School meeting with head

[bramblebrae]

Eeek i have a meeting at school with headteacher in 2 hrs. I always get so nervous before these things. Anyone else feel like that? anyway it helps me to type things so here goes. this is more theraputic than anything so if u wanna skip it feel free i tend to ramble on endlessly. My main points are

 

detentions - my sons(ASD aged nearly 7 and in P2 in scottish school) primary school tends to give out in school dententions(break times) like confetti- I'm sure he has had at least 5 this year but they are saying they only have one noted because they are now going to send out letters if a child gets 3 detentions over what period of time I don't know yet (must ask that!)

anyway they have never told me about any of the dententions I usally find out about them from S in some fashion or another I have taken to now always asking him if he got a detention today or any of his 'golden time'(flawed reward system - more later) removed from him every day.

 

latest time he told me he got detention was becasue he hurt 4 younger boys he says at lunchtime he went round all the groups of boys in playground starting with the older P3 boys and asked to play with them polietly, he says, unfortunately they all said no so by the time he got to P1 boys and they too said no he got too mad and lashed out at them for sometime from what he says - now my issue with this is he has a one to one support specifically for break times which I had to go over schools head to get dircet from educational pschy last year as they would not apply for one as he had been refused at start of school and nothing had changed , yeah right he had almost been expelled , sure nothing had changed!) I do not condone my child hitting others, especially younger children and his behaviour needs addressed but where was his support and how dare they punish him with a detention for there failure to supervise him. from speaking to him furthur he may not have actually been given a detention as he said he was just taken in for rest of break period. As communication isn't a strong point and school has refused previously to tell me of these incidents I have to go on what I get and question wether it was or not.

 

his support always seems to stand back(often not anywhere near him!) from him at break times I go and sneak a peek often as school is opposite my parents fair enough they don't want an adult always with him but basically it seems like she is never with him - as far as i understand it she is supposed to help him interact not just to be there to pick up the pieces when something goes wrong or to take him in to cool off when he gets angry and frustrated by his lack of socail skills or the other childrens lack of tolerance for him.

 

golden time - grrh - 30 mins of getting to choose toy to play with on friday afternoon. reward for good behaviour or so I believed have had incident in past where he lost out on what golden time he had left because he wouldn't finish work and I though teacher had come to some understanding on the issue but nope here we go again..apparently 2 fridays ago S got no golden time due to losing bits of time over the week - he can't remeber why but it could be being cheeky or talking some kind of unwanted behaviour they can deduct 5, 10 or 15mins or all golden time because of - so fair enough if behaviour warranted it. this last week he sayd he lost no golden time throughout week but he had work to finish off and he couldn't do it so he had to sit trying to do it through out golden time - result no golden time.. now apart from the obviuos issue of how can this be used as an effective behaviour reward system if good behaviour does not actually ensure you recieve the reward and 2 the work they had him doing it was to pick one of the school rules(about 10 of them) and draw it. now for a child who finds choosing difficult and abstract thoughts difficult let alone his lack of imagination this was an extremely difficult task he says he was supposed to do it the afternoon before and he had tried but he had no helper then or at golden time also whilst he was left struggling with this the rest of the class were doing a fun experiment for golden time this week rather than free play so half the class was in room half in corridor with cups and string - u know like a communication phone thing experiment and he was supposed to concentrate with all this going on and he says teacher was out in corridor with the group outside so absolutely no one to help him!! Im lost to see where this work has been differetiated for him and at how cruel can they be 'punishing' him for not being able to complete work easily I would maybe view it differently if it had been a reading assignment or maths at a level he can do then yes maybe he would be just being lazy and refusing to do it but honestly he is a very consciencious worker and trys his hardest (for the moment - can't see it lasting if they carry on treating him like this) I feel the teacher is trying to bribe him into doing work he simpley cannot do and now my S says he dosen't mind losing golden time he dosen't think he'll ever get any again and he dosen't care so they have totally lost any use of it as a behaviour reward I can just imagine next time he's mucking about in line teacher saying S stand still quietly or I will deduct your golden time- S, " ok I don't care, I never get any anyway " gosh I wish he would say that though it is really cheeky but he won't he'll just ignore them thats if he even hears them in the first place. schools whole attitude to him is like hes highly intelligent he must know what he's doing punish him punish him he will obey or else...when I think of the amount of adult aspies I read about who spent school being treated as lazy or naughty or just non compliant it makes me mad that even with a diagnosis and an autistic outreach team for support schools can still get it so wrong.

 

 

I'm going to ask to be informed before any sanction is given to S again adn that an appropriate adult ie me is present when he is questioned about any events in future and that if in doubt school should speak to me or the autistic outreach teacher (who is fab but very time constrained) before taking action or trying to force him through bribery or any other means into doing work because they do not seem to have the first clue about what he finds difficult or not.

 

Overall this year has been a superb year compared to last and because I've not been called up for serious anger issues from S I'm afraid I've relaxed to much and not been there as I should of been for him. Then I think well if overall he seems happy maybe I should keep my gob shut but I do worry how all these little things and attitudes from staff will affect him if they continue.

