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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
Mr Salvador

A-Hole (Asperger hole)

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Im not sure if it was meant as a euphemism when my gf first said this to me, but basically shes talking about when I go off on one.

 

I don't know if im alone in doing this, but my gf has tried to put into words I understand to describe how I am when I go off like that.

 

Its the anxiety thing, I don't know why or really what it is half the time why I get started, but the heart starts racing first, then I march about and pace and it gets me more wound up, im frustrated about something and don't often even know what, I cant sit still and a kind of rage-blindess happens when I just rant at full speed not stopping for air and just rant and moan and raar raar raar. Its weird and I hate it, I feel bad for my loved ones because they acuse me of just being a [expletive].

 

Once its got this far I cant hear anyone properly or listen to reason and they usually have to get serious with me and TELL me to go take my diazepam and go away and smoke and do my thing (I play RTS games and it bringsme back down to earth)

 

She calls this an A-hole, like she'll talk to me again when im 'not in a A-hole', I mean I guess shes trying to make a joke about my bad behaviour making a euphemism about the 'A' being the expletive she wouldn't ever say when im in that place.

 

I don't even know whats its all about half the time its weird, I guess not feeling like everyone else and being 'differrent' has its tolls and I guess people mock me even when they say they not and its frustrating, I dunno. hard to put into words.

 

just wondered if anyone else does this?

 

and if there is such a thing a positive a-hole?

 

I also find myself becoming disconnected more so from the outside world when I am deep into a subject im really keen on. like just now I replied again in a post about 'Autism and Humankind' and found myself getting a kind of hunger or desire for 'more input!' I get deeper into the rabbit hole and proper get stuck into things and realise hours later how much time ive been 'geeking out' or 'in a sort of a-hole' as my gf describes it. where nobody could talk to me if they tried because im doing that thing again

 

This time only 2.5 hours but I was enjoying it.

 

I wasn't aware of a lot of my traits before I met this gf last year. she is helping me notice. she is amazing and see's the real me.

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oxgirl   

I used to get like this a lot when I was younger, raging and feeling out-of-control like I just couldn't get a hold of myself and control myself. It would get so bad, I'd smash things and hurt myself and I didn't even know really how it had started or come about but seemed to always stem from some sort of frustration or feeling of lack of control or inability to change something or express myself which led to uncontrollable rage. You don't say how old you are, but with me it certainly got a lot better as I got older. I think you just learn to get a hold of yourself more as you get older and mature.

 

What I found did really help as I got older was that I started to recognise what would set me off and I could learn to stop before I got past the point of no return. For instance, I am obsessed when it comes to hovering, once I start the job I have to complete the task in a particular order and if I should be interrupted or unable to complete the routine, I just could not cope. Once the hoover actually broke down when I was halfway through my routine. I couldn't cope, I didn't know how to cope and ended up having the most enormous meltdown and injuring myself quite badly. I went on for hours and just didn't know how to stop. Now I'm much better at walking away before I get to the point when I know I won't be able to come back and it's just something you have to learn by experience and it does make life an awful lost easier and less stressful when you do learn it.

 

~ Mel ~

Edited by oxgirl

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I am 35, and only found out about Asperger recently, I always knew I was different but I guess might have been in denial or trying to hide it so I could fit in.

 

I guess people's ignorance and attitude toward me is one factor. people think I look normal so there must be nothing wrong with me, and tell me to stop acting like a child, and mock me for not being able to understand things that are meant to 'be read between the lines'

 

I also get obsessive about a lot. I have already worked out the most efficient ways of doing things and if people are trying to do things differently it stresses me out. for example my artistic flare comes out in cooking and gardening and fixing things. if someone else wants to cook the next day and does it all wrong it sets me off, why would they want to do it any other way but the best way??

 

my mind wants to swear now but my fingers wont don't worry, when I think about the stress like now, it makes me anxious and 'feel' the stress of someone doing it all wrong?! confusing huh. but it seems that little things set me off and I hate it

 

sorry about the meltdown, the hoover breaking half way must have been nightmare, doesn't your aspie fix things?

