crisis

[frankie]

Hi

 

I am 53 years old and and am certain I have AS. I'm typing this in secret while my family is in the other room. it's like I've been given a key that will unlock a room to understanding my whole unbelievable life up until now but I'm feeling scared about facing it. I've been to my doctor who to request a formal diagnosis and he was receptive and I offered to find a clinic that would do it. This was amonth ago but I've done nothing. My marriage is teetering and we're going to Relate at the moment to try and resolve things. I dare not mention AS because I feel the whole edifice of my life which now seems to be based on copying what other people do, would crumble and fall. I know I must go back to the doctoe but I'm feeling very confused and scared but of course I'm keeping that hidden.

If anyone want's to talk I would be so grateful.

 

thanks

Frankie

[nellie]

Welcome to the forum Frankie

 

My husband was diagnosed with AS a few years ago, like you he felt he had been given a key that unlocked a room to understanding, I'm pleased to say that things have gone from strength to strength. It wasn't just my husband who found the key, I was very relieved to know why my husband was different from others.

 

You are the same person you were before you discovered Asperger syndrome but at least you have a better understanding of yourself.

 

Hope the following helps.

 

A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR PEOPLE WITH AS

A Survival Guide by Marc Segar.

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=881

 

Tony Attwood website.

http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/

 

AS / Relationships and Marriage

Information on family relationships.

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=727

 

Nellie xx

[baddad]

Hi frankie -

Don't know if i can offer anything particularly helpful, because there seem so many layers to what you are feeling right now...

What I would say is that if you feel strongly that you may find some answers/explanations (and some degree of comfort, maybe?) from investigating your concerns about ASD, and you have a GP who is willing to help you with that - well, I think you'd be doing yourself a disservice not to take that opportunity...

If your concerns prove to be correct, and an official diagnosis is made it will not CHANGE who you are in any way, shape or form; you'll still be exactly the same frankie who has been around for the past 53 years, and nothing can challenge that.

If you think that ASD may be part of the problems you face in your marriage, you should focus on the fact that it would have been there from the start, and while there is a possibility that 'keeping up appearances' has had a compound effect creating new stresses, it is equally possible that you may have just drifted away from each other in the same way that thousands of others have, and lost sight of the things that brought you together in the first place...

If you are attending relate, it seems pointless to me, as an outside observer (and i know things may be far to complex for my POV to apply in your situation), to not raise any issues that might be worrying you. You and your partner cannot 'fix' anything if you are not both fully aware of all the things that need fixing.

If your situation is so fragile that you feel raising you concerns may cause irreperable damage, that would seem, sadly, to leave you little left to work with in the first place. I hope that doesn't come across as completely negative or unduly harsh, but i think the only other alternative (ie pretending to be what the other person wants rather than being who you feel you should be) would only compound your problems.

Very very best wishes, whatever you decide to do. This must be a very scary and isolating time for you, and i hope any decisions you make bring you some respite from that. One last thing i'd offer is that big decisions bring about the biggest changes in our lives, and sometimes the idea of change is more frightening than the reality. Changes that seem 'wrong' now can actually be changes for the better, but sometimes we need the benefit of hindsight to see the bigger picture.

L&P

BD

PS: just seen that nellie got here before me... she's a wise old thing, with direct experience of living with someone who came late to diagnosis... I'm sure her links will be very helpful to you.

Best again

BD