Wondering where it's all going to end up

[jlp]

I'll try and sum up briefly. Ds#1 is 6 and has AS. He's in Y1 of his 2nd primary school. He had huge difficulites in his 1st school which all came to a head when he was excluded for a day for kicking his teacher - not acceptable behaviour but they were rehearsing the Christmas Play in the hall and he didn't like the music (I'd already informed them). The autism liasion teacher recommended that we move him to another school as she felt that school #1 was unsympathetic, there was an atmosphere of 'blame' and that they weren't listening to her.

 

So as of January he changed to school #2 (mainstream), great teacher (she also has a 6yr old who's being assessed) nice small class - 17 including ds, a few little niggles but mostly ok. He went kicking and screaming but initially settled well until Easter. Since Easter there's been incidents some large, some small every day - larger ones include running from school, lashing out, knocking all the books off shelves, hitting another child with a tray and probably more that I forget atm. He's very, very verbal and will scream and shout and threatens to blow the school up regularly.

 

In September he will change to a larger class, not settled yet as there is a new head starting and she has said she wants to be involved with doing the lists. He'll be in Y2 where there will be even more pressure to do work and less 'play'.

 

I'm pondering tonight as to how long is it going to be before this school can't cope with him, I've had to collect him today - I don't mind as he had a headache but even before the headache it had been a very difficult day. Apparently this week has been very volitile, I'm also collecting him on Tuesday as there's a Mass and apparently he ends up shouting in the isles Again I don't mind as I'd rather not have the upset.

 

Sorry I'm rambling a bit but he wants to go back to his old school, he hated it there too though but it's heartbreaking him still asking. When we removed him we tried to do it nicely but the HT there took things very personally so he couldn't return there anyway. The way things are going I'm beginning to worry, he's only 6 and in his 2nd school, I suppose the next step would be a special school but the autism liasion teacher says he's too bright. There's nothing nearby with a unit and I don't think we'd get him in a taxi, there are nearer special schools which do take ASD pupils but they are for children with learning difficulties so possibly not really suitable.

 

Dp's answer is to have words with ds and ban him from the pc/ps2 for a week saying he's going to have to learn to help control his behaviour We are disagreeing (not in front of ds) he thinks I'm too soft, I think he's too hard but ds behaves much better for dad.

 

I don't really want to move him again, he's still reeling from this change of school. My worries are this behaviour at 6, huge fuss when I take him to school (but not for dad), where's it all going to end, I'm beginning to think he'd not be happy at any school special or otherwise. I know there's HE but I'm not sure I could cope and it's all a bit 'hippy' for dp to consider atm, he doesn't read forums etc and doesn't know anyone who's child doesn't go to school so it'll be a bigger mental jump for him than me.

 

Sorry sorry sorry for this ramble but feeling a bit down tonight. It's not what you think of when they're little and you imagine them coming out of school all smiles and with pictures etc.

 

Edited to say we have a review next week so hopefully will ask about a statement.

Edited July 5, 2006 by jlp

[openyoureyes]

oh poor you, I can really feel for you. My youngest son 6yrs goes to an ASD unit within a mainstream school

and I have to say they have been brilliant, but I do worry when he can no longer attend there. The school is not in our catchment area and with the new LEA inclusion they are looking at putting units in a lot of mainstream schools, but I am not sure how this would work.

 

The unit he is in at the moment is run with 6 pupils to 3 teachers, all of whom are fully trained in ASD's and understand the children totally. Don't think the new LEA inclusions will be quite the same, but I will worry about that once it happens, which looks like it won't be at least for another 12 months in my area as no school wants a unit as it will bring there results down (what are they trying to say, that ASD children are thick!!!!).

 

anyway, I am sure given time your son will settle down, sounds like he needs more one to one in the classroom, maybe he just carn't concentrate on the task in hand, I know my son has a real problem when he does not have his one to one teacher when he attends mainstream in the mornings, but once shes there his anxiety levels faid out and he gets on with the job.

 

Try not to worry yourself to sleep as that won't help anyone, talk to as many people as you can for help and if needs be keep pushing the school to get him more help in the classroom

 

good luck

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[cmuir]

Hi

 

I do sympathise. My son is 4.5 and is about to start mainstream school with a full-time learning assistant. I know that I'm basically going to have to put my trust in other people that I don't know to look after him, which is really difficult. I guess that I'm going to just have to wait and see what happens. I think you're right to be concerned and anyone that tells you not to worry is wasting their time, but I think it may be a case of waiting and seeing. It sounds like the 2nd school are much more understanding.

 

Best of luck.

 

Caroline.

[UltraMum]

((((((jlp))))))

 

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[Suze]

It seems the issue here is support for your son, I,m surprised no one has mentioned a statement.........your boy needs support and in the meantime is suffering.I,d phone the school and get their feelings on this. <'> If the school don,t seem forthcoming , put in the request yourself good luck Suzex.

[Karen A]

Sorry no easy answers but you do have company.We also have a son who is difficult to find an apropriate school for.He is also very intelligent and has an advanced vocabulary so would not fit in or be provided for in our excellent ASD specialist school.However he too struggles in mainstream due to social communication difficulties,emotional and behavioural difficulties.We are awiting a statement which we hope will help.As you say it is very upsetting when the distressed,cross,frustrated child you collect from school does not fit with expectation of happy,skipping,smiling child .At least school are begining to understand the difficulties better in our case after a lot of work so it is worth it <'> <'> Karen

[jlp]

Thanks for the replies!

 

Lol - I've spent a day with him (didn't send him in after yesterday incase the headache came back! He was crying with it this morning but has been headacheless but still incredibly volitile since the calpol kicked in) and really don't think I could HE! I'm pretty sure I'll keep him off tomorrow too though but am inwardly groaning.

 

He's not in a happy place at all atm and I've been screamed and shouted at all day as has his brother - and the next door neighbour who picked a really bad day to cut his hedge.

Edited July 6, 2006 by jlp