Carol Report post Posted August 11, 2005 Our eldest lad is our Aspie (14) (today ) and our middly lad is 13 ( well he will be on the 22nd) and our youngest lad is 12 ( In September) With the ages so close as you can imagine there is a lot of competition, jockying for position and our middly lad can be a bit confrontational and cheeky at times - we keep this in check but we are aware of it being part hormones , part the closeness in age and an attempt to assert himself as "top dog" in the pecking order - especially as our eldest does not have the same inclination for privilages iykwim? I know how hard it is being a middly child, and was ignored by my parents when I was growing up so I really really try hard to make sure that he gets that extra attention he needs - especially with having a very demanding brother. Anyhoo to cut the chase, for the last summer as well as the usual huffy "Kevin" behaviour - we have been very concerned about out lad getting more & more withdrawn - he was claiming so many "poorly days" for school that he actually got to the stage where he was saying his stomach was sore again and "no there is no problem with school, I am not struggling with my work & I am not being bullied" as we were quizzing him so much. He never leaves the house, does not want to do anything, and the more I think about it I wonder if he is actually a bit depressed because of all the aggression he has witnessed and very often been the brunt of - or is it just teenage angst? any insight anyone? thanks Carol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blue Report post Posted August 11, 2005 Carol, Hi! Joseph also has a big effect on his siblings....and quite often my daughter, who is approaching 14, gets the brunt of his actions. She sometimes goes within herself also....and it's no wonder......he treats her like a punch bag and is verbally abusive towards her an awful lot! The problem is we getted so bogged down with the challenges we face with our "challenging" children ....and sometimes can let the others slip a little.(which you have pointed out that you have made an effort not to do this) Another point is......at 13, your other son can see the problems you are experiencing...and maybe dosent want to add to these, hence the reason he tells you all's fine at school! If I was you...when he's back at school, I would make an appointment (without him knowing) to see his tutor....just to double check he's telling you the truth. The signs he is showing do seem to fit in with depression...not wanting to go out etc. Sometimes...you can be depressed and not even recognise it...another reason why he may say he's fine! It's hard to deal with if your son wont confide in you.....maybe a trip out for the day....just with him....will help him to relax enough to open up with you? Teenage years are hard enough........but if it's hormonal it will normally come and go......fine one minute.....down the next (as we women know with the time of the month ) Definatley needs looking at! The very best of luck....let me know how you go! Will be thinking of you Take care Lisa x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mom on a mission Report post Posted August 11, 2005 hi, im not sure i can be of any help as your son is in his teens but you have brought up a question myself and my husband have been discussing about our eldest a girl of 7 her brother whos 5 has asd and is very demanding and violent shes always seemed to accept this and hasnt been a problem but for the last few months she has begun to cry at the slightest thing , lock herself in her room and just seems very down ,she does often say you dont have time for me ! i try to do the best i can but with my husband working full time shifts and me surviving on 4 hours sleep and then having to control a very demanding and violent child my best just isnt good enough at the miniute with fighting education on top of it there isnt enough of me to go around i know she doesnt get the time she deserves but we do try to give her as much as we possibly can i wander if it is just the us not giving her enough time or is she suffering with depression its a tuff one we are not sure how to handle things at the moment so i know how you must feel also my daughter has started to copy some of my sons behaviour like not talking and just screaming, pinching herself , running off and throwing herself on the floor e.t.c i know that is attention seeking i just dont know how to handle it in case she is suffering with some depression aswell, who said life was easy! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted August 11, 2005 Hi <'> My eldest daughter bears the brunt of her AS brother's physical and verbal aggression We have found counselling at CAMHS very helpful for her. She also goes to a Siblings Group locally. Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Delyth Report post Posted August 11, 2005 Whatever the reason, you are right to be concerned. My eldest daughter plummetted into depression and self harm at a similar age. She resisted all my attempts to 'get to the bottom' of things so all I could do was 'hold her hand' until she found her own way through. 18 months later and I think she has...time will tell. Being aware and sensitive to your son's current emotional state might be as much as you can do. Teenagers are notoriously difficult to relate to. Wishing you well. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted August 14, 2005 My daughter is 13 and has suffered from depression on and off since she was about 10 (round about the time my son's were diagnosed). I hate to admit this but I recently read her diary and found out from that the severe 'eczema outbreaks' which she's had on her arms on and off for a year were actually her self harming. Obviously I haven't tackled her about this as I don't want to inflame the situation but since this discovery I've made a huge effort to spend more time with her and I've been watching her like a hawk and keeping her busy. Like you though I'm only one person and am already stretched to my limits. However, we haven't seen any more 'eczema' for a while and I'm sincerely hoping that we won't. All I can do is give her my time and hope! The first sign of anything else and I will have to tackle the problem head on... fingers crossed it won't come to this Lauren Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Carol Report post Posted August 14, 2005 thanks very much for everyones input it helps so much. he went to stay at a family friends house overnight & is at his nana's and has been to the zoo - I aso bought him loads from Donnay ( 70% off sale woo hoo) and have been trying really hard to be there for him ( for lack of a better way of putting it) although Delyth - yes hold his hand sums up what I am trying to do - he is a bit more of a daddy's boy so we are trying not to do overkill but are trying from both sides. i have been asking for ages for help for both his siblings - and we have another doc replacing the last one so I will ask again & our local autistic society does have sibling outings - but he is not interested at the moment. blue - good idea about speaking to the tutor - they are back at school on Tuesday so I am going to wait n see if the illness starts again & if so I will make an appointment with the school ( lol they will probably recognise my voice on the phone ) thanks again for all your thoughtful insights. Carol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
