Anorexic Tendencies

[BelLocke]

In the time I've known my husband, his weight has changed a lot. When we first met, he used to want to be a wrestler, so he would lift weights and eat a lot of protein to build up his muscles. After suffering from a knee injury, however, he went the completely opposite direction and lost a ton of weight. Nowadays, he's really thin but in a healthy way. I make sure he eats regular meals, and he exercises regularly as it's a part of his job; however, mentally, I know he's anything but healthy.

He's constantly obsessing about his weight. Whenever he gets a chance, he's in front of a mirror, pinching and prodding at himself and pointing out his "gut" which most definitely does not exist. In his own words, he won't be happy until his stomach curves inwards. He has good days and bad ones. This week is a bad week; he's absolutely convinced himself that he's suddenly gained a ton of weight, despite the fact that I'm extremely out of shape and I can literally lift him up in my arms with very little effort and carry him around! A lot of it he says has to do with being teased as a child, but his childhood traumatized him so much that he refuses to talk to me about it, so I can't even help him overcome those issues if I wanted to.

Anyway, I suppose I'm here to ask if anybody else has experienced issues with their own weight and body image? Do you have ways of overcoming it? What helps you feel better? What makes you feel worse? No amount of praise and reassurance seems to help in my case, so I'm just wondering whether I'm approaching this the wrong way.

[Sally44]

My son has OCD and that is also grouped together with Anxiety Disorders and Body Dysmorphic Disorder and is also connected to eating disorders - which are often co-morbid with those diagnosed as on the spectrum.

 

It is most likely a mental health issue, as are eating disorders, because, as you point out, your partner is not seeing their body as it is. And stomachs should curve out normally, not in. So they are obsessing about it and having compulsions which maybe to exercise, or reduce or even stop what they are eating.

 

He needs to see his GP and get a referal. I think an organisation such as "MIND" might be able to give you some advice on where to go and what to ask for and what to expect in terms of professional therapy.

 

My own son is 13, so he is under CAHMS [child and adolescent mental health services].

 

Your partner needs some kind of therapy, and may need some medication too. It is likely he is highly anxious, and there maybe things in his past that are effecting his behaviour now. But generally cognitive behavioural therapy is the therapy with the most clinical evidence of having a positive effect.

 

He sounds seriously underweight if you can lift him. My partner is quite thin and I could not pick him up.

[BelLocke]

He's actually a pretty healthy weight at the moment, unless he's been fibbing to me! He used to be a lot thinner, with a much more gaunt looking face, which was pretty frightening at the time; he's improved since we've started living together.. Obviously though, it's a very fine line, and I try to encourage him to eat when I can. What doesn't help is that he's actually a fitness professional, which puts nonexistant pressure on him to look "as good" as the other employees (who are ten times less healthy than he is, anyway)... Very strange career for someone with autism, but when people told him to do something he enjoyed when he went to college, he took it literally and headed straight for the gym.

You are spot on regarding the anxiety. He is very anxious most of the time, and I'm trying to get him to explore some options to get better. The last doctor we saw was no help at all. We're moving house soon though, so we'll have to give our new doctors a try and see where it goes.

Edited June 2, 2014 by BelLocke