How can I respond to DEMENTOR thinking?

[wendywoo]

It's taken me ages to come up with a way of describing how dealing with my son( 10 asd) makes me feel, but finally I've managed it! He gets so negative it's like he sucks all my (attempted) positive mental attitude out of me. If you've read the description of dementors in Harry Potter you'll have some idea of what I mean. G just gets these frames of mind that are so defeatist I have no idea how to handle it.

His theme this morning was that he is wasting his life, because he now has no out of school activities, all stopped as too stressful.

I've tried jollying him, seems to make him worse. Tried ignoring the comments, causes a meltdown. Reasoned replies to his statements are just shot down in flames.

Just leaves me with a massive lump in my throat and a feeling of utter hopelessness.

Does anyone else identify with this or am I going mad?

I have asked CAMHS about CBT but they don't think he could handle it.

Any suggestions?

[jb1964]

Hi Wendywoo,

 

I know exactly what you mean - my daughters 12 and I often describe what she does as sucking the life out of me......

 

Take care, chin up,

Jb

[PinkSapphireAngel]

I have exactlythe same with 11 year old Luke, it is heartbreaking.

What is CBT?

[krystaltps]

Yes, I can relate to that. It's a really good way to describe the feeling - I've always thought of it as being broken. He goes into his defeatist mode, and I try everything to bring him out of it until I'm "broken", and end up just replying with something like "If you say so, just don't leave home today because of it... I really can't be bothered following you today" (he always leaves home on days like that) -last time he just said that was fine, he'd go tomorrow I think he just needs to vent his frustrations and being mum, I get the worst of it.

[wendywoo]

I have exactlythe same with 11 year old Luke, it is heartbreaking.

What is CBT?

CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy. It's supposed to train people not to have spiralling negative thoughts or behavioures. We're going to CAMHS again next week so I plan to ask again.

Wish me luck!

[Zemanski]

sounds just like Com and I know precisely why Com is like it - self-esteem problems.

He is so much better since he's been out of school the last month, much more positive and flexible

 

I can sort of see why he might not cope with CBT, it helps to build self-esteem before actually tackling the problems otherwise they focus too much on the negative and the CBT isn't as effective. Also it suits slightly older and more mature kids best - they don't often offer CBT at primary unless the child is very intellectually mature.

 

Zemanski

[wendywoo]

Thanks, that sounds as though it may be helpful in the future.

What you said about self esteem certainly rings true. This time of year, after a whol year of school I guess G is always very low and difficult.

Thanks guys

Wenywoo.

[Suze]

Might be worth checking out Tony Attwoods CBT book, it might give you some info.Haven,t read it myself but if you try amazon they have book reviews aswell.

[wendywoo]

Thanks, I didn't know about that book so I'm going to look for it.

Really must try and not get sucked down, cause it affects every thing else then. Should be able to get POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE in tablet form! Determined to do better today.

Wendywoo.