 

one of my major stresses is broken things. my mind has already fixed it a number of times and it frustrates me until ive fixed it. often my hands cant move fast enough and I cant find tools so when I fix it in real life its much slower and just need to hurry up and fix!

 

however fixing things calms me down so its something I just have to do

 

so yes im 35 but always knew I was different. it wasn't till my sister spoke to my estranged mother in 2007 that they discussed 'if she missed something with me' and then I was in denial until last year really when I met my gf. she works in mental health and there wasn't any hiding anything from her. she confirmed what my sister had suggested but loved me anyway so I have spent only a year now understanding my real self.

 

its all new to me but makes perfect sense and understanding and acceptance is helping me calm down loads

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Livelife   

Recognition of the trigger points is the most important thing we can do but with that said a lot of the potential triggers are caused by others not recognising the specific ways we do things.

It's not as if what we do is actually wrong or ineffective in a lot of ways what I do is more productive and logical and actually quicker in time because I do what needs to be done at the time and without interruption or distraction.

The fact is it's not the way NTs would have us do it, for no other reason than it doesn't comply with their way of thinking but because it's them they know best it's that simple to them.

We have strengths and weaknesses I recognise that but where we are able and a lot of times excell at the task we should be given credit for achievement on merit not labeled because of a diagnosis.

Getting agitated or routeens or specific sensory issues is apart of autism but left alone speaking personally I can manage to a degree the trouble begins when somebody tries to force me into doing something that is simply impossible for me to do.

All that is needed is for NTs to tolerate our way of living and for us to tolerate their ways when they seem strange to us as they do to me very often.

But that is not the way a lot of people see it it's us that must conform and it's simply not a viable option, I wonder how much better our lives would be and for others around us if they just let us be the individuals we are it's like they are trying to eradicate a way of life like they did with the native tribes of America or Australia or in fact anywhere else where people are more individual.

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Thanks. I do recognise some of the trigger points.

 

as you say

 

Getting agitated or routeens or specific sensory issues is apart of autism but left alone speaking personally I can manage to a degree the trouble begins when somebody tries to force me into doing something that is simply impossible for me to do.
All that is needed is for NTs to tolerate our way of living and for us to tolerate their ways when they seem strange to us as they do to me very often.

 

One of my trigger points is having my routine changed, I hate it so much either we've made plans why change it?! or at work, they tell they need 3 machines built by fting the same part to each machine so as to save time...but oooh no...they had a whappy because they've 'never had 3 machines in the bay who does he think he is, superman?!'

 

I got so stressed, why wouldn't they want me to make corrections to the process and fetch parts myself? so apparently people awere meant to wait for the supervisor to see them not working and find out why and fetch parts. so if im the one covering the supervisor and he's off getting drunk or smoking in the paint boothe?

 

so I went about my own little way and got into the parts room quite easily and found my own bits, its like they were complaining because I wasn't behind on my builds?? I don't get this at all...like they hate me for being capable?? building machines is excellent for me, mihaeal has said she can do this aswell, by seeing 3d in our minds and being able to spoin it round and manipulate the schematics so we can see what goes where inside and out.

 

NT's don't recognise these skills and only want it done their way even if the build time falls way way behind

 

the salesmen were telling they could have it by Friday and it wasn't even started till Thursday, the paint doesn't dry in time and when we have to put it together with fingerprints in the paint and blemishes and no signiature on the documents!

 

oh my days, as you can imagine I couldn't avoid this so I had to find my own way into the locked offices to complain, this made my blood boil

 

poor quality poor process poor effort all round except the agency aspie who earnt 30% less than the others who did nothing

 

I need to also find somewhere who wants to me to excel, and gives me space to do so in my own way. im not bothered if they been doing it that for 20 years its NOT working! so what if ive only been here 2 weeks, I can see the errors you're making! I complained to the general manager and he said he liked me and I was right but there was a way of doing things and that wasn't the way.