 

Am I doing the right thing or making a mountain out of a few mole hills?

sorry for spelling and ranting and length if u got to the end congrats sorry I do go on think thats why school is not returning my calls lately

 

thanks anyway feel sort of calmer now

Lorraine

[Karen A]

Thanks I am so glad that I am not alone in frustration with school staff who have no understanding of my child and use sanctions that only lead to resentment.I don't think you should let things go in my experience it just allows people to not try to undestand- they then go on there merry way.Is the break time detention at lunch time? If it is we argued that under the law lunch time detention is formal detention -the school have to follow a set procedure including notifying you in writing 24 hours in advance and documeting why and when detention occured .The school are also not supposed to punish children for difficulties resulting from a disability as this is discrimination-that is the theory anyway.Karen

[bramblebrae]

thanks for your reply it makes me feel much better going into meeting.

 

Is the break time detention at lunch time? If it is we argued that under the law lunch time detention is formal detention -the school have to follow a set procedure including notifying you in writing 24 hours in advance and documeting why and when detention occured .

 

I never knew that about lunch time detentions -some of them are lunch times some 15mins break times- can you point me in the right direction to find what law would cover it being formal detention ..I have tried looking mainly googling but I just keep finding help for exclusions and nothing much for detentions. I did phone enquire the scottish education helpline for children with SEN but the adviser I got seemed less sure of facts than I am to be honest. She just said schools made their own policy regarding detentions and there was nothing in writing about having to inform me. or something to that effect.

 

thanks very much for your support. I better do quick run to loo got butterflies ...and be off..try to let you know how things go laters

thanks again

Lorraine

[marshmallow]

<'> Hope it goes well!

[bramblebrae]

ho hum well they were very nice about everthing was the head and infant deputy, there is only one detention recorded for this term which I knew about and did already agree with. they didn't know about this other incident with the 4 boys at all and insisted if it had happened as i described they would have told me mmmh not sure how to argue agaisnt that really i will try to speak directly to his one to one helper shes normally quite chatty. they are going to speak to his class teacher about the golden time stuff and seemed to be saying golden time wasn't to be used to complete work..so ill have to wait and see what if anything happens about that...can't remeber if i'd mentioned before about requesting school reports and that and you'll never believe it the head teacher and deputy have never been asked for that before in there whole careers and they are both well over 40!! By the sound of it I won't be getting much info and they say I'll hav eto go direct to de psych for their reports if i can find them because seemingly there is no longer an education authority, they work under the local council now directly and they are having difficulty finding who to go to for information and that too :0 ..not very handy ..I'll have to go on a web search to see what the heck has been going on..you think the council might of informed the parents of this change though?! its truly bizarre

 

oh well at least it was pleasant or maybe thats the wrong way to think of things well I got some points across and generally S has been happish with everything this year and there is only 4 days to go..just have to see who his teach is next year we might find out tomorrow supposedly..thanks for all your help the butterflies have flown

 

great bunch o guys on here I've loved reading back through the many informative posts

take care

Lorraine

[Karen A]

Glad it went ok.This is a bit late but may be worth having for ref.Go to www.direct.gov.uk then to Education and learning then your childs welfare at school then school discipline and exclusions and hopefully you will find the area on detention.karen

[Karen A]

I found the other info I used --go to WWW.Parentcentre.gov.uk/forum then do a search for detention see entry ''detention advice needed ''on Mon October 17 2005.Karen

[phasmid]

I've posted a big bit about exclusions here. Hope it helps.

[bramblebrae]

thanks everyone your links are very helpful. I feel much calmer now after meeting I think mostly I get really anxious at end of terms and start of next don't really know why just the change maybe I'm more like my son than anyone else will admit. only 4 days of school left here then we have a very busy summer the thought of it is maybe making me nervous think we might of organised more to do than we will want to when time comes we both (only me and S here) suffer from a lack of motivation to even get up in the morning and Ive tried to defeat this by having quite alot planned - sorta regretting it now- anxiety creeping back up..note to self -it will be fine and you can always take a day off its only wasted money and you do that all the time

 

cheers everyone

[cb1303]

Just wanted to say I know exactly what your gonig through re school not understanding the way our children behave. Your sons school sounds just like mines.

 

I spoke to depute head today after last weeks IEP meeting and she gave me the phone number of the ed psych and said I could contact her myself over the holidays. My sons just finishing P5 scottish system mainstream and the school have never had to call in EP as they've never had any problems!! Yeah thats why my sons in tears about teasing and bullying and just wants to die

My son also has a SEN auxilliary and I doubt she spends much time at all with him, certainly not helping him in the playground at breaks or she would see the bullying incidents for herself. The schools reaction is that he is overreacting to playful teasing.See my post in education section for full story. Anyway my son has also said he has lost "golden time" due to having to finish work. Again he is a bright lad and they don't understand just how much effort he puts in to keeping control. Sorry i can't offer any advice just wanted to let you know your not alone. <'> <'>

 

CeeBee