school again

[tracey]

I posted last week saying I could not get my daughter to go to school

since then it had been very hit and miss in one day off two

At the moment she will not get up at all in a morning she finds it difficult to

get to sleep so I know shes tired

was adviced from afew of you to contact the education welfare officer which I

did today they will contact me tomorrow

It seems to me theres one problem after another the school work issues have

been sorted the friendship issues are getting sorted now she wont get out of bed

I feel at the moment the only road to go down is home tutoring if I can get this

the thing is she will then be isolated from her friend at school

Shes been struting about with an I dont care I can do what I like attitude

then sometimes I feel shes miserable I just want her to be happy at the same time I

cant let her have her own way all the time

I have even said about residential school although it was more of a threat

it does make me wonder if it might do her good

Any advice anyone as im losing my mind

Tracey

[Kathryn]

Hi Tracey,

 

I know you've posted about this before, as have I! I can only sympathise. My daughter has always been late to bed and has had problems getting up in the morning. When she was at school, severe anxiety was keeping her awake most of the night, but even now that she is at college and happier, it is still a struggle to get her up and out the door by 9.10 am. In addition to AS, she has a condition which causes muscle fatigue and makes her more tired than she would normally be, so she only goes three days a week, this gives her some rest days in between to recover and so far it's working reasonably well.

 

I'm sure you've done all you can at home to address the sleep issues; could there still be underlying problems at school which are causing stress, so that she can't get to sleep? I found that school made so many demands on my daughter it took all her energy just to get through a normal day and the exhaustion she felt was very real - she just seemed to need more sleep to recover.

 

Perhaps if you don't want to withdraw her altogether, you could discuss with the school whether part time attendance might work for the time being? This could be combined with home tuition.

 

More questions than answers - sorry! but I can only offer <'> <'> . I really do know how draining this situation can be, day after day, when you have to try and motivate your child to start the day.

 

K xx

[tracey]

Thanks for your reply Kathryn

I have just spoke to my daughter and she expressed her anxieties about school and the problems

she has how she takes all the comments from other kids to heart

Maybe home tuition is the answer and im pushing her to go when she is really unhappy

I just dont want her to feel isolated and down

It breaks my heart to feel at such a loss at what to do

Tracey

[redberry]

<'> <'> Tracey <'> <'>

 

redberry

[Kathryn]

Tracey,

 

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

It sounds as though your daughter is getting very little support at school. Am I right in thinking that you're moving soon and she would be changing schools? (apologies if I've got this wrong.).

 

K

[Tez]

Morning Tracey,

 

I hope that all goes well when the EWO contacts you today. Having been in your position, there's a few things that you might wish to consider. If you still want your daughter to attend school, but the early mornings are a problem, what about flexischooling that allows a later start to accomodate her sleep pattern, or flexischooling that allows her to attend the lessons that she has no real problem with but be educated at home during those that she can't cope with?

 

What support has been put in place in school for her? Has she got a learning mentor or an LSA? Is there an adult who regularly checks with her what is happening or checks on whether she needs any support?

 

You're concerned about her anxieties and sensitivities. Have you spoken to her doctor about this? A's Consultant offered anxiety managing course with other AS teenagers. Some offer social skills training, counselling or cognitive behaviour therapy. It maybe that none of these things would be right for your daughter, but they are all possibilities that might be worth exploring. Some schools and EWOs are also able to make referrals to these.

 

You're concerned that if your daughter is completely home educated she will be isolated from her friend at school. This was one of my concerns with A. In practice it hasn't worked out that way. A's friends have kept in contact and he sees them several evenings per week when they come round the house and at weekends. He actually prefers this because, for him, this type of interactrion is more what he can cope with.

 

It may be that a change of school may help but, in my experience, this leaves the underlying difficulties unresolved and unless further support is put in place, whether through adult support or anxiety management courses, the same problems are gradually likely to reoccur.

 

I'll keep my fingers crossed that the EWO is able to help you today. Let us know how you get on.

Edited February 14, 2006 by Tez

[tracey]

Thanks for all replies

The support my daughter does get from cahms is a lady who sees her every few months

and I must admit she talks so soft and quiet she switches off obviously not what shes used to

School are basically doing all we ask them to do considering she does not like to stand out

in any way for fear of nasty comments from other kids

She has one specific day a week to see the senco discuss problems but never wants to go

has been told to go to her anytime if needed

Teenage years have come with lots of problems like wanting to look perfect

been frightened of standing out all these things which never bothered her afew years ago

which is why I dont think part time schooling would help

We are moving some time this year which I hope she will benifit from a fresh start

Tracey