how to handle a critical 'freind'.

[anxiousmom]

I have a 'freind' who always manages to upset me and make me a nervous wreck. Recently I just can't shake it. I want her to forget all about me and fade into the past like many of my other freinds but she's hanging on... even said I was her best freind. how'd I manage that/?

 

Now I don't know I have AS... maybe I don't. but my son has and I seem to share a lot of the traits shown in adult AS sufferrers. I always seem to upset her without knowing - all over her one minute then ignoring the next. I shut myself off and she doesn't see me for ages but then resents me for seeing other people. To her I look like I have a massive social life but really I just feel I get pulled from one place to another and really have no idea where I'll end up.

 

Problem I have is that I'm scared of what I'll do next... or what I've already done and just don't know it yet. If I mention AS to her she'll think it's just another of my obsessions and laugh it off... or worse then take it upon herself to excuse me for my rudeness due to it... I can imagine "Well okay I don't suppose you'd have been able to tell you'd upset me" or "so that's why we fall out... it explains it all you not being emphatic and all".

 

Why is this so hard? I'm I clinging to a doomed freindship as I seem to lose them all so easily. I so long for the anonimity I had in a big city.... village life is a real strain!

 

 

After a recent 'incident' I've had caller display fitted and have really been avoiding her. When she finally managed to confront me I'm all feeble and yessing and noing all over the place. She tells me she look on me as her 'best' freind and then goes on to list all the things I do or have done that upset her

[mossgrove]

I don't know your friend, but I would hesitate to assume that the problem lies with you.

 

Friends do need to be honest with each other, but they should also know that constant crisitcisms of the person you are friends with is not the answer either. Are you sure it is not the case that she is behaving inappropriately and taking offence where there is no offence to be taken?

 

Simon