 

even he didn't seem bothered to make the system work, so why should I???

 

one day I will find somewhere who wants my mind and I should imagine when I feel 'needed' in that way I shine like a star. even the fully fledged engineers asked me to help because they know I don't see the problems I only see the way around. im excellent at problem solving, just lame with spelling and m,aking sentaces/ paragraphs make perfect sense to normski's

 

hows that for a trigger point? any way around it before complete acceptance in society happens?

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Livelife   

That's the way somebody who is NT thinks, they don't or can't see the logic of being logical and if something is has been done some way for awhile they have difficulty in changing it even when fact and evidence shows there to be a more efficient way of doing things and provide a better service.

Self respect and personal pride in your work comes second to regimental procedures because they believe making money and profit is all there is in this capitist society even when they actually could make more money or gain a better reputation by thinking just a little differently.

We the worker are not supposed to think have ideas or opinions which is why the education system is the way it is preparing mindless conforming individuals with little freedom of thought or expression.

It's very frustrating I know but it's the price anyone with an ability and free mind has to suffer, it could be that certain people see you as a threat to their positions because you have good ideas and can achieve things better than they can, it would be in their interest to make you into something your not.

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Yes they do see me as a threat. My problem is that senior management are the ones worrying for their position so im really up against it when it comes to employment.

 

I need an employer who is excited about offering me limitless potential so I can shine

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Livelife   

Yes they do see me as a threat. My problem is that senior management are the ones worrying for their position so im really up against it when it comes to employment.

I need an employer who is excited about offering me limitless potential so I can shine

I hope you find what your looking for, you do have a specific skill that will be appreciated by the right employer and with luck you will achieve that dream. Good luck.

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Thankyou. I'm still exploring what people mean by special skills.

 

I've spent 35 years just being 'different' im still working out what I can do that others can't. I know I have a lot to offer employers or friends, I just don't seem to choose the right words when im talking to NT's. I get frustrated that they don't understand what im saying, and when I try to use words they might understand I just end up looking like a stressed out know it all.

 

I'm hoping that proper diagnosis and talk on here and other places with other aspire, that I will understand both myself better, and understand the 'differences' in me so I can both adapt to NT interactions and to 'sell the benefits' to them better at interview.

 

Good luck to us all

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Aspie's not aspire, stupid phone

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Mihaela   

I only discuss my special interests with others who share the same or similar interests. I've found that there's little point in discussing them with people who obviously aren't interested. I can usually sense this after a while. My interest in many issues is intense and passionate. Most people lack that passion, and trying to get through to them is stressful - and not worth the effort.

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Livelife   

I am a little confused with having to adapt or needing adaptations I think there is a distinct difference and a very important point would be worth discussing.

I need adaptions to the excepted life styles that most people take for granted everyday, I don't always agree with them or understand them but to a point to function with the masses there is little choice but to try.

But adapting to fit in would imply that I would be changing my traits or rejecting what I am for others to except me either in the workplace or society in general. I want adaptions the same as a disabled driver would have an adapted car so they could drive or somebody who was deaf may learn to lip read. Each one is a vital adaption that they need to give them a quality of life and this would approach be exceptable to most people they wouldn't complain about this or openly criticise the fact they needed that help.

Then when you approach the topic of Autism unless you change your personality operate in a way that is identical to an NTs then there is in most cases a problem that somebody will have with that person.

So it's not an adaption to function they need you to adapt to a different way of being living your life or you need a mentor or a certificate from your doctor to show your capable of managing in work.

Would they ask for that certificate or confirmed ability to work from a deaf Person or somebody who needed an aid in the office to say they are safe. Unlikely but for me being autistic it's apparently nessesary because somebody who doesn't know me believes I am incapable just because of this diagnosis.

I managed in work for thirty years without one and yet now I need doctors support to show I'm capable.

