help!

[elun1]

I just wondered if anyone could help. I've posted on here before though not for a while. I have 2 boys. The eldest is 6 and I'll talk more about him in a while. My youngest is 4 and he is Severely autistic with Severe Learning Difficulties and loads of Sensory problems going on. He will also probably end up with ADHD added to his diagnosis in the near future. He was diagnosed at age 2 after 1 appointment with multi disciplinary team and this was then confirmed by another specilalist a month later. So much has happened in the last 2 years. I then went through statementing process and got statement. He's now in lovely autism specific unit attached to a mainstream school. I've recently managed to get 3hrs respite per fortnight to spend some time with my other boy. DLA is sorted and I've trialled gluten/casein free diet for 2 yrs now. I went on course and did PECS which I used to use with my ds but he now has some useful language e.g. can make simple requests so he hardly uses PECS now. Also had numerous hospital appointments with him for one thing and another. I think what I'm trying to say is the last 2 yrs has been a nightmare and I'm exhausted, miserable and I don't really know what to do next. He is still only 4 and he is going to need life long care and I can't even bear to think what will happen to him when I'm gone. Morbid, I know but facts have to be faced. I'm also desperately trying to hold down a part time job as a primary school teacher. I manage to keep my head above water (just) but it's getting hardrer daily. There is so much work to bring home. Dh is a shift worker so we juggle child care between us but it hardly makes for a satisfying marriage. I think he sticks around out of a sense of loyalty really. To top it off I'm worried about eldest ds. He is very eccentric and often speaks very inappropriately without realizing. He is very hyper and highly strung. I've mentioned it to school but they say he's highly intelligent but can be disruptive at times. He loves hoovering , factual books, geography, inventions and maths (he's in yr 1 but is probably working ay yr 4 level) He can read fluently but something is not right. Basically I love my boys but I'm sinking slowly with the worry of it all.

Thanks for listening, Elun

[big mamma]

Elun,

 

Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment. You've obviously done absolutely everything

you can think of to help your younger son and I would think you must be overwhelmed by the thought that your eldest may also be on the spectrum. I know what you mean about the relationship thing with your husband - it's so difficult to make time for each other when life is so draining.

 

Are the Easter hols approaching for you ? If so, why not take a day just to bullet point the differences your eldest seems to have then when school starts back make an appointment with the Head Teacher to get the ball rolling. I know it's scary to start the ball rolling but it may get rid of that sick feeling that you've probably permanently got just now anyway.

 

Best of luck however you approach it. <'>

[jb1964]

Hi Elun1,

 

Seems like it's one thing on top of another for you. I think like big momma says try to take some time out over the Easter break to reflect on everything and note down the areas where you think he's different.

 

Do you have regular contact or visits from CAHMS (for your little one) - wondered if there's someone there who could help too - perhaps they've noticed things already?

 

Take care,

Jb

[Kathryn]

Elun,

 

You're doing an amazing job as a parent, plus holding down a teaching job which brings its own stresses. Apart from stating the obvious - you probably need more support and time for yourself to recharge your batteries - I don't think I can offer any advice.

 

Probably a lousy question - you have respite so you can spend time with one child but do you ever get regular time just for yourself, even just to go out for a coffee, or for yourself and your husband just to go out and do something fun? Easier said than done, I know, relaxation is a luxury when other people need you so much.

 

<'>

 

K x

[Flora]

Elun. You really do have a lot on your plate, not just with coping with your life but you are obviously suffering from anxiety, not only with what's happening now but about the future. The future is a scary place when we try to see where our kids will fit in when they are adults.

 

I don't know what the answer is. But I do agree with Katherine, impossible as it may seem there has to be some time set aside for you self, even if it's just an hour to enjoy a relaxing bath.

 

I don't know what else to say, other than I really sympathise and do hope that you soon feel better. There will always be good times and bad times but sometimes we miss the good times because of permanent anxiety. I know this through experience !

 

For what it's worth it sounds to me like you're doing a tremendous job; you sound like a wonderful and caring mother who is suffering from anxiety. Try to find some way of relaxing and seeing the good things, because believe me the good things are there.

 

Best wishes and take care.

 

Lauren

[Suze]

Hi, just a thought, if work feels like too too much , a teacher at my ds school has just started to job share so she can nurse a relative.Could this be an option, she does mon, tues, weds.I also have a teacher friend who has similar aged kids to mine and a pre-schooler she job shares also and it really suits her.Obviously you,ll lose money in wages , don,t know if this is something you could think about.Suzex

[elun1]

Thankyou for replies

I guess it's just a case of plodding on with it really. I don't think there's really that much that can be done except try to keep positive.

Thanks again Elun