Supporting obsession

[mina]

Hi all,

I have a son (22) who has ASD. He has a ritualistic obsession that he likes to do every day. It also  involves me. I understand that he needs that since it gives him a sense of security but I am not sure if I should go along with it or discourage it. It is a short clip from Come outside bbc series for children that he likes to copy, as a pretend game. I don’t find it hard to do that for him (I love him to bits and would do anything for him) but I am not sure if it is good for him in a long run. What are your thoughts? Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

Mina

[Moonlight]

Hi. I am 31y old, also with asd. It is a bit of a difficult question in the sense as we do not know him and what is important for him, but i would say it is correct that ritual/like behaviours are usually caused by an attempt to create a predictable environment with specific known actions, in a form of stress management. The choice of action can be changed, obviously, but should come from a decision of his own. personally id suggest to think the topic through and discuss it with him, why is this activity important to him, what is positive about it, and what is not so positive about it, and raise your concern that while you understand this is something he likes and makes him feel better, that you think in long run its not a good thing to be doing continuously as an adult and maybe discuss looking into some other things he may like doing instead that wouldnt be something that would have so much impact on others around him in the future(or any other outcome you may have in mind Keep in mind that unless theres a drastic change in current environment, the need for something ritualised like this wont go away, and is simply likely to be replaced by somehting sort of similar in its basic nature in regarding to the function it fulfills). But definetly give it some time to process and figure it out, rather than cause any abrupt changes.

It may help to also ask his opinion(without pushing yours on them) what he would think if the neighbor started doing something similar or one of his peers, if he saw them doing something like this,  especially a role play of some other childrens series he doesnt like as much. And what does he think they would think of him if they saw it. And draw a parralel that anyone outside the family may feel the same regarding his behaviour (if his opinion is similar to reality). this approach may cause some self complex and insecurity, while trying to work it through and find something else he would be comfortable with, but can work as a quick catalyst in a change of behaviour regarding it

Edited September 8, 2021 by Moonlight