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Livelife   

Sorry I've gone off ranting again I get so frustrated and everything seems to be revolving around this topic at the moment.

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Would they ask for that certificate or confirmed ability to work from a deaf Person or somebody who needed an aid in the office to say they are safe. Unlikely but for me being autistic it's apparently nessesary because somebody who doesn't know me believes I am incapable just because of this diagnosis.

I managed in work for thirty years without one and yet now I need doctors support to show I'm capable.

 

a perfect example of how people can be discriminated against. so much attention is given to ethnic minorities, homosexuals and the like... if someone were to be discmissed from work for being gay or black there would be uproar!

 

such a shame we are made to fel that we have to conform. the major cause of the stress I have had in my life, and also one of the reasons why I regress from society

 

I know you have posted about issues surrounding honesty about autism, but I feel that it is the right way to go, so that we can help to pave the way for other in the future to have good life and not suffer discrimination as we have. it was only 10-15 years ago that being gay was 'wrong' now look at them go on their rainbow marches. it was only 30-50 years ago that being black meant 2nd class now look at at the American president.

 

we got to push for equality and understanding so that we don't get branded 'aggressive' just because we've got frustrated not understanding they way something has been explained.

 

I have always asked a lot of questions trying to understand things, my parents for example took this for being disruptive and naughty which led to my frustration which led to punishment which I thought was cruel and un necessary, as contrary to their beleief, this was NOT my fault.

 

and as for your rant, please feel free, I have had plenty on here and haven't had bad feedback yet

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Livelife   

a perfect example of how people can be discriminated against. so much attention is given to ethnic minorities, homosexuals and the like... if someone were to be discmissed from work for being gay or black there would be uproar!

 

such a shame we are made to fel that we have to conform. the major cause of the stress I have had in my life, and also one of the reasons why I regress from society

 

I know you have posted about issues surrounding honesty about autism, but I feel that it is the right way to go, so that we can help to pave the way for other in the future to have good life and not suffer discrimination as we have. it was only 10-15 years ago that being gay was 'wrong' now look at them go on their rainbow marches. it was only 30-50 years ago that being black meant 2nd class now look at at the American president.

 

we got to push for equality and understanding so that we don't get branded 'aggressive' just because we've got frustrated not understanding they way something has been explained.

 

I have always asked a lot of questions trying to understand things, my parents for example took this for being disruptive and naughty which led to my frustration which led to punishment which I thought was cruel and un necessary, as contrary to their beleief, this was NOT my fault

and as for your rant, please feel free, I have had plenty on here and haven't had bad feedback yet

There is a contradiction I suppose because if your honest and state your autistic then you are open to discrimination and accusations it doesn't matter if your personal abilities are more than capable to achieve your aims.

This with a lot of people make them very cautious about being honest with people so encourage them not to tell the truth through fear of persecution but like you said quite rightly if we don't then nothing will change and future generations will have to endure living with discrimination throughout their lives.

Like you said you were punished because you were not understood how many others have experienced this its just not right or exceptable. One person can't change the world on what they think and how they treat autistic people, all we can do is stay proud not because we have the label of autism but because we are individuals the same as anyone else.

As you said things have changed within the black communities and for homosexuals ok nothing's perfect but things have moved forward from how they were in the past.

It's another group hoping for equality in cruel world, all we can do is keep going forward and not give up trying to achieve equal rights.

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you're right there is condriction in my thoughts regarding this. I think that is something that troubles me a lot as I am trying to work out what is right and wrong. for if they are wrong I will stick to my guns and not change for anyone, but if I am wrong then I must see the error in my ways and be better. This is not meaning that I feel I 'should' hide myself, its just because as you've said before its become the socially accepted norm, trying to be this has caused me great upset feeling forced to do

 

I don't like discrimination of any kind, I know it exists but cannot see the logic behind it.

 

I stand by what I said about searching for acceptance, its painful having to lie about things and pretend to be 'normal' but we should not hide

 

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, concerned citizens can change world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead

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