bjkmummy Report post Posted March 16, 2006 hi, my husband is in the raf. we moved house 3 months ago as we bought our own house. husband got a new job at a local raf base so looked like we were sorted. ben who i think has aspergers started at a new school who within days realised there was a problem. i took him straight ot the docs ( an ew one cos we moved) and he immeadiately referred him even though for the past 2 years i had been fighting for this!! he sees cahms on wednesday next week so hopefully some answers then. he has all the classic signs of aspergers, plus his teacher and senco believe he has it and he now has an iep at school. he is already being bullied at school ANYWAY - i am so unhappy where we live. i know noone in the area. I have tried desperately to make friends with people at bens school, i have 2 year old twins and have been to numerous mums and tots but 3 months in - i know noone. dh works long hours and i work from home so have no human contact plus with 2 year old twins and ben life is hard dh has to go away this summer for 4 months - god knows how i will cope. we have had it deferred once already so we cant put it off any longer today i went over to the base wher ehe works and took the twins to a mums and tots and i finally felt at home!!! people welcomed me. there is so much support - mums and tots each day, fantastic nurseries and a really good school with small classes. i could rent our house out and move into married quarters on the base wher ei would get all the support that i require but telling dh i want to move is going to be a battle plus can i tear ben away again to start a new school. he started reception last sept at a school at dh last base then we moved here in dec so started school in jan and to move again......... but im sooooo unhappy and this must be affecting him. i feel better to move now before we really go down the path of asperegers. i have checked and the support for ben in rutland where we would move to is so much better than where we are now so confused - really dont know what to do for the best - do i put ben first - he has made no friends at this school - or myself????????????????????? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phasmid Report post Posted March 16, 2006 Think first about the reasons for staying put. List them out. Then do the same with the reasons for moving. See which list is longer. If the 'move' list is the longer one I'd say you need to check out things like schools and so on first. Go and look at the prosepective school(s) and talk to them about the possible ASD scenario. The main thing to bear in mind from a base school is the likely turnover of kids - if that is high that could be a problem for him in the future and 1 to bear in mind. If possible try to look at a few schools besides the base school even if you don't think you'll use them. Ask them about local support groups (ASD and 'normal' - they sound as if they will be important to you.) Whatever you decide good luck. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BuntyB Report post Posted March 17, 2006 Do bear in mind that 3 months, although it seems long to you if you are lonely, is a short period of time in terms of setting down roots and forming new relationships. You may well feel more 'at home' on the base becaue the families have something in common with you. Is there a local ASD support group to where your house is? If you don't know, the PARIS resource on the NAS website will tell you what's available locally. You may well find, as i have, that parents who meet at our support group are very welcoming. Also try your local church. Even if you don't usually go, you will find people happy to see you and give you all the support you need. It's a shame more people don't use this as a valuable, free, source of help. In the meantime, we are all here for you. I find this a great source of friendship and support. Wherever you decide to live, I am sure in time you will all form new relationships. <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
melly Report post Posted March 17, 2006 I moved house when I was 8months pregnant with my son, and with an 18month daughter, we moved to an area where I knew NO-ONE. I was determined to make it work, and tried out a few toddler groups etc. The one that welcomed me and made me feel at home was a church based group (as Shona said), each session one of the helpers would come over and chat. I took a year really, to feel that I had some real friends in this area. And I kept going back to the same group week in week out, till I started to become one of the regulars - then you can spot the 'newies' who are sometimes easier to make freinds with as they dont know anyone either. There are people I spoke to in the early days who I dont see now, but a few really good friends have come out of it. It is hard, desperately hard, but can be worth it. Common ground is key with building new friendships, with twins as well why not see if there is a local twins club, TAMBA should have info on local groups (do an online search). only you can decide what to do, but I feel that 3months in may not be enough time to realy know. I do honestly sympathise with you, and wish you all the best. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sonia Report post Posted March 19, 2006 My husband is also in the RAF. Our son was diagnosed with ASD at 4 yrs. Nathan is doing very well in mainstream school with alot of support. I can only empathise with you due the unstructure life that we can lead in the forces. I am more than happy to talk to you and advise you of all the progress and support we have gained. There are organisations within the military that can help also. PM me, look forward to hearing from you, Sonia xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted March 19, 2006 A warm welcome to the forum, I was in the RAF many moons ago and understand that sense of belonging, it's like a world within a world. Having a child with ASD can isolate you no matter what community you live in, even family and friends can find it difficult to understand. The forces can be a great place to make friends but the turnover can be high. Sonia is correct, the military should be able to offer support or point you in the right direction to find it. Getting in touch with her sounds like a great idea and you've also got us, great people, great support, great advice! I would make that list of pros and cons and take time to think it through. Good luck. Nellie xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted March 19, 2006 (edited) bjkmummy, I do sympathise with the isolation. <'> We moved house 10 years ago and it took me two years before I felt settled. I was very unhappy and couldn't imagine feeling at home here. I find it hard to chat to people I don't know and so I never made friends at the school gate either. It took time for me to to claw my way into the community and feel a part of it. Perhaps it would be a good idea to give yourself a little more time to put down roots before you make a big decision to move. You have to weigh everything up though, as Phas has said, and decide what's best for all of you. Oh, and welcome, by the way. K x Edited March 19, 2006 by Kathryn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bjkmummy Report post Posted March 19, 2006 hi, thanks for all of your replys - i have pm sonia Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
