Not motivated by rewards

[LizK]

First apologies for not saying thank you to those who replied to my thread last week about my son hurting his younger brother. One or two people suggested using something to motivate him which got me thinking....

 

He's not really motivated by rewards. He likes getting them but if he doesn't he shrugs his shoulders and moves on . Two examples spring to mind. First one was last term when he kept throwing things at school. If he didn't he got a sticker on his reward chart and after he got three he got a treat. Worked well the first week, he understood how the chart worked, was exicted by it and loved getting a treat. Then he started throwing things again. He asked for his sticker when he got home, I told him no, he said 'never mind' and forgot about it! We are having weekly speech therapy at the moment and the ST is using chocolate buttons (fav treat!) to motivate him. He was really messing around last week so she ate one instead! He looked a bit shocked but wasn't really that bothered that he hadn't got his button and this week refused to be moviated at all byt he prospect of choccie button !

 

Now all this seems strange to me, virtually every other child I know is motivated but these sorts of things and get upset if they don't get them but my son really doesn't seem that bothered. Am I not using motivators in the right way or am I not using the right motivators (though he loves getting stickers and chocolate!). Aside from his obsessions and interests he is actually a fairly laid back boy. His attention and concentration is poor at times and I think he sometimes can't concentrate for long enough to get upset by not getting his reward ! Wondered about using his obsessions as motivators but I feel cruel using that as it is likely to cause real distress if he doesn't get it. Also the odd time I've found something that's really motivated him for a reward he's not been able to focus on what I want him to do to get it because he's so interested in the reward!

 

Has anyone else experienced this or am I just spouting gibberish ????

 

Lx

[denise2]

This reminds me of our AS son when he was at school, the merit system bored him silly. He told me one day that he started with a piece of paper on which a teacher would place a stamp and if he collected more stamps than anyone else he could maybe get some metal (the trophy). He said you could even collect pieces of card (certificates) for every so many stamps. Hence he never collected the merits. We then introduced a top trump card for every merit he collected. Suddenly the merit system was worth while and he started collecting them again. But then the teacher increased the effort required to get them and he stopped again. If he had to be good all day with no slip ups it was impossible. Where as if she had recognised him at the time he did well he could have continued.

 

My experience with rewards for our son is that they have to be instant and useful or wanted. Our son is no good at waiting for a reward as the pressure gets too great and gnaws away at him.

 

Examples of rewards that we have found successful are: collectable sticker albums and stickers, top trumps, trading cards etc.

 

Good Luck

 

Denise 2

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Liz,

 

My sons special needs teacher found the only thing that worked as a reward for my son was a particular pen that was really popular with the kids, he would do anything to get one. He had to earn so many stickers to get one. Stickers would be removed for inappropriate behaviour.

 

They used to have a system where they received different coloured cards and if they received a red card that meant sitting in the Principals office instead of class. This also worked on really bad days.

 

They had to have a few tricks up their sleeves for my son

 

The special needs teacher and I had a lot of times of trial and error. Perseverance is the key.

 

H.

[lynyona]

My son when he was younger he wasnt motivated by rewards either and he also didnt react to things being taken away for punishment he just found something else he could do

 

 

 

lynn

[Kazzen161]

Same with my son - sticker charts work til he doesn't get one, then he goes off the idea.

 

My conclusion is that you have to change reward systems regularly (eg: stickers, marbles, pasta) and let him use them to buy something that he really wants. My son used to only accept one particular type of sticker for good work at school, and he also had a goldfish and rabbit food as rewards!

 

Karen

[LizK]

Thanks everyone.

 

LOL at rabbit food as a reward!

 

Lx

[LizC]

Hi I think it is case of trial and error, what works for you may not work for the next. Matthew never gets motivated by stickers/pretty stones etc etc. we use what he likes the most which works alot the time. his obsessions are videos/dvds and computer. and so if he doesn't behave himself he will get a warning of being banned from the PC/dvds etc

[Lucas]

I don't remember people and events very well, tends to be just that they happened and things that were there, but I do remember accurately exactly how I was feeling at the time.

 

I think this is partly why Autistic people aren't influenced by things like peer-pressure as much. I had sticker book at school and when I managed to earn five stickers I would get rewarded by mum. I stopped working with it though because I had a very good recollection of how I felt when I got the reward in comparison to when I didn't. I knew that no matter what the reward was, I could get bored with it or not find it interesting enough, so earning five stickers was never a garuantee of a reward being worthwhile even if I chose the reward myself.

 

There's also an aversion to being manipulated in any kind of way and sometimes that can be how a reward feels, like training a dog.

 

I think this is also why Autistic people sometimes have very good memories. Neurotypical children focus on what happens next, where would their next bit of praise or reward come from. Autistics focus on the past because it's familiar and want the good parts to be replicated over and over.

 

If he is throwing things and he knows it is bad but is still doing it, something is wrong and rewards wouln't be the answer even if they worked.