smiley Report post Posted November 8, 2005 Hiya, I need a bit of advice... There is a boy in M's year who can be a real bully. Although he's not in M's class they spend some mornings together as the two classes in Y2 are mixed together for Numeracy and Literacy. He has been bullying M (and everyone else!) since YR, but this year M's differences have made him much more of a target. In the classroom is it controled - the lad is kept away from the boys. But in the play ground it's a different matter. - This was the child who was punching M in the stomach and saying 'It tickles M, remember??'. M was getting very confused, took it literally and kept saying a boy was tickling and he didn't like it - i didn't realise what was happening until i witnesed it after school one day. This is all compounded by the fact that sometimes M approaches him, i think he finds him facinating, he tells me '***'s face is scrunched up' (he means cross). So the teacher has jumped on this and has said, M is asking for most of the trouble... I understand that M will put himself into a situation that will cause him trouble - he just doesn't see it - and will do it time and time again... I've tried the other angle - asking the school what help they are providing the child (he does have a very sad background) - they have just said 'mum doesn't want the help'. Any ideas??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phasmid Report post Posted November 8, 2005 This is all compounded by the fact that sometimes M approaches him, i think he finds him facinating, he tells me '***'s face is scrunched up' (he means cross). So the teacher has jumped on this and has said, M is asking for most of the trouble... I understand that M will put himself into a situation that will cause him trouble - he just doesn't see it - and will do it time and time again... Of course M will put himself in this situation over and over again, he doesn't realise he is doing so - that's because of his ASD! You need to tell them this! Make them fully aware that M cannot read the social cues being given out by this child. Remind them of the 'tickling' incidents and tell them that M can be easily confussed by this child who has already shown that he is able to manipulate M so it appears he is 'playing' with him (toying with him is a better description!). M is unable to see this as part of his ASD related difficulties means he is desperate for friends but he is unable to realise that this behaviour is NOT friendship. I've tried the other angle - asking the school what help they are providing the child (he does have a very sad background) - they have just said 'mum doesn't want the help'. I'm very sorry if this sounds cruel but the other childs problems are no excuse for being allowed to do this. I'd expect them to be putting in as much effort with this child as I would yours. For both their sakes they need to be watched so that things do not get out of hand, this includes on the playground as well as in the classroom. If they are aware that there are issues here they must address them. If they don't they have got to expect 'something' to give sooner or later. A 'sit back and do nothing' attitude is not acceptable. the mum of the other child may not 'want' any help but that ought not stop them from addressing this, whether she likes it or not. So, inform them (in writing) of your concerns and ask them to inform you what they intend to do to deal with it. HTH Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phasmid Report post Posted November 8, 2005 In fact, ask for copies of both the behaviour/discipline and SEN policies and see what is said re: Bullying and children with SEN. If they are not following their own policy...hang them with it! If they are compare them with the LEAs model policies and see if they match or the LEAs is worded better and go for them that way. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
puffin Report post Posted November 9, 2005 I have also had to deal with problems similar to this (Death threats thread). I think that you must take this up with the school and go to the head if the class teacher doesn't want to take it seriously. It is very easy for AS/ASD children to be manipulated. I have also had similar experiences where M has been taken advantage of in this way. I think that you shoul show you child what the difference between tickling and punching really is - and that if this other boy punches him - then he must call for help. I think that AS children sometimes do seek out the bully - especially when the staff are not taking sufficient action. M aslo did this with her bully - in her mind if they could be "friends" then this girl would stop hurting/threatening to kill her. He may not be able to understand the probability of the bully repeating the abuse either. The teacher is showing her total lack of understanding expecting an ASD child to have the social skills to solve this problem. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted November 9, 2005 Thank you for your replies. <'> I knew what i was hearing from M's teacher was a load of ****, but sometimes you just need someone else to tell you your right.... Ho-hum another letter Thanks for getiing me all again xxxxxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Canopus Report post Posted November 14, 2005 A good website about bullying http://www.bullyonline.org/schoolbully/index.htm Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
