offer support. This means you won't be alone talking to just one person, and everyone there will be understanding and willing to offer advice and share their own stories. There may be people on this site who go to group sessions near you, so help is never far away. As for your pending diagnosis, there are people who care- it just depends who you speak to. In the past i've found some doctors and medical experts to be more helpful than others, it will be different for everyone. Try and search around on the internet and you could find the help you need. Talking to anyone (even family and friends) can be scary. I've found that writing things down is a good way to get things off your chest, you could write a diary (doesn't have to be big) about your feelings, when your mood changes and what triggers negative emotions. Other than that, if things get really bad imagine that you are in your favorite place, where nothing bad is near you and you are safe doing the things you love. People have different ways of coping, and you know yourself better than anyone else does so take some time out for yourself and think of how you can cope with this. Give credit to yourself; you've brought a healthy, beautiful baby boy into the world- and having your own child to love and protect is one of the most precious things in the world =) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
seanyboo14 Report post Posted July 23, 2013 You are a very intelligent person. Unfortunately i dont have amy friends at all so thats a no go. I like drawing so maybe i'll spend some time doing that. I just seem to be getting passed backwards and forwards with the medical professionals none of which seem to 'know where can help'. I'm determined to get myself some help though so i can be a better father and a good person. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted July 23, 2013 Have you asked your GP to refer you to the Liverpool Asperger team for a diagnosis? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
seanyboo14 Report post Posted July 23, 2013 I dont live in Liverpool, but my GP says no where in the uk do adult diagnosis. Even though it is a legal requirement that adults get access to diagnosis for aspergers. At present i am getting every councillor and psychiatrists from my local mental health hospital on the case to try and sort something Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted July 24, 2013 Sorry misunderstood your location. Your GP is wrong you can get a diagnosis if there is a 'shared care agreement' between one county and another then you can be referred out of county on the NHS. Have you tried emailing the NAS asking if they can help you? They might tell you where your nearest ASD support/social group is or what department diagnoses ASD in your county. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
seanyboo14 Report post Posted July 24, 2013 I shall give it a go now. Thank you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites